Recently, I have been overcome with depression. I don't want to go into detail about it. I just have absolutely no motivation to do anything and I have a near complete lost of appetite. I had a doctor's appointment today, and he allowed me some sleeping medication. I think a lot before I sleep, especially now that i think more about killing myself and right now, I don't want to think at all. I get angry a lot, and I take it out on people who don't deserve it. I'm overwhelmed with depression and I just can't stop crying. The only thing I want right now is my normal life back. On top of that, my body is still recovering from my hospital stay and I'm on tons of meds already. I realize that in order for everything to go back to normal, I have to change. I am an insecure person. I don't like who I am, so I escape by trying to help others. My self esteem is low because I blame myself for everything. The way I see it, the only way I can have my normal life back is if I learn to become more secure, as well as emotionally independent. I wants to like myself and not rely on others. I just...don't know how to do it. All I know is that this is something that I need to fix and that I want everything back to normal. Does anyone have any advice?
I have suffered depression and other such things in my time, I had/occasionally still have, self esteem issues. It's just tough to get past, I know that but really you're right to think that it's up to you, because your the only one who can change how you feel about yourself. I know tha other people complimenting me just made me brush them off, it wasn't until I felt to myself 'I am worth a damn' that i got out of that rut. My advice would be to get doing something that you can accomplish and cope with to start off with, something yo love or enjoy. When I had taken archery as an activity for after school, I enjoyed the idea of it, since games and movies had made it seem so cool. I realised soon it wasn't quiet like that, people were doing a lot better then me, I got into my head these irrational thoughts about it all and just felt worse going then anything else. After sticking it out for a while things improved, more so on that I was focused on the archery and how well I did. The more I improved the happier I got the better i felt in general. Sticking it out and improving really helped me think 'I can do something' helping me more towards the 'I am worth a damn' Think, what have you done that not many others have done, think about the thigs that you've gone through and survived. You are not weak if you're able to dot hings for yourself and cole with tough situations, by the sounds of it you've been through some degree of bs in your life, so know you've exeprienced and gone through stuf no one else has. And are still here to talk about it. You are strong, and things get easier the more you truly work at them. Distract your mind from thinking things like that, play games, take up sport, listen to some different music, try new things. Hole that any of that might help.
This could part of the problem. I used to take a medicine for my skin that caused depression and caused very self-destructive behavior. Look into the medicine that you're taking and look to see if any of the side effects look like something that describes the way you're feeling. I still suffer from depression and I have tried anti-depressants that only make it worse. As of now, I'm on adderall for my ADD, which does help the depression as well.
I guess I could try that. I've been trying to distract myself, but I can't stop thinking about what happened. It hurts every time it runs through my mind. That's kind of rough for me. My medicines are here to help my health. The majority of them are heart medications in order to help my heart relax.
