Caller of the dark

I am very bored. So here is another story I wrote 2 years ago.

Here r some charators that r in here and their look...
~Good~
Tray-He's 16. Not much on him. No history at all.http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j262/Taki980/blueguysprawledwithstaff.jpg
Ren-He is the youngest. He is 15. He was chosen to protect the book of the dark.http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u199/shaman_alyanna00/3964750f.jpg
Alex-She is the oldest of the three. she is trying to save her brother from the evil. She is 17.http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w228/NicolexxCherie/warriorprincess1.jpg

~Evil~
Lucy-No histroy. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v309/Dark_Mistress/Thread/Animegurl89.jpg
Monika-Works for Lucy. http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p87/darka_memories/anime girls/1158462157_edarkninja.jpg
Tracy-Works for Lucy. Killed many people in his lifetime. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d45/Jadefox88/angels/Darkguy.jpg

The story beings...
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One rainy afternoon, Ren was looking out the window bored out of his mind. Alex was in the kicten making dinner for them. Tray was staring at the wall. "Having fun, Tray?" Alex said when she looked at him. No answer from him. Alex sighed. "He's daydreaming again." Ren walked down. "Something smells good." "Its almost done so you can what a little longer." Alex said. "But I don't want to wait anymore." Ren said acting like a 5 year old. "I said wait." Alex said slapping his hand. "Ow. Okay I'll wait." Tray keep staring at the wall. Dinner was done and Tray came to the table and got his plate full of food. They all sat down and ate some food. When they finished, Tray went back to the wall. Alex giggles. She got the dish, out them in the sink, and washed them. When she was done she looked outside and it was still raining.

The afternoon fall to the evening and it was time for them to go to sleep for school tomorow. Tray still stared at the wall. "Tray its time to go to bed." Alex said. "What?!?" Tray said. "Time for bed." "Okay." Tray got up and went to his room and passed out cold. "I can't belive he does that every day." She thought. She walked to her room, then there was a knock on the door. She walked to the door and opened it. "Yes." "Hello, we are here to see your brother, Ren." the man said. "Ren, someone wants to see you." Alex said. Ren got up and looked to see who it was. "Oh on not them. They are the ones who tried to kill me yeasterday." he thought. Alex saw and then turned back to the man. "I'm sorry he left a little while ago to see his girlfriend." Alex lied. "Oh, okay. Sorry to bother you. Good night." The man left.

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Tell me how it is.

 

Nice story. It needs to be longer though. I am just syaing.

 

Alright it will be a little longer.
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"Ren who was that?" Alex said when she walk up to him. Ren got up and said, "There are the ones who are trying to get the book." "Its just a book." "Its more then that. Here let me show you." Ren walked into his room and got the book and showed Alex. "Its the book my mom wants me to protect. How did you get it?" "I don't know. I found it in the forest." Ren said. Tray got up and walked out of his room. "What is going on? Who was at the door?" "Nobody!" Ren and Alex said together. "Okay. Is that what I think it is?" Ren nods. "Then you are it welider?" Ren nods again. "Tray, Ren lets go back to sleep." Alex said. They nod and go to their rooms and fall asleep.

The next morning came, and they got dressed and went on the bus. "Man I do want to go to school." Tray said. "Well get use to it. You will have to go even if you don't like it." Alex said. Tray sighed. The bus stoped. "Are we at school yet?" Ren said. "No we still have two more stops. But where are the students?" Alex thought. "Hey bus driver." Tray yelled. No reply. "Hey!!" "Shut up. I looking for Ren." a girl said. "Thats me." Ren said when he stood up. "Come with me." the girl said. "Okay." Ren walked out of the bus with the girl. "I dont trust that girl." Alex got up and followed them. "Hold it. Where do think your going?" another girl said. "I was just going to find out where my brother is going." "No your not. You have to go though me first. And my name is Monika." she said. "Your on Monika. My name is Alex." "Lets go out and fight." Monika said. Tray got up and walked out the watch a cat fight.

When they got out, Monika got the first attack. Alex dodged it and got her sword out and attack her from behind. Monika got hit and had a big mark on her back where the sword hit her. "You are strong." Monika said. "Really?" Monikashook her head. "No." She got her swords out and attack her and hit her face. Alex put her hand to her face and saw she was bleeding. "Alright you want to play dirty, we'll play dirty." Alex said. Tray followed Ren and the girl to the forest.

 

IT IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!! please continue :)

 

okay I will
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Alex and Monika continued their fight, while Tray followed Ren. "Now Ren, do you have a book?" the girl asked. "Yes why?" "Well. you see its mine and I droped it here four days ago. And I want it back." "This one." She nods. "Ren don't give it to her. Thats Lucy. She is trying to take the book from you." Tray said when he pushed her. "You are very smart to see me, Tray." Lucy said. "You know her?" Ren said in shock. "Yes I went out with her." Tray said. "Enough talk. Let me see your power Tray. Ren." "Open the book Ren." Lucy attack Tray then aimed for Ren. Ren opened the book and a blast of light block Lucy's attack.

"Wow this is so cool." Ren said. He read a spell and it cast a fire blast that hit her. "What! How can you open the book when it belongs to me." Lucy said. "Your not its owner. Ren is." Tray said. Looks like I'm going to have my hands full." Alex attack Monika hard in the leg to were she can't move much. "Now you will see when I get really mad." Monika said getting fired up. "Oh boy." Alex thought. She was able to dodge most of the attacks, but stiil got alot of wounds. Some deep and some bleeding bad. "You are very good, Alex but can you defect me?" Monika said catching her breath. ''Yes I can defect you." Alex said when she did her last blow. Monika was defected. Alex walked to a tree to rest.

Lucy was getting really mad. She was about to kill Tray and Ren when Ren cast a refect spell to send her flying. "You have not seen the last of me.." Lucy said. Monika telaported back. Alex sighed. Ren and Tray walk out of the forest and saw Alex half way to her death. Ren healed her. "Thanks little bro." She got up. "I think we all need to do more training if they come back." Alex said. Tray and Ren nod.

 

i underlined the misspelled words, and or fragment errors.
i don't like the format of the sentances for some reason thought.
except that you are doing good keep going

 

:sweatdrop: opps I didn't see how fast I was going when I was typing it. I'll try to fix it and use the spell check. thank you ZC.

 

Edit: I had to leave before I put the story in so here it is.
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Alex opens a portal to a new world. Tray and Ren were shocked to see it. “Wow I didn’t

know you can do that, Alex.†Tray said still in shock. “Yea you didn’t know?†Alex

They both shook their heads. Alex giggled. “Welcome back Alex. I see that you brought

your brothers with you this time.†a voice said. Alex nods. She looked at them and, “Go

introduce yourself.†Tray walked up. “My name is Tray.†“My is Ren.†He said. The book

was at his side, and fell out. “Is that the book that you told me about Alex?†He said

shock to see the book again. “Yes. He had it for a while and he never knew what it was."

Alex said. “May we ask, what is your name?†The guys said. He laughed. He noticed that

they were paying attention. â€My name is Alexander.†He said.

 

Alright! Another story with some suspense!

 

Thank you. more coing soon.

 

Alright then. I'll wait.

 

The guys were unsure about him. “Is something wrong?†Alexander said. “No it nothing.†Tray lied. “What is

the matter with you two? Don’t you trust him?†Alex said. “I don’t know Alex. He looks like one of them.†Ren

said. “So you say you don’t trust me at all Tray, Ren. What do you want me to do to show you that I mean

no harm.†Alexander said. Tray and Ren were shocked to hear him say that. They couldn’t speak. Alexander

walked to the training ground outside. Alex got up and left for the training ground. “Come on you two. You

need to training just in case if they come back.†“Tray she’s right. I’ll see you later.†Ren said. Tray didn’t

know what to do. He sat down to think. He got up and walked outside. He saw Alex with her sword

attacking dummies. And Ren with Alexander training him more about the book and its spells.



“Tray!†Alex said. Then the dummy attack Alex. “Oww…That hurt. I dropped my guard again.†She said

laughing. Tray was shocked that they are having fun. Then a dummy came behind Tray and he attacked it

with great speed. “Wow he does have great speed. Just like you said Alex.†Alexander said. More dummies

came at him. He attacked all of them. He was shocked that they came at him. “They want to train you.†Alex

said. “You should get you sword and train.†The dummy attack Alex. Alex blocked and attack two dummies

at the same time. Tray got his sword and attack the dummies. The day ended, and the four were inside

eating.

 

Nice. Keep the story and make it more exciting.

 

hum, I believe attack should be Attacked. An, its kinda fast paced, try adding a little more detail (wait, I can't spell omoniapoa, but I can spell supercalifragilisticexpealidous, and I'm making corrections in your story for you? That's confusing....) Nice story btw...

 

Thanks. More will be here soon.

 

Alright then. I'll wait patiently.

 

When they were done eating they walked towards their rooms. Tray got a room next to the Ren. Ren got a grat view of the castle. Alex didn't sleep. Alexander walked to her. "You should get some rest." "No thanks. I'm fine." It was the middle of the night, and someone came inside some how. Then walked into Ren's room. Alex saw it was Lucy. "Lucy, put my brother down." "Never." She jumped out of the window. Alex ran towrads the window and nearly last her face when Lucy attackd.

more will be here soon.

 

Dangit! You should make it a bit more longer to make it more interesting. BTW, it's good.

 

I can't because my mom will hear the keys. but here.

Alex chased Lucy on the rooftops. Lucy threw fire bombs at her. She destoryed them with one slash of her sword. Lucy jumped to the next roof top. She still followed. She jumped and almost missed. Lucy stopped and dropped Ren next to her. "I'll make a deal with you. if you can beat me then you get him back. If you lose then you will have to stop chasing." "Deal." Then Lucy charged at Alex. Alex blockd the attack a little to late. She was half-sleep. Then attacked her with all her strengh.

 

Oh okay then.