November 12, 2014 Dawn, the Edge of the Earth The land was bare all that stood was a single dead tree and a bolder or two around, two people stood about fifteen feet apart one was a woman appearing about twenty two years old wearing a red Nike sweatshirt and normal jeans. She had deep brown hair about shoulder length and both of her ears were pierced. The other person standing there was a male; he looked like he was twenty-three years old he was wearing a black tee shirt, baggy jeans, and a grey hat. His hair was dirty blonde ear length. It appeared that he had lost his right eye because it was shut and it didn’t appear to move at all. After around ten minutes the guy got enough courage to speak to the beautiful girl. “ Amy please don’t miss meâ€. He started walking backwards towards the edge of the cliff to a great chasm of nothing but deep black, it seemed almost bottomless. After another few awkward moments Amy replied with a soft unfeeling “Don’t worry Mark…I wontâ€. Mark felt a small tug at his heart he let a single tear escape from his eye then he walked over the edge. Amy let a small yelp as he did so and she ran to the edge to see if he had really done it after a few seconds she turns and starts walking back to a small black car, she gets in and without a single thought starts to drive away. With a great flash the scene changes to Mark spiraling downwards with great speed. Tears are now flowing down his face. He adjusted his legs so it appeared that he was lying down and he opened his right eye and millions of memories fly out from it End of chapter 1
I liked it, even though you could use some work on your sentence structure. For example, where is the period for the last sentence?
I thought the story was a bit short... LOL! I think I sort of get it though. And yeah, it's interesting...
Polls arent allowed in the Creativity Corner. And also, its a pretty good beginning but it needs work.
