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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender: "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So, I had to jump out of the bedroom window and

hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said: 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bi_tch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head: "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" said the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"

The bartender paled: "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on. "But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches from the ground!!"

But be warned its very hard and very addictive.

http://mcgov.co.uk/riddles/level1.html

Just go to the above web address and away you go. If you get really stuck pm me and I will give you something helpful for the game.

Just one thing please don't list or show the answers on open board others may want to attempt this after you (The request comes from the author)

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

One day 3 women went to the top of a helter skelter at the fairground.
There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.
When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said, "It's your lucky day!, when you're going down the ride shout out the one thing that you want and lo! you will land in it at the bottom".
So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash,
the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgeous men!" and landed in a pile of model men.
The blonde woman wasn't listening to the genie so she went down shouting "Weeeeeee!"

A NEW species of giant rat has been discovered in a remote region of New Guinea by a team of totally freaked-out zoologists.

Here is their report:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/anima...this-****ing-rat'-say-zoologists-20080105608/

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned
by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could
have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and
ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as
he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have
a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he
still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable
man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
Monarch's' proposition to have an answer by year's
end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll
everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even
the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could
give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old
witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout
the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur
had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer
the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot,
the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and
Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was
hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like
sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered
such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her
and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of
the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's
life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch
answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is
to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that
the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's
life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom
and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot,
steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the
bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful
woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
astounded Lancelot asked what had happened .

The beauty replied that since he had been so
kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would
henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time
and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the
day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at
night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would
he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by
night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate
moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make
YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER
to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she
would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her
enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down






The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly !!!

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I
said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull
the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.

She's such a bi_tch...

A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to
thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at
the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to
Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home
from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to
glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first
message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers
here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking
forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!