Except that it has a hello kitty desktop theme and everything is pink (it's my sister's laptop- you should see what the mouse cursor is!).
Then go hide under a lady's skir... a McDonald's table, and order a big cold coca-cola with 4 ice cubes.Me no find you there either
I can find you and get you, unless you go to hide in a bush. I can't find you there
It's me, trying to get to you.
http://www.borrett.id.au/computing/petals-j.htm
Take every single one I have.
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not! Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. You fall off the floor.. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
There was a lumberjack who used to work old-school style, with his loyal friend, an old axe. But after many years of work with his axe, he decided to buy a chainsaw to do his work faster. So he goes to a store with that kind of tools and looks around for something that he might find interesting, and he sees a big modern cainsaw. He points at it and says to the manager of the store, "That's what I want!". The manager tells him, "Very good sir. It's the newest chainsaw model, and it will not disappoint you. You can cut 100 trees with this only in one hour." The lumberjack excited buys it, and the next day he goes to the forest to try it. But surprisingly, he cut only 10 trees in one whole day. The next day he goes again to the forest, and does his best only to cut 13 trees in one day. Decided to cut a lot of trees the third day, he uses all of his power, and after 24 hours of work he has cut only 20 trees. Annoyed and disappointed by his new chainsaw, he goes to the store he bought it and tells the seller, "That thing is broken, it doesn't work well.You said I would cut 100 in an hour with this, but I can barely cut 20 trees in a day." The manager says, "Let me see it." He pulls the chainsaw's little rope, and vrooooom!!!.... its engine starts. The lumberjack says, "Man! How the heck did you do that?!"
Happy birthday... *looks at avatar* o.o
Guys, guys let me tell you something. Jokes aren't stolen. They are shared. After a while you'll tell me that they have copyrights too! Btw I don't think you know where I got the jokes. It's almost impossible to find out.
errr... what are you talking about?
Seems no one has a riddle, so I'll tell you one that is for babies. There is a frog, dead in the middle of an island. If he swims north, the distance to the mainland is 2 metres. If he swims south, the distance to the mainland is 3 metres. If he swims east or west, the distance is 4 metres. Which way does he swim?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hip Hop. *Gets his magnum and shoots himself*
That too :/ But you don't know my best friend. I could have even stopped it at "when you follow your best friend". But that is only for me and my best buddy :) (he soaked me a few minutes ago the b*st*rd)
When you follow your best friend though you know you're gonna get in trouble
Thanks, I've been looking for something like that for a long time now (well I want to see bad injuries by shots, e.g. arms breaking)
Am I the only one who has 7 hours difference from the rest of you?
18:20 here
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you are familiar with the famous Chile Cook-offs. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Patrick, who was visiting from New Jersey. Partick: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Patrick) -- Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI... Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI... Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC... Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh*t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing its too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 No Report
