Here is something I did during English class and all my friends seemed to like it so I thought I might post it here and see what everyone thought of it. There might be a few errors so tell me and I can edit it. This is also my first time posting like this so I would really appreciate an honest opinion. Thanks. :D Drowning!! "Someone help me please! I'm drowning!" Mylie's cries filled the air. No one came. She knew no one could hear her because of the dense forest that surrounded the lake. Oh why did she go into the lake for a swim when she knew there was slimy seaweed underneath the water that could pull a person under? Her mother told her not to swim in the lake. Maybe that is what her mother would say at her funeral. Mylie could hear the shrill voice of her mother saying, “I told her NOT to go into that lake. Did she listen? NO!†Mylie’s arms were getting tired from frantically trying to tread water. Her breaths were coming faster and smaller as she tried to stay up. The seaweed around one leg seemed like a long snake, slimy and slick, but a tighter grip each time she moves. Mylie realized she couldn’t keep this up much longer. Suddenly she had an idea. She could go underwater and cut the seaweed off her leg with that sharp rock she found on the shore! She took one last breath and dove under. Well, if you call it diving. It was more of curling up and putting her stomach to her knees. She was swimming in her shorts and t-shirt so it wasn’t as cold as being in her bathing suit, but the shock was enough to surprise her into letting go of some breath. Mylie cursed herself for letting some air escape. She took out the rock and started to chop away the seaweed. She realized this was going to take longer than she thought! Mylie’s lungs were beginning to burn so she started to cut faster and harder. She missed a couple times and cut her leg, the blood swirling around as she worked. Her leg was hurting and her lungs screamed for air, but she knew if she gave up now, she wouldn’t be able to the surface. Suddenly, the seaweed snapped free! She did it! Mylie swam for the surface, but gasped in surprise, letting the last of the air in her lungs bubble up around her. She was so deep! As she was cutting through the seaweed, it still was pulling her deeper! The surface seemed so far away. Mylie didn’t understand. She wanted her arms and legs to move, but they didn’t respond. She could see spots in front of her eyes. Right before Mylie passed out she felt strong arms take hold of her and saw a murky shadow in the water. She let out a scream, but it was unheard because at that moment she blacked out and felt comfort in the darkness creeping around her.
Thanks everyone. I'm glad people thought it was good, but trust me on this, some of my friends are WAY better at writing than me. I think it also comes woth practice. I enjoy writing so maybe I should keep on doing it. I did write another part, but it wasn't as good so maybe I will do some rewriting and post it up here too!:D Thanks for the advice!
