Soooo, as most of you probably already know, I am in college. I am a twenty-four hour drive away from home and there's no easy way I can go see my parents any given day because: I go to school (College) I got a job in a retailing business, and they won't let me go home for the holidays I haven't seen my family since June of this year. I celebrated the Fourth of July for the first time away from home, my birthday for the first time away from home, I missed my mother's, brother's, and close 2nd Cousin's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas is coming up around the corner. And despite the challenges I went through with my family and the hell they've given me from time to time, I still love them. I gotten used to growing up in somewhat of a chaotic, dysfunctional family who never really gave me the chance to grow up. And now that I've been placed in a more stable environment, it feels almost very foreign. Like I dunno what to do with myself anymore, and I have to make choices that I couldn't make before and it's been a bit scary and very new to me. I mostly miss my dear mother (who always had a calmness about her and had a way of comforting me despite of what she was diagnosed with) and my down syndrome older brother who used to watch Disney movies over and over again and you could hear it throughout the house, and he'd play some of my CDs over and over again until I've grown to really love music. My dad? Not so much. He makes me feel guilty for not being home, tells me how much my cat misses me (couldn't bring her with me since the family I'm staying with now has animals and she's a solitary kind of cat), tells me that he's going on trips and he wishes he could take me (Like going to Japan, and I've always wanted to go ever since I was fifteen years old), but then praises me for trying to grow up and he prays for my safety everyday. :\ But I miss my home, I miss my dry hot, somewhat unstable environment, and while I'm at work there's constantly things that come up that remind me of my family (despite my surrogate mom saying that lots of work will help me take my mind off of home.) Anyways... I think missing home has been becoming somewhat of a problem to the people around me (including friends on the internet). I have been depressed on and off and I constantly want to sleep. I feel completely alone from time to time (because I hadn't had much chance of a social life, due to work and being on the side of the campus of my college where all the adults are and are just focus on graduating). And I cry at very random times or I just feel like I want to break down and sob hysterically. Especially when commercials on TV pop up of those going home for the holidays, and I work when I see a toy my nephew or my brother might like. I don't feel a desire to interact with anyone else either because I already feel like I'm a burden to others with my problems and such, but that conflicts with feeling totally alone... And... I don't know how to ask for help or advice... I need anything right now. I'm trying to be happy, I really am. I'm trying to see how achieving an associates degree is so going to help me in the long run, and how staying away from home is helping me grow more than I could ever do if I was with my family... and there's other stresses in my life right now that's really thrown me in the loop, but I won't ramble about that. I just miss home too much. ;~; Anything that anyone could offer would be very helpful
Oh man. I feel your pain, really. It's rough, and it stays rough for a bit! The transition is tough to deal with. But it can be really good for you, and particularly in your situation I think you'd profit from that stability, if you give it time. Try to keep yourself busy; move around a lot, and if you're having trouble staying awake or energized, don't sit around on your bed too much. (I'm not assuming, that's just been one of my big issues.) Use your free time to get exercise, or find interesting events around campus where you can hang out and mingle. Whatever you can do to get yourself out there will help, I'm sure. If you don't have much free time, that just means you have to use it economically. You'd be surprised how much you can get done if you manage your time well enough. If you're homesick, call home! I'm sure your family would love to hear from you, and it might actually help you make new friends if you get to hear a familiar voice now and then. It makes you feel more comfortable, more confident. And try not to give your dad a hard time; we all have that one parent who doesn't know quite what to do with us, and ends up sending us mixed signals. I'm sure he loves you and just gets a little turned around trying to show it. Believe me, my stepdad is the same way. He's a navy boy, and an actual rocket scientist (technically speaking), so you might guess he doesn't know how to express himself well. But he pays the bills, and worries about me when I'm away. Sometimes Ma has to straight-up tell me he cares or I'd never know it, but it's there. I bet your dad is the same way. If you're gonna call, don't be afraid to give them bad news. They want to know what's going on in your life, not what you wish was going on. The more open you are about your issues, the more help you can receive. And really think about this and internalize it: No one is expecting you to go it alone. Not so suddenly, at least. Being on your own is daunting, and you realize there's a lot of stuff you don't know how to do, or didn't think you'd even need to do. Ask questions if you have them. Ask for advice if you're stuck. All in all, just don't think you have to float out there in the aether and magickally figure out how your life's supposed to work. These are your growing pains. They're natural and healthy. You've just got to have a healthy response to them, and they'll be past you before you know it. Having a job makes that harder, but it's still doable, and you'll be in a better position when you make it through. Oh, and this is only tangentially related, but... Talk to your professors. Make friendly with them and you'll be surprised how lenient they'll be. They were struggling college kids once, too. Maybe that extra leeway will help you feel less stuck. Hope that helps c:
When I was in Missouri from July to October of this year, I felt exactly the same way you are feeling now. I shan't ramble on about everything, so I'll get to the advice, if it helps any. I felt like I was in a rut, it didn't help that family was so far away and that I missed them so much. I kept doing my daily routines like you said, and felt like all I wanted to do was sleep. I had lost most of my appetite, and I didn't want to do much. One of the things that helped me the most was calling my mother every night. Just to catch up on our days and to laugh about things made me want to push forward. Yeah, it's saddening that you can't be there, but it just feels great to hear a familiar voice every day telling you they love you. Another thing to help is to get out and do things that breaks routine or things that cause you to feel this way. I'm not very good at this, but going for a nice walk in the woods. Marveling at the sweet simplicity of nature really sets my heart at ease. Talk with people that you trust, tell them how you feel, let them know you are having a hard time dealing with this. I had coworkers in Missouri that were like a second family to me. They were a young couple that just enjoyed talking and asking how I felt. If you find friends, professors, et cetera, and you trust them to help you, take it. My apologies, I am not much of a rambler. Not sure if any of this will help, but you aren't completely alone. A 24 hour drive away, there are people that love you. There are people where you're at that care. It is a hard transition, but no one said you have to cut all ties. Hope this helps.
I understand that feeling homesick really sucks. I study in the US, so I understand how being away from the family has a tendency to rough you up a little, mentally, that is. Llave and Sforzato has a lot of good points. Call home, let them know you miss them and you wish you could be there. However, you have to keep in mind that it's part of life, having to be away from family and home, so you will have to be away for an extended period of time. That doesn't mean you can't handle it though. Take Llave and forza's tips, but also be realistic, it sucks. It really does suck to be homesick, but it's far from impossible to handle. Make sure you have friends to talk to, and pour your heart out. Express what you feel to avoid carrying all the thoughts on your own. Also, even if you lose interest in things and you always want to sleep; don't. Don't let it get the best of you. You have to keep on doing fun things, hang out with friends, go watch a movie, play video-games, watch anime, or whatever makes you happy. If your mind is preoccupied with other things, you will focus less on what's going on in your head, that goes for most mental things, I've done it, and even though it doesn't always work, most of the time, you'll notice it works. So in short; have fun. Sure, sometimes it sucks, but keep yourself occupied and you will see you'll be alright.
Thanks for replying. xD (I really didn't expect you would either, so thank you very much). Yeah, I learned my lesson from not managing my time so well with getting homework done. But I have plans to make it sooo much better. I work most of the time, but I'm stuck standing in one spot for the longest time sometimes. Luckily, angry customers and pricing errors give me kind of a distraction, but it drains me afterwards and I almost feel dead on my feet. But I asked for a bike for Christmas (since it's dangerous to walk around here), so maybe that'll help me get out into the open air since there are biking trails and stuff. I know my dad loves me a lot, and I'm trying not to be so hard on him. He kind of changed into a peer in January though after he exploded and got very angry with me, but that's another story. Even though he barely remembered what happened, he still says he's sorry which is helping me a little bit to be more forgiving towards him. As of calling home, it's hard. It's really hard. I get so many guilt trips of not being there taking care of my brother or mother, but my mom is encouraging me to stay where I'm at because she knows this is good for me. My dad is still having a hard time, but I think he'll get the hang of it eventually. I am open to them when I call... Sometimes it doesn't feel like they can hear me though. Like if I'm talking to my dad, he kind of half acknowledges what I say and then rambles on for minutes and minutes about his business and everything that's happening to him, but I am patient and let him do that. Me and my mom exchange how our days went and tell each other different stories and such. And I tell them when I get sick... and right now I'm going through something else that has me worried (because of the medical bill to determined what it was and now they're going to tell me how to do it), and my parents just took me off of the family insurance and left me on my own insurance.... Which is a totally different story. Meh. I also just got off of heavy Anti-depressants around my birthday in August, so my body is trying to adjust to not having it in me, but I can kinda see what you're saying. I'll try to smile more often. It does help, thanks. :glomp: And I don't mind that you rant, because I obviously ranted here. Both you and Sforzato said to talk to my professors and friends about my problems as well... but I feel like I exhausted them with my many problems, and every day it seems like I run into a wall and I'm back to square one again. I don't want to be troublesome, and I feel like I'm that already. Or I feel like they don't know what to do with me, and their patience is running thin with me. :\ I know it sucks. Real life has been beating me right and left constantly this year to prove that to me. Even the internet also showed that to me over the months too. But you are right. I guess it's the letting it go and just letting out completely to my friends that's the hardest part for me because I feel like it makes people see me differently in an annoying, pathetic way. It's a very bad habit I've developed and need to break, but I guess that'll come gradually over time. I'll try to have a bit more fun. I realized I've been mostly thinking on just going to work and working and then just coming home to get chores done, and then just go to school and really focus on having good grades, and then feel bad when I let myself let loose for one day. But yeah, I need to have more fun. :'D Thanks for the advice you guys. ;~; :glomp: It's really made my night... cause I really thought no one was going to reply, but you guys took me by surprise. So thank you.
I'm glad you realize that :) Keep in mind, despite what some people may say, grades are not everything. College is also supposed to be fun and you should socialize. Of course, don't neglect school work, but all work and no play is not good for anyone and studying without really caring/paying attention isn't good studying either. And if your friends consider you pathetic due to you telling them how you feel, they are not friends. If you have any other problems, don't hesitate asking here. Also, most professors become exactly that because they want to help the students succeed. They should never grow tired of trying to help. That's the feeling I got when I talked to a couple of my professor regarding my anxiety.
But that's the thing, they most likely don't feel that way. Some people confide in me and are always apologizing about being a burden. The blatant fact is, they aren't. It's easier for two people to carry on together than holding it all in by yourself. (Totally preaching to myself here.) I believe the people in our lives are there for a reason, and your friends are there to help. Even if it's admitting you just need an ear to hear and a hug, I see no objection from a true loving, and caring friend.
Well, when I said to talk to your professors, I meant to keep in touch with them, let them know where you are on assignments, how you feel about the class, ask them how you're doing... If you show an interest in your classes and stay engaged as much as possible, then they're more likely to give you a break if you need one. As for talking about your problems, you have to be careful with that. If you talk about them too much, it might mean you're fixating on them, which is no good. It's important to have someone to vent to or a shoulder to cry on, but you should also allow your friends to divert your attention from the sour feelings every now and then. Sharing positive experiences with them will make you feel better and help them be patient with you. Speaking as one of those "designated psychiatrist" types, I can tell you it's only once in a blue moon that I honestly consider someone a hassle. If people are willing to listen to you, it's because they want to. Don't ever doubt that. You owe it to them not to doubt that. At the same time, yes, they probably do feel powerless to help you sometimes. All they can do is talk to you, share stories, share laughs. Try to enjoy their company as much as you can. If you just feel terrible and you need to let it out, by all means, do; but try not to get into the habit of letting it out 24/7.
Ah... okay. My professor really isn't sympathetic, but I have shown good performance in her classes, so yeah. She's easy on me because I get the job done. That is true. It seems like I've been having a lot of more negative experiences lately than positive (Since I'm mostly at work and rarely at the house doing my own things and just going out and having fun), but since I already pushed most of my problems on them already, I am keeping some things to myself to give them a break. I'll find other methods to let it out besides talking to people because... yeah. It feels like I've been just down right depressing all the time lately. But yeah, thank you guys once again for responding. I'll try to figure out some things.
