Yay finally finished it. If alot of people like it, i might consider going through with the whole story. :) The first couple of chapters are about my made-up character. Sorry, I wouldn’t normally do that if she didn’t have a big role in the story. Hope ya like it :D *-----------------------------------------------------------------------* I was sitting there, curled up in a ball, in the ruins of the house I was once staying at. My friend... he had gone away with the rest of the house. I was in tears from the reality of it. It had all crashed down on me so fast. I didn’t know what happened to Riku, Sora, or Kairi. It felt like my whole life had been torn apart. I looked up at the gray sky it was turning a little blacker because with each passing minute, this world, the world I lived in my whole life was turning into nothingness. *-----------------------------------------------------------------------* 1 WEEK EARLIER_ I woke up in the warmth and comfort of my bed. It was a cold and crisp October morning. I got out of my secure bed and went into my small bathroom. I looked at the person in front of me and almost gagged at the sight of her; messy long black hair, plain puke colored eyes, and ghostly white skin. With nothing but a gray t-shirt and white undies on. I stepped away from the full body mirror on the back of the door, went over to the cluttered sink and turned on the faucet. The water was cold on my once warm face. When I was done I dried my face on the scratchy towel hanging from the shower railing and walked back into my room. I walked up to my lonely window and pushed it open. Chills ran down my spine causing me to shiver when lots of cold wind barged into my room. (a/n – I didn’t really know what to say there, so I just left that corny sentence) “Stupid window.” I muttered trying my hardest to shut it. I decided it was hopeless and went over to my closet door. Opened it, got out a pair of jeans and went into the hallway. On the walls were lots of pictures of my mom and me. The pictures of me when I was little seemed… happier. I walked downstairs into the kitchen and got out a bowl from the cupboard. “Good morning Aria.” I jumped 10 feet into the air and looked behind me. “God mom! You scared me. Don’t you know not to sneak up on someone?” My mom was leaning against the table in her pink robe, her brunette hair was just as messy as mine. She looked like she stayed up late working again; as she had big purple bags under her eyes. “So I was thinking if you maybe wanted to go get some lunch this afternoon. We never really do stuff together anymore like we used to…” She said. I looked at her sadly; things sort of just fell apart after dad died and we grew farther and farther away from each other. She had her work to keep her busy and I had school to keep me out of the way. “Oh um… I don’t know mom. See I have this homework I need to get done. But maybe some other time?” I felt guilty lying to my mom, but I would do anything to keep me away from another awkward conversation. “Um I’m gonna go back upstairs now.” I gave her a weak smile. “But what about your breakfast.” Mom said looking at the empty bowl I had just gotten out. “Well I’m not really that hungry right now-“ I said slowly walking back to the stairs. “-see ya later.” I walked through the hallway with the forgotten pictures and back into my room. *--------------------------------------------------------------------------------* comment because i wanna know what you think :)
Well... it is quite short. But prologues don't have to be so long to begin with. There's some grammar errors in there, but they can be easily fixed. Seems like a nice start to a story.
YAY! thank yous for your honesty :D i know it was short but it was just something i came up with really fast, and i've been thinking about making a story for a while so i decided i would post this and see if people liked or not. I don't even know if i will keep it, but if I do i will definatly spend lots of more time on each chapter to make sure it's great!
Mmmh... you should next time post the first chapter with the prologue.. It says so in the rules.. But nobody follows that rule :D It sure is short, even for a prologue. But I think that this is a powerful way to begin your fanfic ;) I hope that this story doesn't have a sad ending though, since it's pretty gray already..
thanks :D yeah sorry about it being so short i just wanted to see if people liked it or not. i might go back and put more into it to make it longer. and i kinda had an idea of the ending, its a sad one but i dont know if i will use it, i guess i will just have to see where the story goes.
Uh... actually, prologues are allowed alone. Somebody hasn't read the rules since I changed them, I see. ;D And besides, you shouldn't be encouraging people to break rules just because nobody else follows them. Anyway... It was cute- short, but cute. You spelt "minute" wrong in the penultimate line, just to remind you. You seem to be a big fan of commas, just be careful not to overuse them. If you're going to carry on the story you might want to contact a Super Moderator so they can change the thread title, since it says prologue at the moment. =3
I got the title changed for you. You can thank DPWolf. ;D Just to hint- when you update post it as a new post rather than editing the first post in the thread. Otherwise this thread wont get bumped and probably wont get attention :3 The first chapter was sweet again. You went a bit overboard with description sometimes, especially in sentences like the cheesy one with the window xD Try breaking up your work into smaller chunks with spaces between, a few lines or so. It makes everything much more attractive to read. And remember, speech requires a new line everytime somebody new talks. :3 Not bad. I wonder why she is avoiding her mom though...
