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Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked "What's new?"

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

1. How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
2. Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
3. Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.
4. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
5. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
6. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
7. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
8. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
9. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
10. Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?"

The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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-Maaan!!
-Boy...

A boy and his father who lived in a village for many years, not having gone to a city before, went for the first time in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady went up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady went inside between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son... "Go get your mother."

http://www.blogthings.com/hownormalareyouquiz/

I'm 55% normal.