Conclusion after Facing Death Chapter 1 You know, it's kinda weird how people judge you just by how you look. People are always fall head over heals just to get into the... "cool" group. Not me. And I became hated for it. I'm only 13, and I'm hated because I decided not to become a part of the "Cool Group". It's actually kinda stupid if you ask me. Well, whatever you think- I didn't do anything! It all started out a cloudy, frosty morning. Not very pleasant, I'll tell you that. Well, as I walked into the Student Center, I had one of the "cool kids" come up to me, tell me to meet him over by the slope by the building. I didn't care to do it, but he sounded like he really wanted me to go over there. So, I put my bag down and walked over there. When I got there, I noticed one of the other guys had a kid in his grasp. He was crying, so I decided to help him. They didn't like it. As I started to help the kid, they started throwing punches at me, telling me to stop it. I didn't. That ticked them off even more. As I slowly made my way over to where the kid was, I started to get hit harder and harder until I was bleeding and finally I punched one of the kids right in the nose. Broke it instantly. The rest of the kids backed off so I got the kid that was crying and took him to the office. That's when the hatred came into play. The school nurse treated my wounds, and I walked out of the office. Those kids were all standing in my way of getting to class. "What the hell do you think you were doing?" One of them said. "I was helping a kid you were torturing. Why? Didn't like it?" I said coldly. I guess what I said kinda triggered what happened, too. Oh well. "No, in fact, we're going to have to beat you to a pulp for that." Another said. "Today, after school, behind the church." "No thanks." I said. "You're going to fight. We'll make sure of it." Another said. Great. I was already getting into fights. These kids may have been the "cool kids", but they were also the jocks. I hate jocks. So, I decided to go beat them just to get them to leave me alone. Two words: Bad Idea.
Wow, this is good...the story is very intriguing and keeps you hooked...although don't forget that after a dialogue, if it's supposed to end with a period, it should have a comma, like: "No thanks," I said. Be sure to vary the words more, such as 'asked,' or 'demanded,' instead of 'said'. Otherwise, great job! :) I seriously love the way the story's flowing and I can't wait to see what happens next...
Like Nymph said, the idea is great and the story is flowing very well. Your word choice is a bit repetitive, but I like the overall plot so far. I'll be looking to see what happens.
