Hellow, this is called the Departed Souls, it is a small story i have been writing so tell me what you think, and i might continue on writing if you guys like, and if u havn't noticed i will use better grammer when writing the story... Ok here it is Departed Souls Chapter 1=Giving up?/ Introductions Kiyoshi dodged to the left, right before the lazer blast burned a whole in the wall behind him. He quickly looked upward only in time to be hit in the head by a small rock. Stars ran in front of his eyes as he sat up, he rubbed his forehead where he had been hit. "Ow," he mumbled under his breath, he looked down and saw the rock that he had been hit by. He took it up and threw it at the Training Android that had shot at him. "Stupid Robots," he said, as the robot began to malfunction. "Oh now, you aren't going to give up already Kiyoshi?" a voice said behind him. He turned around just in time to block the cardboard sword coming towards him. He unsheathed his fake sword also, swinging at the legs of the other boy. "Not a chance Leiko!" Kiyoshi shouted, nearly behing hit on the arm by the sword. He quickly jumped into the air doing a backflip off of the wall behind him landing behind Leiko. He quickly did a sidewards slash hitting Leiko making him fall to the ground. "You aren't going to give up already are you Leiko?" Kiyoshi had on a stone-hard face looking down at Leiko. They then both cried out in laughter, soon hiccuping so hard they felt as though they would puke. "You have been training haven't you Kiyoshi!?" Leiko remarked, "How did you possibly notice?" Kiyoshi said with a large smirk on his face. "Hmm, it might have had something to do with the fact that you did a backflip off a wall!" Kiyoshi, a 14 year old boy had been best friends with Leiko since they were both in grade school, he was about 5ft 5 in, standing 3 inches smaller then Leiko. But that was only because Leiko was already sixteen, and more mature then Kiyoshi had been. Kiyoshi, had dark black eyes matching his somewhat lighter shade of black hair. It came down in small strands in front of his eyes, and almost in a spike at the top scalp of the back of his hair. His eyes, were very dark, almost matching his pupils. He had on a grey hooded sweater that also had black stripes crossing at his wrists. He had a checkered wristband and a black ring on his right hand ring finger. He had on baggy baige pants, with small cuffs at the bottom, becuase he would often step on them, and small brown skating shoes that were one size larger then he really needed, hence him tripping on them often. Leiko, had lighter brown hair but was much spikier and had a black highcollared longsleeve zip-up hooded sweater. He also wore baggy pants, but used his favorite color, wich just happened to be the same color as his hair (brown). "Okay you ready to go, I'll pick up the cruiser!" Kiyoshi exclaimed as he and Leiko walked out of the training hall. "Hmm, I suppose but where is Mitsu?" "Whasn't she with you when I left to train?" Kiyoshi asked. "No!, she said she was going to find you and ask you something, we have to find her first before we leave!" Kiyoshi nodded and pointed to the left as if to tell him that he would search this way, and he should search the other. Kiyoshi walked to where he was pointing quietly sneaked across the metal floor of the warehouse. He slowly walked towards the shadow of what looked like 14 year old Mitsu. He slowly paced across and hid behind a stack of boxes, labeled " Souls Villiage." He slowly snuck up to the "shadow" and jumped out only to find that he had scared a pile of engines. Across the hangar was a starcruiser, able to transport anyone to any world that they would want to go. Kiyoshi, Leiko, Mitsu, and Suki had always dreamed of going to the different worlds, to have adventres in uknown vicinities, to meet strange and interesting people. Suki, the 17 year old girl, had stayed behind in town to help with the new shipment of lightREX, to add to the cities defences. For the past 1000 years, they had been battling the darkness from taking the hearts and the souls of the citizens of more than 3000 worlds. But, the lightREX had been running out lately, the small white and silver orbs that protected just one huge world, was droping like a lead baloon in negative gravity. Soon, the dark would overtake all the worlds. The dark denizens had an endless supply of darkness as long as they controlled the world that held the light and the dark. As long as they controlled Rexus, they could develop any darkness they wanted. At the beginning of this war, the world Rexus was shared among all people, until a group of rebelious people, went anarchy and released all the darkness inside the world's core. Soon, all that was light, the people and the cities, were razed. But the dark ones lived on, the humans that used darkness to destroy the others were soon known as the Dark Denizens, or just the Dark Ones. Soon, the world was completely dark, there was no such thing as day-time,it was always night. Complete darkness hovered over the world. And now, the Dark Ones were spreading their darkness to the other worlds, destroying them one by one. But some worlds, such as "Souls Villiage," had no part in the war, or atleast so they thought...... Now as you may have seen, this chapter was just the introductions to the backgrounds of the characters, and the Dark Wars that have been going on. Yes, I promise you there would have been more action in the chapters to come but that is oly if you want me to keep going. have a few chapters saved in my folio, so just tell me what you thinkad if i should keep going ! Thanks
IMO You should continue as long as the story interests you. I would like to see more, by only suggestion being that after each line of speech, create a new line and paragraph, that way it doesn't look as blocky and it can be read easier.
Thank you ill keep that in mind, chapter two, might be up tonight gotta go to a party-thingy L()L bye
Hey guys here is the second chapter, enjoy! Chapter2=The End of The Beginning Kiyoshi blushed after scaring the "bejeepers" out of the engines. But he then noticed the small sign that was hanging from the top engine. "Look Up." "What does that mean?" he said as he quickly looked up, all he could see was the high ceiling, the many small circular lights, and a low hanging banister. Kiyoshi turned his attention to the clanking sound behind him, it was Leiko. "Did you find her?" Kiyoshi asked. "If I had found her, would I be with you at this moment?" Leiko sarcasticly added. "I suppose not." The end of his sentence was only met by a large splash of water, and a pile of muck added on to that. Kiyoshi and Leiko followed the strong "mist" back to the source. Mitsu, holding the hose, and Suki, kneeling on top of the banister with an empty bucket, laughing as hard as they could. Kiyoshi dripping with mucky water kneeled down to pick up something that had caught his eye. He stuck his hand into the muck and searched for what looked like a small blade of silver. Kiyoshi then felt the cold metal touch his fingers as he picked up what looked like large Key. On the key-chain it had the letters DRP. "Now where have I seen this before?" he thought to himself. He paced across the warhouse to where he had seen the starcruiser. "Where are you going Kiyoshi?" Mitsu asked with one eyebrow cocked up. She watched as Kiyoshi, and Leiko following, walked towards the starcruiser. "What are you guys doing?" Kiyoshi stared up at the large silver starcruiser looking for some kind of insignia. Finally he saw it, on the top rim of the hood was the letters DRP. His eyes grew large at just the thought that he now had the ability to go to the other worlds. "But wouldn't that be stealing?" "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Leiko said. "As in we take this cruiser for a spin, or maybe, oh I dont know, keep it?" By this time, Mitsu and Suki had come across from the banister and sat down on their knees and watched Leiko and Kiyoshi talk amongst themselves. After a while they began to catch on to what the two boys were thinking, Mitsu sitting up first. "What are you two up to, your not thinking about going on a trip with that starcruiser are you--" "Of course not!" Kiyoshi quickly defended himself. "Well if you would have let me finish the sentence for once, I meant to say without US?" "Whuh!?" both the boys stammered at the thought. "But none of us even know how to drive one of these!" Mitsu added promtply, "So how do you think we can get off of this rock without knowing how to first?" "Well isn't it obvious, of course there is an owners manual somewhere in there--!" Leiko replyed in a matter-of-fact manner. "We aren't leaving!" Mitsu cut in, "what about our family, and how would we live out there!?" Kiyoshi defended for his friend,"Mitsu's right, lets just leave the keys where we found them" Kiyoshi placed the keys on a nearby table, placing them down reluctantly. "Am I sure?" he thought to himself. He, almost to reassure himself, patted the keys after leaving them down. Leiko shrugged as they all walked off to the cruisers. Kiyoshi and Leiko got into the cruiser, Leiko giving Kiyoshi a nod, they were off. The desert sand was beating against the teens faces as they sped across towards the nearest oasis. After about an hour of driving they came to what would have seemed to have been just a large box sitting in the middle of the desert. As both of the cruisers came to a halt, Kiyoshi took out a small lightREX orb out of his pouch. He pushed over the box so that he could see the bottom that had been hidden in the sand at first, and put the orb inside the small gaping hole that looked almost like an hourglass. The orb easily took the form of the hourglass and Kiyoshi heard a small "click." Slowly, the box grew about 3 times its normal size and opened. Inside, were any normal supplies needed, a large container of water, small packets off refrigerated food, and a small tank of oil. He left the water, and the food and refilled the two cruisers with the oil. "Ok, we are all set up and ready to go, right?" Kiyoshi for the first time had noticed that Leiko had his hand clenched onto something. "What do you got there Leiko?" Leiko only shook his head, and opened his fist, revealing the small key that Kiyoshi had been holding onto earlier that evening. "We're leaving this place tomorrow Kiyoshi, and they can't come with us, I won't let Suki get harmed. So it'll just have to be us." Kiyoshi was so startled by his sudden outburst that he payed no attention to the large, oncoming boulder. Then came the sudden crash, Kiyoshi and Leiko had no idea what had happened, it was just so fast that it felt like a jolt. Then, everything went black. Kiyoshi could faintly hear Mitsu's crying fits. "Kiyoshi wake up!, please don't leave me! Kiyoshi! Kiyo....."
ok here is the third chptr enjoy it, and tell me what you think. no seriously tell me! or ill hurt you.... no im just kidding, or am i? ooh better post anyway, better safe then sorry right?? Chapter 3= "The Room" Kiyoshi was falling into the dark, he could feel the air spreading around his body as he fell. He spread his arms out as if to feel a wall but there was nothing there, all he could touch was black, he could only feel the black. It was the black that was spreading around him as he continued to fall. He noticed he was falling on his back so he switched positions so as if he was standing, but to his surprise he touched the ground with his feet. He turned around only to feel a bed next to him that he had been laying on, although he still had the feeling that he was falling. The air was still rushing around him, and he could hear a faint humming noise. He paced across until he finally felt a cold, coblestone wall. He placed his hand against it as he slowly followed it expecting to find a doorway or a window. To his surprise the room was completely circular, the wall continuing to curve around, his hand suddenly touched a bumb on the wall. "A light switch," he thought to himself, the words echoing through his mind. He flicked it up as a small light slowly flickered on, up on the low ceiling above him. He looked around the small room, he saw the bed that he had been lying on, the long, rusted legs that kept it in place and the stained white cloth draped around the bed. "Ew, disgusting." Kiyoshi's words echoed through the the small room. He now saw the small arch in the wall, he walked towards the arched-doorway being careful not to trip on the cobbled floor. He walked through only to find a new room, only it was square, and each wall was only about 5 feet wide each. He flicked another switch to see the some small words scribbled on the left wall. "It looks like a poem," he rubbed his hand against the imprinted words reading them as though he had heard them before, as though they were in some far off dream: The day will come when you will be tested, You will face many battles, Some with others, Some with yourself. Stay on the path, don't forget your purpose The war ends with your courage Keep on the light, dont let go The war ends with your courage. Kiyoshi took his hand off the words and thought to himself what the poem could have meant. "Who are you?" "Where are we?" "I won't let them hurt you!" "Don't let go!" "I can feel it sinking in" Kiyoshi heard whispers surround him, and could see a light thickening below his feet. He turned around to see a white light streaming out of the arch, he ran straight towards the light only to be slammed into an invisible barrier. " The war ends with your courage" the whisper rang into his ears as he blacked out. The voice slowly transformed into a more shrill, scream, as the words also began to morf into someone screaming his name. Once again he could feel himself falling through the black, only to be met with a hard slam to the face.....
Ok some new features! Lawlz. Ok since my new chptrs will be longer i wont be typing in big print.... "aww", but they will soon be action packed! "yay" Ok now, i haven't reall gotten any new readers so plz if you read this tell me what you think!!!!! sersiouly i won't know if you like it unless you tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so plz tell me!!! ok heers chptr 4 Chapter 4: The Ship Kiyoshi slowly opened his eyes, but only to the relief of seeing a small blurr. Kiyoshi reached out only to have his front fingers touch a large metallic hand. He jumped back, only to once again hit his head against what he had thought was a bed. "Leiko, where am I?" Kiyoshi whispered as he fell back into a long sleep. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kiyoshi awoke once again, but he did not open his eyes. He tried to put what had happened back into place, "we were driving back to the villiage from the Fighter's Warehouse when i saw Leiko still had the key, then I was in some small two room 'dungeon'? What had I missed?" He opened his eyes, expecting to see a blurr again, instead to his surprise he awoke to the face of a small robot, about 2 inches taller then he, with a small, red, hospital cap ontop of its scratched head.. The robot reached for Kiyoshi's head, only to be pushed away by his hand. The robot looked old and rusted, as though it hadn't been cleaned in over 5 years. The robot pulled out what looked to be a small scalpel, and in a quick motion, ran it across Kiyoshi's face. Kiyoshi winced back as if he had been sliced but saw as a small bandage fell off from his forehead. "Who are you?" Kiyoshi faced the robot. "Im am TC-14, protocall android specialized in health-care and up-being of the human being. I have been set up to take care of you in your healing process." The voice was mettallicy, it reminded him of the androids back at the old training warehouse he and his firends used to play at. "Where is Leiko? You see, he is only about a couple inches taller then me with light brown hair, and its really spikey..."Kiyoshi lifted his hand a few inches off his head. The robot paused, raised its dark red eyes, opened its mouth a few inches and paused again. "I am TC-14, protocall android specialized in health-care and up-being of the human being. I have been set up to take care of you in your healing process." Kiyoshi snickered at his own little joke. "So, how many fingers am I holding up?" Kiyoshi stuck his two forefingers up in front of the robot. The robot's face stayed blank as well as its cold eyes, its slowly opened it's mouth reciting it's thoughts; "I am TC-14, protocall android specialized in health-care and up-being of the human being. I have been set up to take care of you in your healing process." Kiyoshi now laughed out loud, only to suddenly cough sharply. Kiyoshi clutched his chest, and spluttered out more coughs. They began to come out harder, and more frequent, "What's wrong with me?" Kiyoshi managed to spudder out his sentence in the midst of all the coughing. The robot slowly pushed Kiyoshi back down onto the bed and pulled out a small odd-looking utensil. It was rounded at the top, and a small blade at the bottom, inside was a white liquid. "Wate what are you doing!, let me go!" Kiyoshi fought off the robot but it was much stronger then he. The robot quickly stabbed the utensil into Kiyoshi's arm and poured the white liquid out. Kiyoshi was only able to mutter a few more words until he passed out quickly. He felt that same darkness overtake him as before. Once again he was falling. Through the black. Kiyoshi pushed himself as though he were on the bed again, but he suddenly realized he was really falling this time. He looked around in surprise as if to see a light switch as before but there was nothing. Suddenly small twinkles of light appeared on the wall, as though they were forming words. He squinted to read the small handwriting; "The war ends with your courage." "Is anyone out there!?" Kiyoshi expeted to hear an echo, but surprisingly didn't even hear is own voice. He suddenly could see something below him, a floor was slowly assembling. He tried to move like he was going to dodge it but it was inevitable. He quickly met the floor with his face, but felt no pain. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kiyoshi awoke suddenly only to find that he was back in the small room. He was feeling better, and could see quite clearly so he decided to scan out the room. Kiyoshi slowly looked around to see that the room was a cylindrical shape with no outside-windows, only a small door with a circular glass-pane window that looked out into another room. He sat up in the bed he was in and walked over to the small bookshelf on the left side of the room. He scanned the books and pulled one out that was a bright red-color and small white words. He squinted at the title, only to be dissapointed that it was obviously a medical book about the anatomy of the heart. He rummaged through more books only to see that they were all about the body and the various medical treatments for the diseases that affected them. He had looked through most of the books before he picked up one particular book that took to his eye. He reached for it only to reveal a small button that read "Open" etched into it with a ink feather, he reluctantly pressed the button. Sounds of mechanical gears churned behind him as he turned to see the only door slide open, showing a large, white corridor with a door on the each side. He walked towards the door on the right reading a small panel labeled on the look-through window above the door-handle. "Cockpit" He walked towards the end of the hallway where he could see a window that actually looked out of whatever he was on. All that he could see as he walked over was black, like the darkness that he was falling in, but a few small bits of white blotted in. As he walked closer and closer he was finally recognizing where he was, he reassured himself "I'm in outerspace..... on a.... plane?" Kiyoshi turned around astonished only to be even more surprised to see the TC-14 model robot glaring him in the eyes. "Please, return to your room, and I will treat you so that you can be well again." "But I feel fine." "Please return to your room, and I will treat you so that you can be well again." The robot took a saringe out of her pocket with the same liquid that he had seen before. "No, don't please!" Kiyoshi rushed towards the old robot and pinned her to the wall. "I said I feel fine." The robot became derainged, chanting on its programmed sayings; "I am TC-14... please return.... your hurt.... I am TC-14!,.... pleauhhh." The robot's voice plummeted to a low drone and then went blank, its once bright red eyes turned to a blank black. It's head cocked to the side and fell over onto the floor. Kiyoshi let go of it's shoulder and walked to the door that had read "cockpit", he slowly clicked the handle, expecting it to be locked but it easily slid open. He saw two small chairs with one of them being occupied, "So your finally better eh?" ,Kiyoshi recognized the voice. No seriosuly please tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i relaly want to know~ Thx EDIT:YAY i fixed it lol
I might suggest having you edit this last post...something went weird when you were submitting it would be my guess because its HUGE. Also you may consider editing the font and boldness to match the other chapters you have already completed. It's looking good man, kind of interesting to see TC-14 making a return to the world haha.
LOL, i tried to edit it and it didn't work!!!!! lol, i can't believe you knew TC-14, i didn't think people would nitice that XD, im just gonna stop writing big lol. EDIT: pl yeha i fixwd it@ lol
Yeah..... i was grounded for a month and lost my files becuz my comp. crashed, so this is goodbye to this story, but im thinkin of doin a story of super smash bros. brawl. Anyways, would like an admin or sombody close this thread or whatever... thx
