Boy Troubles

Inb4AmethystIsASlut

So basically, I'm going to sound like a slut throughout the course of this thread but I swear I don't mean it so bare with me. Also, I don't know if I really need straight up advice...I guess I'm just updating on what has been going on

1-My Ex, lets call him M: I miss him, and I really regret breaking up with him. Even though I know we had a dreadful relationship and I had my reasons for breaking up with him, I can't seem to shake off the guilt. It was an unexpected breakup and he took it really harsh, and even though he says he's fine now I stil feel horrible. We were friends before we dated, and he's really the only guy I get along with in my group now. Its weird, I'm even jealous because I think he likes one of my other friends. I shouldn't be, because I shouldn't care. We're both planning to keep in touch next year so its not like I'll never see him again. I'm not going to get back together with him because I remember why we broke up and thats just really stupid. Still, what the hell should I do about it?

2-My Crush, Let's call him L: L is a guy that I like and I'm not even entirely sure why. He's hot...but thats it. I know he thinks I'm a loser because I'm not a cake-faced oompa loompa with a boob job. Because I dont look like one of the bimbos he always chats up he doesnt really want anything to do with me. I actually think a lot of the reason is because my friends think he's really hot and so they wanted me to give it a shot, and by hot I mean M looks like a train wreck next to him. Basically I think I'm only going after him because I want to make my friends proud and that is really stupid. I do like him a bit but...he's just a dick. The problem is that even though I know he's an absolute ass I can't help but like him and it just sucks. How do I get over it?

3-My Friend, Let's call him G: I won't talk much about G because he can see this. G has been my friend for years. I used to like him and well...I got friendzoned basically (after which I went completely psycho because I was 13 and he was the first guy I ever liked). Well we got over that and we're fairly mature and we talk all the time. He's coming to my singing school next year and well, I think its just a chance fr us to catch up a little more beause we're out of school and we can. I really don't have a problem with G, I'm just glad he's someone I can patch up a friendship with.

So yeah, that's my little...um...update. Don't judge me, I'm just feeling a little Eh because I've made a huge mistake with M, and so L being an ass is my karma, and G is a guy I used to like that I get to patch things up with...advise if you want. I'm really just venting here.

 

I'm so confused right now. How in the hell are you a ****.. i just... what..

Regarding your ex, my advice to you would be to remember that exes are exes for a reason. You said yourself that the relationship was 'dreadful'. Even if you feel guilty and even if you regret it, if it ain't right, it ain't right. Some things just aren't meant to be.

As for L, it's okay to ogle hot guys lol. However, I think you know that if he's an ass, he's not boyfriend material. You deserve better than someone like him and this notion of 'making your friends proud' is silly. A relationship should be between you and your partner; your friends shouldn't really come into the equation. Just try imagine what a relationship with L or someone like him would actually be like and you should soon get over him.

 

(gurl pls you don't sound like a slut at all)

If the reason you broke up with M is one you're still definitely sure about, I'd advise not going back to him for the moment. After a split, it's pretty hard to say you completely given up on those feelings -- they'll still spook around a bit after the matter, but again if you're sure you don't want to go back, they'll probably go away sooner or later.

L seems like an assbutt, and well, lol. It's fine to find him attractive and all, but pursuing a relationship with someone who's really offputting is probably only gonna lead to bad times. Not sure how to advise getting over him, but I think if you just keep in mind that he's...well, an assbutt, your reasoning should be enough to get him off the "Hot A What" list.

G sounds really nice! I think you should be able to patch up the friendship just fine with him. Dunno if you do plan on pursuing him in the future, but from what you've presented, he sounds like the best potential ruby to your amethyst (if you do want to haha. also sorry that joke was probably bad).

 

Well--first off, you shouldn't always run for guys with good looks. Let's just say they're hot--but what if they're not the nice kind of guys. Know what I'm saying? If you'd like to go back into a relationship with M, you'd have to need the help of your friends to convince him that you still like him. G, however--you can start a relationship with him if you really like him, but I'm trying to say that some guy friends just like to stay as friends. [Like mine by the way.] I'm just suggesting options so you don't actually have to do what I say. But I hope you put your chin out and talk to that guy you like. [Putting your chin out is just a saying so don't go freaking out.]

 

The split was in May, so a while ago. I remember why I broke up with him but now I just keep thinking that maybe I could've put up with him, maybe I was being a b*tch, maybe I really didn't have a good reason to break up with him...and so...here I am with that.

That was quite a good joke, actually haha. G is not a guy i would pursue, or not yet anyway. My reason being that we haven't seen each other in person since I moved schools 4 years ago...so I think it would be a little awkward. I do think that I will get to see him a lot more next year, which is good.

 

Do you still think the reason is pretty sound?

It's pretty easy to get lost in hindsight about a relationship; I did for a while after I ended my first (and only lolol) one. Rose tinted glasses tend to obscure the reasoning you had behind it, blind you to the negatives and only let you see the good times. It's fine and natural to remember the good times, and it's okay to ponder "did i do a good thing", but before you make a serious choice on it, just keep the reason behind the break-up and ask yourself if where you are right now in the present can handle the consequences (both good and bad) of going back.

tl;dr: It's fine to have doubts, but just don't forget why they're an ex, like Mish had said.

 

If there was a reason behind the breakup, something that made you want to end it that badly, there's a good chance it was a good reason. If you think that maybe you acted a bit hastily though, is there anyway (if you even want to) get back together?

It's always good catching up with old friends. Who knows how things might play out. But if you think yo might like him then it might be good to see how he feels about you when that time comes.

I wouldn't look at L . . . guys like that . . . make me, a guy, think that men a pigs. I know crushes happen and you can't control it . . . but . . . you deserve better than that.

 

If your feeling guilty or not right about your break up with your ex, then maybe the dust their hasn't settled yet. I'm not saying that you should get back together with him, because like everybody else said, if their was a reason for the break up, then it wasn't meant to be I guess. But are you sure that their isn't tension still in the air between you two? Do you feel that he might hold something against you for how the break up went down? If not, and yet you feel guilt, then maybe you should just think about all of it went down, and maybe apologize for how it went, and that you never meant to hurt him and that it wasn't going anywhere for you. I don't know, I might not be the best guy to get advice from, not the greatest when it comes to relationships myself..........anyways on to guy num 2.

DON'T DATE HIM!!!! Sorry, but if this guy is a ass and a dick, and your just doing this to make your friends proud, you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. My personal belief on dating is, you are dating for the future idea of getting married. If you can't see that with this person, then you probably shouldn't. Also it's not wrong to like a person because they are hot/good looking, it's human nature that we do that. Were attracted to other people, but we shouldn't be with someone just because of that.

Now for your friend that you are going to see again at this school. I would probably not try and pursue something right off. I would spend some time with him, catch up on life and such. But don't do it so much to where you get freindzoned ( don't see how a girl gets friendzoned, but whatev's............). Anyways, just try and focus on schooling and all that, and I'm sure you will find the right guy eventually, and he will feel the same about you.

And I'm going to give everybody a little piece of advice that some of my friends have given me about finding somebody. You won't find somebody that your happy with, until your happy with how you are living now by yourself.When your happy and comfortable alone, you will find somebody. That's the advice that was given to me, and I am honestly pretty good right now in my life. I'm not actively pursuing anybody right now, I'm pretty happy with how things are going in my life right now. Am I happy being alone? It kinda sucks, but I try not to think to much on it, but I'm not being depressed all the time like I was being, and things are going well. But that is my two cents worth. Take it how you will.

 

I've already done all that. I guess theres a bit of tension between us but nothing too awkward. I've already apologised, but idk I feel kinda...unsatisfied? Like I still have the guilt of it all and I'm not entirely sure why.

Yeah, I've pretty much given up on it entirely, so I dont care anymore

Its not that uncommon, especially when I have enough balls to ask a guy out at 13.

Thankyou for your advice though :)

 

well for starters you dont sound like a **** and just follow your heart, thats some advice my friend gave me oce and it hasnt lead me wrong since

 

As it turns out G and L are pretty much lost causes. I have given up on L entirely because I don't fit his criteria, and G is nice but I feel pressured to agree with him all the time. That's control, and that's not good. As for M...I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about him. I like him being my best friend, and I wouldn't want anything to jeopardise that. I can't help the fear that I will lose him, just because its my karma from how I treated him.

Also...this may contribute to my growing insanity, or just be another portion of it: but I am genuinely petrified that M will be the only guy stupid enough to ever ask me out. I feel as if I have screwed up so bad that I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady, which is cool, but I'd rather not be single. This is a genuine fear that I've had for a while and I'm not sure if its completely irrational or not.

 

Hey, love, that is compeltely irrational. I easily see you in a relationship with someone, you're open, lovely, beautiful, smart and a great singer ! : D

But don't get into a relationship with someone just to be in a relationship. It's bad for you and him. Unless you can see salvageable or repaired, then go for it again if you're both willing to work at it but don't bother if you only see it going no where.

 

Thanks for your advice, guys, it really means a lot.

M is on his way to London as we speak to begin his little Europe trip. Last night I kinda apologised (for apparently the 50th time) for how everything went down, and I think the guilt is just slowly going away. I think now its more a fear of losing M as a friend, but he's told me countless times not to worry. Problem is, I worry too much, so I'll end up guilt tripping myself from this fear again and apologising again lol. I have my problems.

I have not spoken to L, nor do I want to. He's an idiot and I don't consider pursuing him at all.

G is also on holidays, but I forget where. The thing about G is I keep asking him if he wants to meet up, and he keeps giving me the absolute worst excuses to not meet up. I can guess why but i'm not entirely sure. We'll see what next year at singing brings him.

So that is my news. Thankyou for all your lovely advice, it is very much appreciated! :)