Child-parent conduct: Argue now or discuss later?

I posted this here for a very specific reason, even though it has more of a general-discussion feel: I want people to voice their thoughts on it, but not to start arguing over it--or even debating it, to some degree. I just want to know what you think about it, not what you think about what someone else thinks about it.

Okay, enough beating around the bush... I'm willing to bet we've all been in this situation before. Say your mom does something that pisses you off. Maybe she's being hypocritical about something, or she's just angry all the time. Maybe your dad is really stubborn on some points that hit really close to home for you. The point is, you get a really strong impulse to argue with them. What do you do about it? Is it okay to argue? If you really feel passionately about something, is it acceptable, or even natural, to voice your opinion, even if said passion makes you defensive and irritable and compels you to insult your "opponent?" Or should you never do that, should you always wait until everyone's feeling better and then try to discuss it in a less turbulent setting?

Sometimes I feel like I hardly have the energy to argue about things unless it's in the heat of the moment, you know? And to that end, I let a lot of things slide that I really shouldn't, things that make it harder to relate to the people in my life, make me dislike them, or just annoy me and make me less cooperative. It gets to the point where I feel like I'm being brainwashed by my sense of civility. Sometimes I just need to let it out. And, I mean, I'm imperfect; I get angry, I throw insults, I forgo making valid points in favor of just relentlessly attacking the things that set off alarms in my head. But maybe I'd like to be given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I'd like people to try as hard as I do to take the good and the valid away from negative situations. Is it too much to ask, even from family? I've begun to wonder if a civil discussion is always the preferable solution. I mean, on a much larger, more serious scale, there are some pretty bloody revolutions in history that have led to some pretty positive outcomes.

I guess a tl;dr is in order... On the domestic level, is there a place for outright anger and arguments? Does it get anything done?

Again, please try to just state your thoughts; I'd rather a discussion than an argument, or even a debate. We're all here to learn.

 

Outright anger and arguments are quite useless in my opinion. Civil discussions are always preferred. If I get angry enough, I may move out, or lash out somehow. I find it useless because it has the opposite effect of the intention more often than not. People feel more justified in their position when you are angry at them for it. They may even hold the position just to feel like they can control you even though you are angry about it. That is not to say that this stops me... I am usually the first to openly object to any given rule or decision. In fact, any statement that I disagree with on an ethical level bears harsh criticism. If they can discuss it civilly, then fine. If they cannot... Then we argue. Instead of being angry, I get them angry... I am both perceptive and harsh by most standards, but I can keep my calm pretty well. One thing that I cannot do is let something go and "deal with it". I will bend their wills to my own, or I will distance their wills from my own. This is the natural way of things for me.

I am able to get over ordeals quickly (as in minutes later), so I do not struggle with avoiding stress on my end. If I were going to be worried about anything, it would be stressing them out... Which does happen often, much to my dismay... Luckily for me, decisions regarding my personal life do not come into play much. Far more often will I interject in their lives with my two cents, and that is a terrible practice that I should be more aware of. I am the cause of strife in my household... The bitter old man.

As for policy, I am not sure what is to be done... My main desire is to see them become as open minded as I can be and more about things. To make a world in which I have mostly people that I can relate to, and vice versa... I do not really see any way for that to come about, so I have no idea where to start on my options for that end. I fear myself most in these affairs. I know myself well enough to be able to say that I could do terrible things to those around me if they do not fit my ideals. I have no ways to solve this dilemma. Does anyone else have any ideas...?

Both argument and discussion have their perks. Anything that relays your emotion in a way that they can relate with and give in to. Neither is less effective than the other. If argument will work, then discussion will at other times. The only instance in which one would not work at all would be if the person completely ignores you and does not give you the time of day. That I cannot deal with. That is where I would take action, one way or the other... I am a sore loser, so I would try to get to them through those that they do listen to. Failing that, I would leave. It is as simple as that for me...