Ugh, this took so long to make, and I'm so glad the first chapter is over. Basically, this is a story I wrote during a boring Algebra I Honors class. I am so glad right now, but so tired. And I'm sorry it's confusing. It's meant to be like that. I'll explain in the remaining four chapters. Amnesia Does Exist 001: Precognition Through Appearance Body numb, and visual sight being distorted at the moment, I feel weak. As if my day couldn't get any ******. My eyes adjust to the dark foresight, all I can see is faint light from the dying bulbs within hanging lights. But through that frustrating light, I see scars of bright white upon the metal walls. It showed for its past of torturous psychosis. Looking in front of myself with eyes of no expression, I hear absolutely nothing but snoring and whispering. More people existed through these seemingly barren hallways. One of them so happen to be sitting in the cell across from mine. The teenager turned to me with awakened eyes to only be staring into my eyes, and then back down to my straight jacket. These straight jackets. So constricting, it agitates. This odd feeling of wanting to slice through the sleeves with my arms, is becoming abundant. But ignoring my emotion at the moment, the person across from my cell, began to speak towards me. Hopefully, the conversation would be as ******ed as the guards. "So, you're Data 0136. Am I right?" "Data 0136? What the hell are you talking about?" "Don't tell me they injected you ..." "Injection?!" My yell echoed through the hallways which altered that snoring into shock, and the whispering became copious with the rest of the voices. The whispering calmed me for some reason. But then again, so did the loud hum of the built in fan that so happened to be blowing my long, red hair softly. Calm and expected for a conversation, I looked back at the teenager with my light green, tired eyes. "Mind telling me where I am?" You could tell the person didn't want to have to repeat himself. But as he took a sigh, the unknown presence began to talk. "It's a long story." "I'm not going anywhere. I've got time." "Good point." Here came the silence once again. Already, I began to feel friendly to this person across from my cell. "You are in a prison, as you can see. But it's not very ordinary, as you can tell by your fan. I'm guessing they injected you with some sort of Amine. Which, is basically amnesia inducing interjectional material. If not that, you must have hit your head pretty damn hard when the guards threw you in." "You still haven't answered my question. It's obvious we are in a prison, but what prison." Sighing, the boy leaned up against a wall to then continue the conversation with relaxation. "Tokyo. A prison classified for only those who possess abnormal, metaphysical powers and abilities. In other words, a place to lock up those who the old folk hate because we accidentally stepped on their lawn. Little did they know they were probably talking to one of us supernaturally enhanced people." The story seemed confusing, and cliche, at first glance. But soon turned into something more believable. I mean, I have a clean police record. How possibly could I be thrown in jail? And with a straight jacket, at that. "Now then, what is Data 0136?" "It's you, obviously." "No shit." "It's a codename to keep people from freaking out." "Because they might know who they really are?" "Pretty much. You see, riots in this prison begin when some schizophrenic dumb ass gets under so much pressure, that they go completely mad. Just goes to show how mad this place can get." "You told me about injections. Experimental procedures, I'm guessing?" "Bingo. This place is strict with that stuff, just letting you know." Sure as hell, I could tell that. If you think about it, it's sort of just like a futuristic concentration camp that doesn't drive you mad. Already ten minutes awake, and I find myself tired, bored, and hungry. Time unknown, I could only draw the conclusion that it was night time by the low illumination through the square windows. But what had me puzzled was, what the hell was this guy's name? "If you are wondering, my name is Kazu." Kazu was reading my mind. Perhaps he had some sort of mind reading abilities. Of course, it was obvious. Or maybe this person just really knows how to start a good conversation. I could never tell the difference. "How about your name, Mystery Data?" Now it was Mystery Data. Why the nicknames? "... Ashida." "Ashida? That's rather creative. Nice to meet you, Ashida." "Likewise, Kazu." Not for an explanation. Preparing to ask a question, I braced myself for the story Kazu was certainly ready to tell. But, as I asked a question, it was shocking how Kazu could be asleep. Sitting alone in that open, metal cubicle. I could feel the fresh air, and the nice cold vibe, unbelievably. Why is it so comfortable? My guess was they were afraid of us. Make us feel calm to prevent our madness. Sounds reasonable. Now, who am I? Why am I here? It's sad how I only can answer the first question. Ashida Burea. Being nineteen and would be considered not so usual, all I can remember now of myself is that I am in a band. The name that was faded both literally, and figuratively within my mind, came back to me steadily. But I never thought through it. I had more concerning matters, as rude as it sounds. Who am I? Really. This all seems like something from a cliche mystery book. The only unfortunate part, is that science fiction would be fitting within the same combination. Heh, more like non-fiction. Living through something that was just context and dreams, I fell asleep as I eased my mind away from the crowding thoughts. And to only find myself dreaming ... of a girl.
I actually like the kinda disjointed and broken feeling that this evokes. You should work to keep yourself from going too far from the rules of grammar, but it's a nice use of something like that to get a point across. It's not bad at all.
Oh god, I REALLY like this. For some reason the idea of Amnesia has always fascinated me. You've set up a beautiful plot so far and it's totally got amazing potential. My only comment is that you might try to be a bit more in depth with the other person across the hall's emotions. You've made it pretty clear in all places except for the dialogue, remember that when people speak there's always a certain way it's said and there's always a reason behind it. Also I noticed some tense issues, you switched from past to present a few times. Other than that, minor to no complaints. I want more. >>
