Note before I put this up here... This chapter is supposed to be a mix of seriousness and comedy..(you'll see, but not much comedy..this is my serious fanfic Just the parts with Kairi arguing...=D) ------------------------------------- CHAPTER 1 ------------------------------------- Kairi was walking along the beach on her, and her other two friend's, Sora and Riku, home, the Destiny Islands, when a memory hit her. About two years ago, when she and Sora were fourteen years old, and Riku was fifteen, Sora turned himself into a heartless...for her. To free her heart. She had been thinking about that day, at Kingdom Hearts, when she got separated from Sora, not much later than that. Then when her, Sora, and Riku united once again in the World that Never Was, she hadn't though about it much, but for some reason, the memory hit her just now. Tears formed in her eyes. "To think...that...Sora's ok..." she thought aloud. "...what if he hadn't made it? If he had stayed a heartless?" Just then, a storm broke out on the islands, and heartless appeared. She was on the other side of the island from her home. "Riku!" She screamed, in vain. "Sora!?"... "Kairi, wake up! You have company!" Kairi jerked up. Riku knocked on the door once more. "Kairi?" he asked. She slipped out of her bed clothes, and into her dress. "Be right there, Riku!" she said. She slipped on her shows, and ran out the door, right past Sora nd Riku. "Jeez, Kairi, slow down a bit!" Sora said, jokingly. She stopped, and looked back. "Sorry..." she said, a bit sadly. Then she brightened up, because she knew that Sora and Riku cared about her enough to want to know what going on with her. She could see why. She felt the same. To care about someone. She though about her dream last night. "Riku...Sora..." She could hear her own voice in her head, screaming her friend's names, all in vain. "So, what're doing today?" she asked to thin air, for Sora and Riku had already gone out of the house. She realized they had gone. "Wha-? Where are you guys?" Kairi ran out. "We were outside, where else?" Riku stated. Kairi looked down for a brief moment. "Ok, I'll ask again," she began in a huffy voice. "what're we doing today?" Sora snickered. "Nice, Kairi. Don't you think you think that sixteen years old is too old to be huffy?" Kairi lightly punched him. "No, why?" she asked, with almost no emotion. "Hey," she said, in a normal voice this time, "Where's Namine and Roxas? Aren't they usually with you two?" Riku and Sora stopped. Then Riku looked at Sora. "Yeah," he said tauntingly "Where are they?" Sora held a guilty expression. "Well, I...I..kinda left them on the other side of the Island this morning." He noticed Kairi and Riku's dumbstruck faces. "What? They deserve some time to themselves!" Riku straightened up. "Your right. They do desvere a bit of time together." Kairi nodded. She, Sora, and Riku just kept walking. They passed everyone they knew since they were little, but like them, were all grown up. Who knew that one could go from being six or seven to sixteen in such a short amount of time. Seventeen for Riku. She remembered when Riku and Sora would play with their wooden swords, and she'd pretend to be the damsel in distress, the pretty princess that they'd have to go save. Good old days... she thought. And now, they've ended. We're too old for fake adventures, and we've definitely been through more danger than any fake adventure could give. Much more... She thought, as she again reminded herself of her dream last night. "Kairi?" "Kairi??" Sora prodded her with a stick. "What the- SORA!!" screamed Kairi. "Well, you zoned out!" he yelled right back. Riku rolled his eyes. Another one of their petty arguments... he thought with more disgust this time than last. "I did not say that!" "Yes you did!" "No, I didn't!" "Yeah, you DID!" Kairi seemed like she was finished arguing, because if she's through, she'll end with an explosion. Riku walked over. "Say what?" he inquired. Kairi looked at him with a sad look. "Sora said that he'd rather be doing something else than hang out with us." Sora looked confused. "I did not, I SAID," he emphasised 'said', "that I'd rather do something but sit around here. Get in motion, ya know?" Kairi stood up. "Well, it sounded like that's what you meant..." she said with a bit of guilt on her face, and in her voice. "Sorry." Sora stood up as well. "Now, don't go off and do that! Your making me feel guilty!" Kairi smiled. "Well, I guess it's time for us to go home." said Riku, almost out of nowhere. "Bye!" they all said, simutaneously. Kairi found herself walking on the beach again, and just ahead of her, Riku was sitting by the ocean. "Hey, Riku!" she yelled, and ran over to him. But when she got there, she discovered that he was being swallowed by darkness, and was doing nothing about it. "Riku? Riku?!" she asked, almost to nothing. He looked over, and just said, "Darkness is not to be feared." But why? Dakness was a very fearful and powerful thing. Behind her, Namine appeared. "Kairi, don't you see, your dreams are trying to tell you something. Remind you of two years ago. When you, Sora, and Riku were...seperated." Kairi woke up, and looked at the clock. She knew that was the real Namine trying to speak to her. She knew what Namine could do. It's only 1:30 in the morning... she said in her head. She went back to sleep, and had peaceful dreams for the rest of the night... "Hey, Sora! Someone feeling lazy today?" Sora opened one eye. "Maybe." he said, flatly, but jokingly. Roxas walked up behing them. "What's going on?" he asked, a little mockingly. Sora stood up. "Nothing." and walked off. "Sheesh," started Roxas, "what's HIS problem? Can't he take a joke?" Namine appeared beside Roxas. "Can't you see he's thinking about something?" Roxas looked at her. "What? Thinking about something. Hey, I do more thinking than him, and-" Kairi cut him off. "Roxas, you hardly ever think. You're more like a 'take action now, think later' person." Riku looked at them. Whoah, Kairi can get into an argument with a tree, if there was nobody to argue with around... he thought. He slowly stood up, and walked over to Kairi, Roxas, Namine, and now, who just came back, Sora. "Well, Kairi, you've started off early this morning, haven't you?" he asked, smirking. "Who would have known that I was friends with the three most immature sixteen year olds on the island." Riku was pointing to Roxas, Kairi and Sora, and still smirking. "Hey!" Kairi smiled, running to catch up with Sora and Riku. This can't be a nightmare...it's too peaceful... --------------------------------- Tell me what you think!..
^_^ Ok. In the beggining, you're using too many commas. It sounds awkward and can be confusing when your readers read it. You're style is pretty straight forward, but there is such thing as being too straight forward to the point of complete bluntness. Next time, separate dialogue from descriptive paragraphs. It looks like a mushy mess of different people talking and that, too, can be confusing for the readers. (i.e. Like this: "Hey, Sora! Someone feeling lazy today?" [who's speaking?] Sora opened one eye. "Maybe." He said, flatly, but jokingly. Roxas walked up behing them. "What's going on?" he asked, a little mockingly. Sora stood up, "Nothing." and walked off. "Sheesh," started Roxas, "what's HIS problem? Can't he take a joke?" Namine appeared beside Roxas. "Can't you see he's thinking about something?) It's much easier to read that way. And when Namine "appears", that's really vague. For all we know, she could still be using the power of darkness to melt into vicinities. XD Umm... there are a few grammar issues and punctuation errors, but those are fixable. I hope I helped? ^_^' Sorry if you thought I was too harsh.
I like it, but I can understand higherbeing... it was a bit confusing. Well... I should go work on chapter 6 of mine...ugh lol
