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The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional.

Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll
down UNTIL you have answered the question!



1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.





2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?














Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close
the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in
the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think
through the repercussions of your previous actions.



















3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...
except one. Which animal does not attend?

















Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the
refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true
abilities.




4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do
not have a boat. How do you manage it?




















Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been
listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.



According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals
they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct
answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory
that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

Ski season is here (well in some countries). The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare:

- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

- Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.

- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

- Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

- Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

- Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

- Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

- Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

- Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

- Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

- Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

- Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing.

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in
and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well
as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then
bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh!
Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son
to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another
drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to
polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing
scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he
reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!!
Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy
stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the
right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over
him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

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(Wait for it)

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(It's coming)

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(Ya ready?)

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(Take a deep breath)

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"He should've quit while he was a head!"

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: BOWLING

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: FOOTBALL

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: BASEBALL

4. Sport of choice for middle management: TENNIS

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: GOLF

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half
getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus
and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing
as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his
execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final
wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes"
answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten
it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending
hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears
the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's
never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke
is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The
executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the
executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says
the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his
banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the
switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas.
When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair.
The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The
executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The Chair,
determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair
smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man,
"Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?" The executioner
hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The
executioner pulls the handle and a billion volts go through the chair.
When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a
burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still
be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do
with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor" :)

Old Sean lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Mick, who used to help him, was in an English prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Mick,

I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I won't be able to plant me potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Father,

For CHRIST'S SAKE, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried all them feckin' BODIES!

Love, Mick




At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and local Gardai (courtesy of Michael Mc Dowell)showed up and dug up the entire garden down to a depth of about six feet. That evening, not finding any bodies, they apologized to the old man and left.

The next day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Father,

Go ahead and plant yer spuds now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and a
Safety Officer. For some reason all three offended the king and were
sentenced to die on the same day.
The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the
guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner
asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the
blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the
law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the
prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.
Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head
down?" said the executioner. "Head up," said the chemist.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the
blade-and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law
stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner
had to be released, so the chemist was set free.
Finally the Safety Officer was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head
down?" asked the executioner. "Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope,
the Safety Officer yelled out, "WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

Once, an engineer, a physicist and a safety officer all applied for the
same job. The person interviewed all three, and thought all were
excellent. He had to think of some way to find the best person. So he
told them all to come back the next day and tell him the exact height
of the building. The one who was closest would get the job.
The physicist went to the top of the building, and dropped iron
balls to the ground, and had his friend time the balls. He did
this several times.
The engineer got out a sextant, and computed ratios of a yardstick to
the building, etc.
The next day, the manager asks all three of them to tell how tall the
building is.
"75 feet, 2.8 inches" says the physicist.
"76 feet, 4.1 inches" says the engineer.
"75 feet, 8.4 inches" says the safety officer.
"My God!" said the manager, "the safety officer got it exactly correct!
How did you manage that?"
"Well", said the safety officer, "I went down to the planning
department and looked up the height in the building records."

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the empire state building
when the first man turns to the other and says, "you know, last week i
discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall
to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry
you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "what are you a nut? there is no way that could happen."


"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street
below. when he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the
building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up
to the bar. he met the second man, who looked quite astonished.

"You know, i saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time
fluke."

"No, i'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. again just
as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him
around the building and into the window.

Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the hell," the second guy says, "it works, i'll try it!"

He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th
floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says "you know,
superman, sometimes you can be a real a-hole"

It's my 2nd amv so far, and the 1st one with Sony Vegas. I started making this amv at March I think, I don't remember well. Footage is from FF Advent Children and FF Crisis Core - song used is Black Stone by Gackt.
Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1picr81cs4w

And the download link:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/h4tz5m