How would you guys deal with rumors? Here are two example cases, both of which involve the rumor being false. For the sake of it, it'll be two guys in high school -- Guy A is a senior and Guy B is a junior -- who've been great friends since the elementary days. Guy A meets Guy C, a freshman, and makes friends with him. Now, it could be anything, such as just for the funny, but for the sake of this example, let's say Guy C also knows Guy B from elementary, except they didn't get along. He dislikes him and starts a rumor that he had sex with Guy A. It gets around and eventually Guy A hears about it. Guy A looks to those friends (B and C) first over other friends and students; when he confronts them, Guy B insists it wasn't him and doesn't know who started it while Guy C insists it was Guy B. Guy B makes friends with Guy C, a sophomore. Guy A finds out as the school days go on that he's really talkative and can be really annoying. After a month, he's on edge, but doesn't want to say anything to his friend -- Guy B -- and hurt his feelings. Guy A starts a rumor that he and Guy C had sex to get Guy B and Guy C to stop being friends. It eventually reaches Guy B, and he confronts Guy A and Guy C first over other friends and students. Guy A insists it was Guy C because he's the "newbie" of the group while Guy C insists it wasn't him and doesn't know who did it. The difference between the two is that one involves the rumor being between two guys that have known each other for quite a while, while one involves the rumor being between two guys that haven't known each other that long. Pretend you're Guy A or Guy B. Who would you believe and how would you deal with it? Additionally, say you didn't confront them and instead they were trying to find you to talk about it. Would you completely avoid them out of embarrassment or something and not even give them a chance to try and explain or would you be willing to talk to them regardless if you were embarrassed or not? The rumors can be anything from something minor to something like that, of course. That's just what crossed my mind when I got the idea to make this thread and figured it was a good rumor example, which could actually happen in real life, of course. Discuss.
i found that dealing with rumors is pretty simple. don't get offended and be part of the joke. if you get offended, people will think the rumor is true, but if you joke about it being true people are going to get the hint that it's not true. though, i do think you have to ask the person who's spreading it to stop if they don't.
If I'm the target and know it's not the truth, there's no reason to care. Eventually the rumor will just vanish. If someone decides to hate on me for it and don't trust me when I say it's a lie, I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway. And in the case there would be any non-social consequences to me, I'd just ask the other person why they did it and clear things out, it shouldn't be so hard. Now if two of my friends started rumors about each other to get me to stop hanging around the other, It'd depend on the rumor. It it's someone as ridiculous as them having sex it's none of my business, I'd just hang out normally, but if it was about something like stealing each other I'd try to sort things out somehow.
I agree with Evilman and Red, rumors only have the weight we put to them. If it's a serious rumor that you cannot verify from your own experiences, then turning to your friends for the truth is a good option, but that is under the assumption that your friends are trustworthy. Unfortunately they aren't, always. Some you may be able to trust better than others ( and the length of your acquaintance will often go hand-in-hand with trust, though not always ), and even ones you've known for a long time and thought you could trust might deceive you, for whatever reason. For small rumors like the ones you've mentioned, it's best to just laugh it off. You know you didn't have sex with either of your friends (I would hope you'd be aware of something like that, at least), so why let it bother you? Why get all upset and point fingers? If people judge you for it then that's their problem, not yours. Likewise, if you have two friends you get along with, but who do not like each other, that's really their problem. You can be considerate and not hang out with them at the same time, maybe try to mend some bridges, but if they're selfish enough to spread rumors about one another in order to discredit the other in your eyes, then are these really the people you want to be hanging out with?
As with most other things in life, I would just kinda shrug my shoulders and continue with what I was doing, and if it does bother me I wait till I'm not around people before I think about it and decide how I should handle it. It's not worth sweating over, best to just let it run its course and not get involved if that's at all possible. doing nothing can be very effective
The only time a rumor really affected me was a few years back at work. I shared my desk at the time with another co-worker who had snacks in the desk. I was accused of stealing by the boss who heard the rumor spreading around. I usually ignore it and/or blow it off, but that time it really hit me hard.
I have a question. Does it have to be about two guys starting rumors in high school, or can it just be any form of rumor? I'm going with any form of rumor. The way I'd react to a rumor is laugh. As long as it's about me I wouldn't care. I have no feelings about how others think of me. However, if I heard a rumor going around about my friend, I'd confront the original creator of the rumor. I'd try to keep things non-physical, but I don't like it when people mess with my friends, unless they deserve it. There's about nothing you could say about me (directly) and solely me that could hurt me in the slightest. Anything about my family is going to set me off. Anything about my friends will set me off. But if it's just about me, then I'll be completely fine. For instance, let's go with one of the rumors you made. Which, by the way, the second I can't really comprehend. I don't understand why Guy B would get mad at Guy C for having "sex." Anyway, let's say a guy at work starts a rumor that I'm "gay," which in all honestly is half true, when that rumor gets back to me it wont mess with me. I'll look at the person saying it and laugh. If it turns to harassment about it I'd turn them in for discrimination but there's a difference between a rumor and actual direct harassment. I'll give another example, one that's completely false about me. Let's say a rumor gets started about me that is saying . . . I like to collect finger nail clippings, or something weird like that. I'd, in all honesty, look at the person saying it to me and laugh. I'd either laugh or go with it and be like, "Oh yea, how'd you know?" But I'm that kind of strange I'd go that far to mess with someone. So, in summary, I don't mind rumors so long as they don't involve my family or friends. EDIT: Misread the second scenario. I re-read it and it makes sense now.
So I'm pretty sure you guys already knew this, but just in case, the guys in the scenarios were all heterosexual, which is what gave the homosexual rumor its momentum, so to speak. However, I realized that my examples were probably a little confusing, so I will try to explain better below the quote below: This time, we'll give them ages based on the typical age a real person is in said grade in high school: Freshman: 14-15 Sophomore: 15-16 Junior: 16-17: Senior: 17-18 That's what I gathered from when I was in high school, but let me know if it's not accurate. I based it on what my friends, of any grade, were during my senior year. For example, I had one senior friend that turned 18 about three weeks after school started, but I had another senior friend that didn't turn 18 until three days after school ended (or, in his case, a week and three days after school ended since seniors get out a week early). Anyway, it's the beginning of the school year... Scenario 1: Guy A (18) meets Guy C (15), a freshman, and becomes friends and starts hanging out with him. Guy B (17) and Guy C (15) know each other from elementary school as well, but, unfortunately, didn't get along and still don't like each other. Guy C (15), the newbie, starts a rumor that Guy A (18) and Guy B (17) had sexual intercourse over summer break and it gets around. Guy A (18) and Guy B (17) obviously know this isn't true. However, Guy C (15) doesn't want them to stop being friends, he just doesn't want them together when he's around, so his goal is that people will start talking about it and calling them names and stuff and they'll "separate" from each other -- at least in school -- which is what happens. Scenario 2: Guy B (17) makes friends with Guy C (16), a sophomore, whom Guy A (18) does like. However, as time goes on, Guy B (17) is spending more time with Guy C (16) and it's making Guy A (18) jealous. He starts the exact same rumor as in the scenario above for the exact same reasons. I'm bumping this, though, mostly because this part, in particular, was never answered. Specifically, the part in bold typeface: Using the first scenario, Guy A and Guy B didn't have sexual intercourse, but when the rumor spreads, it kind of forces doubt on Guy A and Guy A thinks that Guy B could have done it when Guy A was asleep one time (Guy A is a heavy sleeper) or Guy B could have drugged Guy A one night to take advantage of Guy A (both of which would definitely be considered rape, but that's for another thread). Guy B tries to look for Guy A, but Guy A avoids Guy B out of embarrassment and doubt. Guy B finally finds Guy A, but Guy A just gets short of words and leaves because he's still avoiding him, and, again, it all has to do with embarrassment, which is making him believe that it happened more because he's not thinking clearly.
