What a thriving wordsmith community you have here. i'm sorry for desecrating it with my awful un-rhythmic and overtly wordy nonsense. — — attempt ( Untitled ) i've not slept in many beds corners and glitches where i rest carpets stained and scrubbed up red ceilings hung and cracked, deep, and grey, and mottled lead undignified we sludge and sled under the sheets of reels and flirting and peels, boy i am hidden in the cracks, thread. as much as i've been pled to, and you know the temperature drops and drips below, i am laid bare and empty — grasp this only, time's a given, a heavy hand can't feel the tips, a riot now, abbreviated scripts. since it was all i had to adore you .
You should give yourself more credit Diz, this is actually really good. Aside from the text being a little too small (of course my vision is bad anyway) it's a really good read. Not every piece has to be titled anyway, some stand alone. This is one of them. I don't know where you are basing your assumptions but I think this was great, and I await the next one ^_^
(finally replying i keep my promises) Lovely lovely lovely. I did not feel it was wordy at all, quite the contrary, you said what you had to say simply without it becoming too colloquial. I often don't like poems that have overt rhymes because they can start to sound too sing-songy, but you didn't fall into that. I think I am a little bit too hungry to interpret at the moment but I get an overall sense of hiding oneself (or not being open?), not expressing oneself (perhaps out of fear?). a+
hi i haven't commented on poetry in a long time so i am sorry if this is bad Seconding Misty that it wasn't overtly wordy at all. :v Unless you're planning on going for a narrative poem, I always found some of the best poems (and even stories!) are those with only a few words. Back on topic again, I liked it as well. I actually got a kind of funeral image (the first two lines of the fourth stanza especially did this), which sort of fits in with the overall sense of hiding oneself/not being open that Misty mentioned: the narrator seems to acknowledge that they haven't experienced much in life ("i haven't slept in many beds") and seems to actually be resigning themself to these cracks they laid for themself.
Not sure why you wouldn't see this as talent. That is something you have and no one can deny that. If they do its probably for the fear of another upcoming inspiration to those with the same fear as you.
I must say that was quite good. I was pictures as I read it and that really put me inside your work. And if you can draw your readers into your work that means you have a lot of talent. I hope you write some more soon.
truly, i appreciate this feedback. This is another poem, much shorter and actually a little older than the first piece. I um, yeah, thank you for the feedback and hopefully I can continue to supply something to read and consider. · · · · · Untitled ( short ) your damn posture, you’ve wrapped yourself a straight kneed hero, back strung like hot gun glue, hard and you’re ready to do whatever, you’re far too young ,
