Well the issue is that I'm tired of everything. I'm so sick of being treated like I don't exist and the things I say somehow being taken in a completely different direction and way. I don't know how to do this anymore... There's a lot of new pain I've experienced in the past...heh, 24 hours actually. But the problem is these wounds aren't healing and this pain I feel in my heart is just...too real. From the very beginning, the reason I joined here was only to be involved in a roleplay where I could show everyone and express just how freely creative I can be and to meet people who shared the same love for Kingdom Hearts as I do. I can't coherently explain why I feel this way without sounding insane. I guess I should give it a try....well, to me being in an rp is like joining a family. The longer you rp with them, the closer you are to them. Even those who never speak to one another either in pm, vm or a simple OOC. But imagine a family of rp-ers that has dwindled to three of the original...and gained two new members even. And now take that lovely image and try to add someone else who goes against a small request of one of the original members of the family. Something smaller than small. Enough that it wouldn't even change barely anything of any part of this new member. And yet you are denied and suddenly two of your family side against you and belive you've done something horribly wrong. It's like you just killed their puppy and blamed it on a wolf and yet no matter how much you apologize or try to explain, you're ignored and treated worse than the wolf. Now you're left with two choices...one: leave your family forever or two: stay and be treated worse than the wolf in which you're stripped of your dignity, beaten, and even kicked when you're down on the ground as submissive as you can get. Now imaging your heart in the palm of the hands of your supposed family and have them rip that precious object to pieces. You can still feel the bite of their nails and the malicious hatred in their eyes...all that pain, focused on one thing... your heart. You'll find yourself where I am. The point isn't about the rp...it's that by leaving by my own choice, I watch my creations that I poured my heart into be unraveled and destroyed and molded into something that seems so horribly wrong that it's currently made me throw up twice. A lot of people would call me mentally unstable...and I know this is true. But I've never been a stable person. I don't cope well with severe anger or depression. The anger makes me ill and the depression makes me suicidal. I would never label myself stable and the one thing I had that kept me just a few feet from the border of stable and unstable has now been ripped from my heart. I'm not asking you to fix me. I'm asking that those who read this simply understand. For I can't be fixed and I can't be saved. I live a life where everyday I'm reminded of at least ten reasons why I don't want to be alive anymore and five reasons why I still am. And yet, the last straw has been cut and I can feel the wind rushing past my ear. Perhaps I should've labeled this goodbye....
I know how you feel about rps, I feel the same way as that. And since we've rpd together you are like family to me now. Something important. I wish I could say something more to help, but that is hard to do when I don't even know why I am still alive... I guess it is to be able to meet some online friends one day. But please don't let this be a goodbye. Even if you think it is selfish of me to ask you to keep living I ask of it. I am sure I wouldn't be the only one to miss you.
I can understand how you feel........but imagine if you were instead the leader of a family and you were being yelled at from all sides and eventually get to the point to where you even lose your motivation to continue with a world that you made and cherished and loved...and even get peeved at almost everyone for being the innocent being bashed about with clubs [Metaphoricly of course]...but my point is that you shouldn't kill yourself...because your friends don't want you dead....your family don't want you dead....and personally......I don't want you dead.....because your my friend....:D
TN13, don't kill yourself. You shouldn't kill yourself over online things. Just think of the good things in your life, smile, and keep walking the path of life.
I am the Peacekeeper of this family, and I've tried very very hard to keep everyone happy. Sadly, this didn't play out well. But if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. Am I stable as well? No, not even close. But I try to remain as neutral and happy for others every day. I am your partner, and I will protect you, even from yourself.
Hold it right there! Grabs your shoulders. PLEASE don't do anything drastic. Come talk to me please, I would love to help. *Hugs you* It seemed like you need that.
But at the same time, if he felt like he NEEDED to post here, then that is just saying something about this "family", isn't it? Now, I may not be an RPer, but I do understand where you're coming from. It hurts when it sees friends who were like your family disappear into the distance. But at the same time, remember this: if they don't try to fix things, if they don't wish to help in any way at all, they were nothing close to family. However, at the same time, there are billions of other people out there in the world. And may I remind you that this site is also filled with hundreds of thousands of people. If some friends don't work out, you'll find others that will. Trust me, there are people on this site who I absolutely adore (and since I see her viewing this as I'm writing this post, Jayn 8D ) If this doesn't help, I'm sorry, but suicide is never the answer. Life is something YOU shape into. If things aren't going well with people, it will be hard, but you just have to keep moving forward. If this did help and you would like to talk more, feel free to PM me. And I'm perfectly willing to be your friend if you need it. c:
I understand both sides of the story. Still, I don't find TN at fault here, only because she is standing by her beliefs. She's a nice person, fragile, but a good person when it comes to it. Listen, there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn't kill yourself. Yes, it feels like you have been betrayed by those close to you, but there are a number of others (obviously me included) who care for you and want to see you prosper. Please, PM me so I can help you out. You are not pathetic or weak; you're just in a situation that you don't know how to fully handle.
@Plums: xD <33 I don't really get what's going on, considering the fact that it seems more like a personal debate and the details have yet to be uncovered. I do want to point out that you can technically throw in a make-out post in a role play and it would be fine as long as there were no...fondle, grab, sexual sexual things. Cleavage isn't that bad. The only thing sexual would really be her breasts being exposed or something like that. ...Err. I don't know what's going on with the yuri, either, but there are different sexual orientations and I feel that should be respected, so long as no one is forcing themselves on another. But the point of this thread doesn't seem to be the actual problem. So I feel like all of your debating should go elsewhere, somewhere private. This thread is for TN, and she's obviously having an extremely hard time, emotionally. So if you aren't here to help, then I think you should stop posting here. It's off-topic. Twilight Nobody, please do not take your life over this madness. It is temporary, things will NOT always be like this. If it's putting this much pressure on you, then maybe you should take a break for RPing and instead keep in contact with your friends and write individually. That way you can creatively express yourself, without having to expose yourself to things that you aren't comfortable with. Besides, these people seem to be willing to at least talk about it and arrange something. You shouldn't stay in situations that make you feel so down, when you have a choice. If it's doing more bad then good, then you should step away from the situation. Take some time to yourself. Focus on things that aren't stressful for you, talk with friends who care and actually make you feel better. You are an extremely talented girl, I love your posts and the immersion they bring. It would be a shame to let a situation like this bring you so far down. Keep your chin up, hun.
[COLOR="CC00000"]Enough guys, take your damn arguments to PM or VM or MSN, I don't ****ing care, just take it off a thread asking for help. I'll babysit this thread if I have to, but I certainly hope all of you are more mature than that. Will edit this with an actual response for a minute but I'm cleaning out the thread first. [/COLOR]
Thank you monochrome. I'll do my best to keep our promise. Along with all the rest of my promises.... I know it hurts you too Nuthead, I understand that the beginning of this fight has been taken through you and it's not fair to you. You have been a good leader at times and I want to stick around to stay your friend. But as the one with the only amount of authority left, it's all left on your shoulders to defend those people in that family. Even if they're wrong about something. It's a lot of work left to you, and I'm sorry it's left to you, but for good reason I left in the first place. Making people happy isn't something I can do all the time and you shouldn't either. Online things were my sanctuary. Real life kicks my *ss repeatedly and there are worse people around me in person than those on here who are like that. I don't smile much anymore because I smile too much. A form of lying is a fake smile. I will not smile for someone else's benefit. Thank you. we've talked and I know you care about me. There isn't a whole lot you can protect me from but what you say matters to me a great deal. Um....what? I don't do hugs....even when I cry. It's not something I do really. Prosper? Isn't that a word you use for describing a buisness or something? I'm more or less alright today. I'll be alright....I have to be...
TN13, once again i apologize for you being sad. I blame myself mostly for the argument that happened to in the RP thing..any way i can make it up to you?
I have never exactly met you before, but I am understanding where you come from. Nobody can ever stop you from doing something, they can only convince you, and try to change your mind. So, the choice is yours entirely. We all just want what you want, so whatever decision you make, well, then that's the decision you make. Now it's my turn to try to convince you. Suicide won't exactly answer your problems, it just is like running away permanently. If somebody doesn't care, or want to help in any way, or even apologize if they did something, even if they're family, their not friends. Friends make each other happy, apologize if they ever did something, care, try to help, etc. But overall, no matter what, suicide is not the answer to any of problems, for anybody. No matter how many times you get pushed down, fall into the dirt, feeling unable to move on, you get up, brush off the dirt, and just continue on, no matter how much your body aches, the pains, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. I understand where you come from, real life really stinks for me, and I go online, on the internet, to KHV, to get away from those problems for a little bit. Because here, whoever you are, there is always someone who respects you for who you are. I'm sorry if this was pointless to read and didn't help, but all of KHV is a family, much like RPing, and, whether I sound selfish for not, we don't want to lose a member of our family.
Twi... You're a good friend of mine too. We don't talk to often, but you are an amazing RP'er and you are a great person on this site. And I really care for you too along with all the others here who have said that they care. I really hope this won't be goodbye. Trust me when I say that it's never the answer. I lost my best friend... for various reasons... and well... yeah. It's just never the answer even if it feels like there is no other escape. Now I dunno what this argument was about and I don't wanna know as it's none of my business, but at the end of the day that isn't the main issue. Twi, if you ever feel like you wanna talk, just drop me a PM or whatever. I WILL be there for you. And that is a promise should you feel that you do wish to talk to me. As I'm sure with everyone else that has offered means the same. The fact is, a lot of us on the site care for you... and yeah.. I just want you to know that. :/
You guys are all so very unique and it makes me remember that there are a lot of good people left in the world. But I don't smile for everyone's sake; I smile when I'm truely happy. I don't think I'll be smiling for real for a long time. What happened hurt way too close to home and it damaged something inside me. There's just something that I guess was dumb of me to believe that the people here wouldn't make everything about your body. I guess I was wrong..... I'm a reasonable person. There isn't a whole lot that can upset me when it comes from someone who I don't hold close to my heart. But I thought I was friends with the people I rp-ed with; I trusted them. I didn't think that kind of trust would be broken over something so stupid. I don't ask much, hell, I don't ask for barely anything. But I make one request and suddenly it's as if I dropped a bomb on a children's hospital. I'm not a selfish person, I'm not even a very brave person so to ask something of someone takes a lot of my courage. To be denied when my logic is right and then to be called ******ed.....is unneccesary name calling and hurtful. No, I'm not the brightest crayon in the pack. For all anybody knows I lied about my age and am actually seven years old. It wouldn't be like you can tell. Which is why that argument meant something to me personally. We all forget younger people can skim the internet, find this from their interest in Kingdom Hearts (as I found it) and start reading anybody's rp. I'm just saying, I wanted to protect those younger than myself and keep an environment that was respectful of every human being to set an example.....apparently I failed at that and it makes me a little irrational with my own thoughts. I know death wouldn't be the best way to handle something like this. It is like running away and that's not who I want to be. But I am a coward, I can't help it if my first thought is to run away like that. Sixteen years of my life I've been told I was a coward by my very own brother, made fun of for my appearance and the way I do things, and even for what I read. Even back then I thought my answer was suicide. Save for the fact that I was too young to know how to actually end my life and I didn't like blood and had a low tolerance for pain.
**** Happens, and life is not easy, it was never supposed to be. I think the problem is that you care too much about what people say. I used to be like that myself, but the problem is eventually you'll believe everything people say, and eventually believe good things are bad. Who cares if someone didn't like how you look? Someone always will. Why should anyone care about how you look anyway? Criticizing others is often just a sign that they themselves are insecure. Please, don't do something drastic, I already saved Alice once, and it was for a reason :) I know people who have committed suicide, and please understand: Nothing good comes from it. You won't gain anything, you gain everything by living. You were put here on earth for a reason, and that reason was not to leave too soon.
