chapter 1: meeting the mysterious boy "father i will take your throne by any means posiable" The king stood on his throne sleeping, he had been drinking the night before and that's all he can remember about last night. Then 2 minutes guards slapped him awake and when he awoke he found a boy wearing a black t-shirt with green and brown pants with a sword case on his back and had red hair and 4 palace guards with him. "King Alexander the III you are under arrest and sentenced to death"said the boy sending guards at king Alex then Alex said " Why am i under arrest um" "Inferno" chimed the boy "you are under arrest for breaking all the laws in your kingdom take him away guards to the royal garden where i will chop off his head" "Stop" said a woman coming from stairs she had on a blue robe on with pretty black hair and bright blue eyes. "relese him guards he did nothing wrong let him go" she said pointing at king Alex "i wonder why she is saving me" thought King Alex
I like the discription you used it does paint the picture but a noticed a few mistakes. first: "Then 2 minutes guards slapped him awake" I think you meant to say: "Then two minutes later the guards slapped him awake" (it always looks better if you write the name of a number instead of just putting the number, in my opinion.) and the only other mistake I noticed was: "with a sword case on his back" a "sword case" is called a scabbard. Lol I don't mean to sound harsh but I'm writting a book too and this is the sort of help I like best. Though I do want to read on post me the next chapter when it's done lol
A kings punishment OMG thank you that eans i've gotten better anyways on to chapter 2 chapter 2: Why she saved him a mysterious girl who he had never seen before saved him from death or anything else. Then 5 minutes later the girl pulled out a sword and started hacking at guards to knock them out. When she knocked out all of the guards she came to Alex and said "I'm Cathrine your daughter that was your son controlling the guards." "What is that really true" said Alex "I'm afraid so your majesty and he's pulling off crimes and saying that you did them when you are innocent for control over your kingdom." said Cathrine "You had to interfere with this plan did you sister" said Inferno grabbing his greatsword verison of Excailbur "En,gard" he then said 2 minutes later
It still sounds like a good story to me..... how long do you intend to make it? if it's going to be a long story maybe longer chapters maybe something to think about?
A kings punishment Well i plan to make it kinda long at least somewhat in the 20s or 30s Chapter 3: Leaving her with him Since Cathrine started fighting Inferno she keep on saying "Leave now don't worry about me and head to the Dead mountion where all souls lay resting." When she said that Inferno always smacked her on the back of the head and after 12 times she passed out."I'll take you on Devil"said Alex pulling out his Excailbur and weilding it like a hammer and then striked Inferno with some devasting speed, Inferno said "looks like i need to get SERIOUS" and has he said that he pulled his Excailbur behind him and weilded it backwards. When Inferno was back-handed he performed a never ending combo and made Alex give up and when he heard that he said "Get stronger so that i can have a challenge for once Alexander now then sister you can sleep in crystal untill then." When he said that he used a ancent sroll on how to crystalize people and used it on Cathrine and she turned to crystal. If you want a character in this the formal chapters are over and will acept characters for me to control and use if you want your character in the story then fill this out Name: age: gender: role: why that role:
Name: Docyx Age: unknown (but looks old) Role: Gives cryptic riddles which gain great knowleadge Why that role: It's always good to have a character who adds mystery and infomation tasters helps keep people interested
why don't you make this a story on the role play area and you could write the story from peoples responces
