My two friends who are girls were arguing with one of my friends' ex-boyfriend because they broke up, the boyfriend was cheating, so they decided to go and harass the guy and his new girlfriend. Now I was like on board, I was like watching and enjoying it, but then, something snapped in my head and I realized that it was developing into a bad fight because they were making dates to go fight each other, it was just a group of people arguing. It was like a 3 on 3 argument, and I was just watching them comment on Facebook, then I had to tell them to stop, it was time to end it, but it slowly died down but started to rise back up, so I had to become harsh about it and told one of my friends that she had to stop or else I had to do something I didn't want to do, but she couldn't stop, so I had no choice but to talk with the ex-boyfriend and told him I was on his side and attempted to stop the argument, a few minutes later they finally stopped, but at the cost of it, I may have lost my friend, her and I get along extremely well, I always help her out with her problems, but now she may not forgive me, she said she was having fun but honestly, how could you have fun insulting and harassing a guy who wanted to leave his girlfriend but the girl did it for him, so why harass him, he deserved a little bit of it at first, but after awhile they had to stop, he didn't deserve to be hounded by all kinds of people. So my question is, was I wrong for what I did?
Not entirely sure whether the method was right, because i'm not sure of the backstory too much so i can't judge whether siding with the ex was a good idea or bad, but i can tell you this: Your intentions were good. Trying to solve conflicts isn't a bad thing, it should be praised. Hopefully she'll realise that you tried to do the right thing and then you two can get along fantastic again. Whatever happens, best of luck.
Yeah I'm glad you see my intentions were good, I noticed that she had changed her status to single, and then they both were talking about her ex, so I decided to go see what was going on or rather what went on since they asked me to, at first I was with them about the girl, I mean she really didn't look good compared to my friend who he cheated on for her, but still, some people can see beauty in their eyes even when others don't find them beautiful, so I had to respect him which is why I did what I had to do.
In the ex-boyfriend's eyes, you were correct, as you were defending him from insults and attacks that were, in his mind, unwarranted. In your friend's eyes, you actively chose to oppose her and side with a person who backstabbed her and hurt her. In siding with him and protecting him, you betray her trust in you. I won't pass judgement on your morality, but I will say that for your own wellbeing, I suggest supporting your friends. It's not worth putting your friendship on the line to defend someone you are not close to. You don't necessarily have to actively partake in the attacks, but I see no reason to go out of your way to place yourself at risk for the ex-boyfriend's sake. To actually state that you are on the side of the ex-boyfriend is to risk losing far more than you can gain. You're wrong when you say you didn't have a choice. You had the choice of doing nothing, and letting it run its course. Alternatively, you could have instead tried to coax your friends away from the fight without choosing such a confrontational method. You had other options, but you chose not to take them. From what I can tell, this was a mistake in terms of personal benefit. Whether or not it was morally correct isn't for me to say.
Right there you are also correct, in the way I see it, I could've kept trying to stop them, I did all I could, and in the end I settled the argument, they stopped, but I may have lost my friend in the process. Sad part is, I told her that I wouldn't abandon her, which is what I kinda did. She's been tricked before, lost friends because of stupid things, and she's been betrayed before, and I broke that. Like Smurf said, my intentions were good, but at the same time those actions were gonna hurt a friend. I wanted to leave it alone, but I've been raised to always offer aid to anyone in need of it, if I see a conflict escalating, then I was taught to stop it or at least decrease it if possible. I've been doing that and helping out friends for years, sometimes it's almost gotten to this point but this is the first it's ever gotten that bad.
Hmm. Such a mentality, while noble, isn't particularly beneficial for you. If you feel that you must try to help, may I recommend that in future, you try to do so in a way that won't cause more conflict? In the long run, it could be better to allow things to run their course. In trying to stop the initial fight, you could inadvertently spark a conflict between your friend and you, creating more conflict than there would have been if you had not intervened, or at the least, interfered so forcefully. If we're going by a utilitarian viewpoint, I'd argue that stepping in caused more total harm than if you had not. You see, the ex expects such treatment. After all, he cheated on her. It's nothing surprising or out of the ordinary, and thus, ironically enough, not as personal or hurtful. On the other hand, you stepping in to take his side is uncommon. Your friend would not expect that from you. As a result, even if more harm to the ex was avoided, the total harm received by persons could potentially be greater, as your friend is surprised and hurt by your betrayal.
Yeah I realized that minutes ago, and I talked to her and she said it's understandable and then I explained it all to her so she's actually all happy faced right now. So for the future I won't interfere like that, she told me to interfere if it's between her and a close friend, or in other words people we know well, otherwise I have to stay out of it. I told her I would stay out of it, but I made her understand that things like that have consequences on both people, and I used what I did as an example and now she understands fully so honestly ever was worked out just by me going in and fixing it with her. I think she's right, there is something about me because things like this hardly play out in a good way. But anyway I appreciate the advice from the both of you guys!
