So as I might have told one or two of you, my sister Rebecca can be very difficult to live with. For as long as I can remember there's been friction between the two of us. I know it's normal to argue with your siblings, but the effect of it on my life can be overwhelming at times. First, a little history: when my dad and my mom divorced, the bedroom my mom was using opened up. So Rebecca got her own room, and I shared a room with my other sister, Michelle, who I get along with just fine. But after a few years of this, when she was about 12 (I would've been 10 at the time) she started to rebel a bit. She'd fight with my mom at least once or twice a week, and when I say fight I don't just mean bicker, they'd really go at it. She'd be snippy with my other sister (the two have always had a better relationship than me and Rebecca, probably because they're twins) and downright awful to me. But she also would have very brief times where she would actually act like a normal person. My mom got really tired of her attitude, and decided that maybe she was getting lonely. So with the moving of a few things, me and her were now sharing a room. This was a little over two years ago if memory serves correctly. It has most definitely improved her mood, now she is much happier for lack of a better word, but her moods can still be incredibly unpredictable. Small things will set her off and being on the receiving end of her aggression is not fun. Because of this, I've had to go out of my way to make sure things are how she likes it. I complied with her early bed time, I always close the curtains by a certain time, I won't listen to music when she does, I don't touch any of her things, etc. I can't listen to the same bands as her because she believes that if she listened to them first, they inherently belong to her and anyone who does is "copying" her because they're "jealous" and a "hipster". It's a lot of really small things like that, and it can get really exhausting doing this everyday. It's become a source of stress in my life. And when I forget she will blow up on me. I try not to retaliate because I know it will make things worse, but sometimes I just can't hold it in anymore and we'll stop talking for a week or two. So I just have to roll over and accept it all, take it all in without doing anything, and we fall back into the same cycle. Now I'm not alone in this, my mom will sometimes refrain from bringing Rebecca out with us because we all just get so tired of her mood swings. She gets very aggressive when you disagree with her, and always talks about how she can't wait to move out and get away from us. I guess this was more of a rant than anything, but I'd like to know if anyone has any advice on how to deal with her? I've already asked my mom about changing rooms, whether it means I'm alone or Rebecca is, and she just has really been kind of unhelpful when it comes to that. There is a kind of light at the end of the tunnel with this, because my other sister is moving out this September to go to school in the city, and I'm taking her room when she does. But I'm not sure if I can take another five months of Rebecca.
I really don't have any advice, but have you considered that your sister might need to see someone? She could be bipolar or something of the sort.
It's crossed my mind, but I really don't think it'd go over well if I brought it up. I could try, though.
Me and my sister tend to usually get along, so I'm not sure of how helpful I can be, but I'll try my best. :] What does your sister do when anything like this upsets her? Is it like verbal aggression, or physical? It really sounds like she's in need of an anger management course. I have a close friend that went through anger management, and it really works wonders. Though I understand that it might be hard getting her to go. :/
Most of the time it's just verbal. Things haven't gotten physical between us for quite some time. That sounds like a nice plan to me too, but I doubt that she would go. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way that she behaves from what I can see.
All the advice I can give is that if you've lasted this long, you can definitely last until September, when your other Sister moves out. Things should get moderately better for you once you get her room, and your own privacy for that matter. I don't know what you can do about your sister though. I know she's supposed to be family, but if it was me I really wouldn't even bother with helping her. Just try to pass the months until things get better. Reading up on her personality she obviously won't go to anger management, or try to seek help. It's her loss. Just keep doing what you've been doing for the past years. There's always a silver-lining to all of this. But out of curiosity, isn't she supposed to move out sooner or later too? (Since Michelle and her are twins and all)
Thanks. :3 Well you know, common rules these days say "child completes high school, then goes to live in a dorm" but she's just going to a nearby community college. There was a brief frame of time when she was going to move to either Rhode Island or Colorado, but we don't really have the money for that. :|
Ok, I'm an only child, so I can't call myself an expert here, but does she actually know how much she's pissing you off? Hell, does she even realise the mood swings? I honestly don't think that the strategy of simply conforming to her whim really works if so far she has not reciprocated. I understand that everyone needs their space and has the right to their own... eccentricities, but you don't appear to be really profiting in this way, at the expense of an "easier" co-existance stepping on egg-shells. I'd suggest talking with her, explaining just what it is she's doing, and ask her to back off a tad. Try not to let it escalate into an argument, as she sounds like she's likely to do. If it turns out she agrees there's something wrong, then it's easier to proceed. If you can even just convince her to give you some leeway and a little space (i.e: the Music thingy), then even a baby step is a step. I wish I could help more, but my only experience with siblings is through my mates. I do hope you can at least make things more bearable with her. ;)
I can only give you advice that maybe your sister needs more attention from you, or that she needs to see someone? Don't bind her too much from staying close to you ^^ Good luck :)
If you want to put up some resistance to her whims, you first identify the power in the house. Usually it's the mother. Now it appears that your mother is of the same opinion as you, so it shouldn't be too hard to get her support. So pick and choose your battles, so it's something your mother will support you with. Then you wait for your sister to start attacking you over your actions. If she's loud enough, (which it doesn't sound like it'd be difficult to get her to be), she'll attract your mother's attention. She'll come to be a peacemaker, and that's when you calmly present the situation, and why your sister is being unreasonable. e.g. You listen to the same music as your sister. She notices and starts commenting. You use provocative language (nothing directly offensive, but subtle trolling) to get her angrier. When people get angry, they tend to raise their voice. You repeat until mother notices. Explain the situation to her calmly when she asks. See sister get told off, as clearly you've done nothing wrong. Don't try it for the bedtime thing though, because that could end in your mother siding with your sister. Make sure at first you only do it for the really unreasonable stuff. Then your mother will tire of these events, and be prejudiced against your sister, meaning you can try to win the less ridiculous fights. Assuming you want to go to war with her, of course.
Yeah, you shouldn't have to deal with this shіt. She should count herself lucky she has a sister as patient as you are. But that seems to be the problem. It sounds to me like you kind of let her walk all over you. If i were you, I'd confront her about it straight-on. Maybe "Accidentally" leave this thread open. It sounds to me like she may not even know how much she's annoying you. Maybe you guys should try finding something you both enjoy doing and start doing it together. That works when there's tension between me and my brothers.
She's pretty aware of it, though she doesn't know about all of these little things I have to do to keep her happy. I fear that telling her about them may make her feel as though she's being patronized. I've really just tried everything, including talking to her, and it's gotten me no where. :| Everytime we take a step forward we end up going back into the old ways. She does get plenty of attention from all of us, in my opinion, especially from my mom. But who knows, you could be right. o: Well actually I have kind of being warring with her for the past few years. I'd like to bring an end to it. :v So good advice for starting something, bad advice for my situation, haha. See there's a little problem there because I really despise confronting people, and I do let people walk all over me. But everytime that I've attempted that in the past she just gets angry or offended or claims I'm overreacting and I'm the one with a problem. We do do things together, and things are fine then, but I can't spend every second of my life with her, and when we're just around the house and all she'll just snap. I've found out that apparently one of my family members that she takes after heavily has a minor case of bipolar disorder, and I think that that may be it. I don't think it's anything enough to constitute her needing medicine or anything, though. It seems that the best thing to do might be to just endure for another few months. :|
Okay well still. i say this. You shouldnt have endure something and remind her what you do of the little things you do. Remind her to be gratfull. Remind her how you are a family and family helps each other. And i mean she helps you and you help her. And for the bipolar? No offense but if you think she has it talk to a professionall. If its not treated theres a chance of sucidial...Good luck! (couseling never fails got her to listen and not interrupt you while you talk?)
