Deck of Fate chapter 1 Rulod the lovable gambling fool There is a world called wonderland but the entrance is hidden inside a rabbit hole. Near the entrance there is a simple house with a sister and an older brother they depended on each cause their parents died. But one day fate will choose the brother to lose something now the Gamblers story begins. Rulod opened his eyes as he heard the cheerful laughs of his sister Alice. With a yawn the British blond sat up in his bed and walked over to the mirror. “Looks like this card has quit an attraction to me” Rulod laughed happily as he noticed a poker card stuck on his forehead. “Ah a card that symbolizes an astonishing amount of love yet can’t give any” the British blond said to himself as he looked at the 10 of hearts in his hand he plucked off of his forehead. His sister Alice even mentioned to the gambler he had a gambling problem but Rulod would just give a smile only the kind risk takers would do. Of course his sister Alice would give him a nasty look then run outside like nothing happened. Rulod was in the kitchen taking out a bottle of rum out of the refrigerator afterwards he got out his favorite shot glass. After pouring the caramel color liquor he looked at his pocket watch. “Its 9 o clock in the bloody morning like I guessed” Rulod said to himself as he put the gold watch back in his pocket. The British blond was always good at guessing the time it seemed he could just see and feel the time itself. Taking sometime just looking at the sun letting the rays make his sky blue eyes glisten. A lot of girls often commented on his eyes saying they were beautiful and dazzling. Remembering the plans he made last night with a couple of gambling friends Rulod got the alcohol out and got the shot glasses ready as he shuffled his cards. Hearing a knock on the door “you can come into my delightful home” Rulod said with a smile. But the smile fades as he sees it was Alice with her arms crossed. “The pink haired guy and the stripper are here” she said as she walked in with Lumaria and Relena behind her. “Damn brat” Rulod muttered but quickly gave his two friends a smile. “Like I said tons of times before I am not going gamble its not graceful” the pink haired man said as he made his hair move as he gently pushed the hair away from his blue eyes. Relena just crossed her arms she wanted fun but for some reason she was always with the pink haired man. Rulod had a smile on his face as he shuffled his cards but he stopped for some reason he did not feel like playing any card games. The two guests raised their eye brows they knew it Rulod never refused to play cards once he got going there were not stopping. “Rulod you alright Hun” Relena asked concerned Rulod just shook his head keeping a care free smile. “He probably is so drunk he can’t play” Lumaria said taunting with a smirk. Relena hit the pink haired man’s head roughly but yet gently at the same time. “That does not mean he is drunk or sick unless he really is” She said with an playful smile looking at the gambler. “Well we still can drink” Relod said so he could avoid being questioned as he got some shot glasses out. The two agreed with a smile as they saw their gambling friend poor the rum in the glasses. All through the night laughed and had fun as they drank not caring what tomorrow or the next days would turn out.
very good, except for the occasional punctuation error. and you have a lot of block text. Please space them into better paragraphs please because some people just can't stand block text. other then that great story.
Very interesting story. Very creative my friend. Besides the punctuation errors, I can tell you put a lot of thought into this and I would like to see more. I love how you made Alice his sister. Can't wait for it to continue.
Your writing has improved immensely, but I can still spot those common errors such as mispelt words or a lack of punctuation where it is needed. Considered using a spellchecker? Reading over your work or getting somebody else to read it is always a good thing too~ Although I do have one question- why is he a "British blond" if he lives in Wonderland? There is a good trick for seeing if you've missed vital punctuation in a sentence- read the sentence aloud to yourself and see if the rhythm sounds okay and that you can do it readily in the amount of allocated breaths. It was a bit purple prose here- a sudden chunk of description that was slightly over the top. Remember, your sentences should be a mix of actions and description, especially if you're introducing the character for the first time. Nice use of adverbs though (:
