Do you know who has the highest position in the World? President Barack Obama? NO! UN Secretary General? NO Pope Benedict? NO! Wonder No Longer... 819 Meters is 2687 feet or slightly over one half mile in the air....(0.5089 miles) Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers. Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babu is the crane operator at the world's tallest building — the 819-metre Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home — apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile. When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest. Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he's worth it.
Prigkipesa- Malamas 'h vale kanena pontiako ;)
Like, born in Greece and talking greek for 18 years.
As funny as it may sound, it's a solution. I don't mean monsters in the pc fighting the virus, but something that can deal with it. I don't think it could be an April fools day, 'cause if you do a little search about conficker c you'll see many websites about the virus, including Wikipedia with information about it. We'll see in a couple of days. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=conficker+c+april+fools&aq=f&oq= http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=conficker+c
"We should all know that Amethyst Heart is an epic person, full stop" Suck my balls peoples! Oh and the title means "dog".
It's too big for someone to read it :/
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...
This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference between Male and Female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with LiMiTED bird watching skills.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and once again he whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and also spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. He tells the Lone Ranger, "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow. "So what is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse.... alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says: "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE".
Ok, it's no big deal anyway.
I knew I shouldn't write it.
~edited for content~
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Cow, That must be my husband!' So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband.!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And that folks............is how the fight started. (I forgot to add this one in another thread)
(!!!WARNING!!! BIG THREAD!!!) ☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides. ☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! ☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species. ☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! ☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering. ☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise! ☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my **** and do it quick. ☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school. ☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!! ☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE… ☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams...... ☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too... ☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice? ☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative. ☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an *******… ☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi… ☻Don`t drink water, because fish **** in it! ☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry.............. ☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!! ☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl. ☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message ☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested ☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do." ☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this ☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime? ☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. ☻Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. ☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream! ☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. ☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p. ☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? ☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! ☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs. ☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears... ☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant. ☻What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? ☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him. ☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. ☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore. ☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish. ☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. ☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" ☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! ☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. ☻Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? ☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion. ☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. ☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! ☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already! ☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors ☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up. ☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!! ☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. ☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half. ☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one. ☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. ☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used. ☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle. ☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field. ☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands. ☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran! ☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! ☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A ***** who knows everything. ☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. ☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens. ☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator. ☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An f****ing know it all. ☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. ☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf. ☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese. ☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool... ☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. ☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts. ☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? ☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you. ☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. ☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. ☻ My Reality Check bounced. ☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. ☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer. ☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away! ☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes. ☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny? ☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. ☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back ☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing ☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. ☻What do you call a handcuffed man? - Trustworthy. ☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant ☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? ☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. ☻Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any. 1 ☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.? - E.T. phoned home. ☻What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women. ☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. ☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering ☻How Dogs and Women are alike..... Neither believe that silence is golden. Neither can balance a checkbook. Both put too much value on kissing. ☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. ☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight? ☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores? "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog" ☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one? ☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives. ☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. ☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of. ☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned. ☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one! ☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here" ☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?" ☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" ☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra ☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." ☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. ☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. ☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. ☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message ☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested ☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do." ☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this ☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime? ☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. ☻Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. ☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream! ☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. ☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p. ☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? ☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! ☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs. ☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears... ☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant. ☻What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? ☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him. ☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. ☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore. ☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish. ☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. ☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" ☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! ☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. ☻Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? ☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion. ☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. ☻What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities! ☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! ☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already! ☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One ****ed the miners, the other ****ed the Majors ☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? A: Her IQ goes up. ☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!! ☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. ☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half. ☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German? A man who's too drunk to follow orders. ☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one. ☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. ☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once. ☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle. ☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field. ☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands. ☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran! ☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A ***** who knows everything. ☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. ☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens. ☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator. ☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An ****ing know it all. ☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". ☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. ☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf. ☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese. ☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool... ☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face? A: Bobbing for french fries. ☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia? A: One has a real live culture. ☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag? A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Fanny. Fanny who? Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's There? A midget who cant reach the doorbell. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in! ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry, Butch, and Jimmy. Harry, Butch and Jimmy who? Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive across the road. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mummy. Mummy who? Mummeasles are better so can I come in? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Boo. Boo who? There's no need to cry, it's only a joke. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Madam. Madam who? Madam key broke in the lock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I called by? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mister. Mister who? Mister last bus home. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Ivor. Ivor who? Ivor sore hand from knocking so much. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? York. York who? York coming over to my place tonight? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Isabel. Isabel who? Isabel broken? I had to knock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's cold out here. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aunt you glad Grandma's gone? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked - that's why I knocked. ☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx ☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! ☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo! ☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!! ☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard! ☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network ☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day! ☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. ☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic ☻I'm good at math, U+I=69 ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK ☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's. ☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you... ☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy. ☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? ☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you. ☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed? ☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me. ☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square? ☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw. ☻Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven! ☻Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? ☻Baicarumba...are those real? ☻Be unique and different, just say yes. ☻Can I flirt with you? ☻Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. ☻Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin. ☻Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position. ☻Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open? ☻Greetings and salivations ☻Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house. ☻I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away! ☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list. ☻If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice? ☻Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? ☻That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. ☻Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good. ☻Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated. ☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that cake you just ate. ☻I wonder what our children will look like. ☻I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won't kiss off? ☻If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents. ☻If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town. ☻If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning". ☻It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me? ☻Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy? ☻That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? ☻The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. ☻There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass. ☻There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself. ☻Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body? ☻You're so hot, your ass is on fire. ☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? ☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. ☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled... ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight. ☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second. ☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name. ☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. ☻What time do you have to be back in heaven? ☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? ☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. ☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20. ☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. ☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise! ☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast. ☻Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you. ☻Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes. ☻Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime? ☻Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day. ☻Got two nipples for a dime? ☻Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you. ☻Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on! ☻Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back? ☻I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman. ☻I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you. ☻Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you! ☻You're eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea. ☻You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life! ☻You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. ☻Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged! ☻Do you want to see something swell? ☻Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. ☻Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC! ☻Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? ☻Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street. ☻Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus. ☻I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn". ☻If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head? ☻If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie. ☻Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell. ☻Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts. ☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word. ☻You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room! ☻Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny! ☻Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on? ☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? ☻I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down. ☻I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking? ☻I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you. ☻I'm betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day. ☻Save a horse, ride a cowboy. ☻Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good. ☻When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you. ☻Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? ☻You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I'll do it your way ☻You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. ☻You know the Power company is looking for you coz you're so electrifying. ☻You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet. ☻You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can't stop ya ☻As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! ☻I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? ☻Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you. ☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? ☻Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more? ☻Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? ☻Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number? ☻Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch? ☻Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk. ☻Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room? ☻I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince ☻Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. ☻Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend? ☻For a fat chick, you sure have small tits. ☻Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much. ☻Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink. ☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no. ☻Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right. ☻Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk" ☻Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor ☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart." ☻I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated. ☻I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? ☻I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are! ☻If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?" ☻The only thing that matters is that we're together. ☻I'msorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. . ☻Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off? ☻Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants. ☻I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot. ☻Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here. ☻Say, did we go to different schools together? ☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. ☻There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. ☻Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving." ☻You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'm cute. ☻You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection. ☻Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes? ☻Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers? ☻You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow. ☻Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? ☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. ☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic ☻I'm good at maths, U+I=69 ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK ☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's. ☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you... ☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy. ☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? ☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you. ☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed? ☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me. ☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square? ☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw. ☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? ☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. ☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled... ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight. ☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second. ☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name. ☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. ☻What time do you have to be back in heaven? ☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? ☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. ☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20. ☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. ☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise! ☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast ☻Be unique and different, say yes. ☻Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? ☻Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? ☻Hi. Are you cute? ☻I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little. ☻I'm easy. Are you? ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. ☻So....How am I doin'? ☻Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one? ☻I think about you when I masturbate. ☻Are we related? Do you want to be? ☻Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask. ☻Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. ☻Do you know how to use a whip? ☻Excuse me, do you live around here often? ☻Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. ☻Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose? ☻Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley? ☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no. ☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." ☻I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'... ☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate. ☻I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there. ☻I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler? ☻If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater. ☻Like the look of your crotch. ☻Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? ☻Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have *** in your hair. ☻Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. ☻Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. ☻Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place. ☻Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back. ☻How was Heaven when you left it? ☻You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine. ☻Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of 'edible'. ☻I think I can die happy now, coz I've just seen a piece of heaven. ☻You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good. ☻You should be someone's wife. ☻Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. ☻You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up line. ☻Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. ☻Is your name Gillette? ...coz you're the best a man can get. ☻If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever. ☻It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
Of course it is man, how could I make those threads in such a short time? And the list is big.
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert when they suddenly spotted a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go in whereupon they were greeted by dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay and for a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women. After a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king said that each of them would be severely punished according to their occupation. The king went up the first man and demanded to know his occupation. The first man replied, "I’m a fireman." The king told his army, "Burn off his penis." Then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his penis." Then finally the King asked the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."
A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to "The Star Spangled Banner." Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he finishes the disgusted bartender says, “Why in the hell did you **** on my bar?†The drunk replies, “Even Elvis had to clear his throat!â€
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right-handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left-handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left- or right-handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, "George, every Saturday you say you may be 10 minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf either right-handed or left-handed, and always win. What is up with that?" George replies, "Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left-handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right-handed." "Well," one of the employees questioned, "What happens if she is laying on her back?" George replies, "Then I am 10 minutes late."
