Search Results

No, no, that's not necessary. Now I'm embarrassed, skedaddle out this thread I will. That was nice of you, still. Thanks for caring.

Also, I hope my post convinces others to post...? Namely, a certain someone. /blunt

Edit: but who am I to push someone forth, force them even, onto the podium. To post. It would be an appreciated read, tho... Nvm if she or others don't want to, then perhaps you shouldn't. I am maybe too pushy.

This is all very touching, but I don't need any hugs. Not because of that post, at least. The thing is, people thought me upset and will probably think me upset, but I was more than calm in writing that. Maybe I am being too cold, hm. Thanks, the sentiment is appreciated. But the reasoning behind it has lost me.

Spoiler: spoiler upon spoiler

I regret too, and all I posted was of my personal hygiene. That's nothing. Do I regret, well that truly was nothing. I thought to post another post from another thread from another forum, but deemed it too personal. The thread was: have you ever considered suicide? And I am not suicidal, before a person thinks to ask. No, it was too personal not because it was suicidal, but because I came off as a tad deranged in it, mentally absent, loco. To be honest I think my thoughts perfectly rational, but I think others might think them irrational so, what's the point. None of you will be able to identify, my problems seem of a different kind. I assume, I assume. Worth a shot, however dark. I will post not for others' reading, but for my own, so I can get a sense of satisfaction; feel as if I contributed to this thread.

I've no confessions really, but posting this makes me uncomfortable: my thoughts unedited, unfiltered, candid as could be. Posting any post from that forum in particular would have me uncomfy, given the subject matter, and I am more myself there than here. And if I want to contribute, vomit some confessions, surely posting what makes me uncomfy is a start.

Spoiler: a safe skip over

I dare myself with these thoughts, but it is usually nothing very serious. It is not depressive in its nature. What happens when I die? How could I commit the deed unheeded? Curiosity, curiosity. It is something like how I deal with heights. Heights frighten me, they pull me towards the edge; I am afraid that, I could be momentarily reduced to a more primitive mindset. Momentarily blinded, pursuing the impulse. In that fast moment I could have jumped the summit, plummeting to my death. Suicidal thoughts are like that, for me. Mistrustful of myself, give me a gun and I might blow my head off for no other reason than because I can. These are curious thoughts, what-if scenarios. The adrenaline-pursuer in me is wont to kill me, and I am not wont to listen to the maniac.

otoh were these thoughts depressive in their nature, I doubt I could pull the trigger. 's different: pulling the trigger whilst absent of thought, and contemplating pulling the trigger, considering suicide. Very different indeed. I imagine I could not, too cowardly a person to purposely kill myself. But suicidal thoughts are not below me.

Now, something interesting. What-if scenarios. What if I was wont to purposely kill myself, how would I do the deed. I've thought of this. And I think, the manner in which I might do away with myself is different than yours. A bullet to the head, a deep drop, a noose, sleeping pills & alcohol. The chance of failure for those is too high, and the mind-set it would require of me too purposeful. Starvation might suit me, tho. Perhaps the pains are greatly underexaggerated in my imagings, I impatiently skip to the finale, in which my eyes begin to droop and I am lulled off to my death; I could die by remaining impassive, unchoosing, I pull nothing. I could just lay to my death, so much simpler. In reality it couldn't be so perfect, tho could it. A hefty price to pay for my impassivity, inevitable pangs of pain. I would think, however, that were I truly wont to die - were I truly wont to not have to choose, the hungers could be ignored.

I have starved myself in the past years ago, but not for the reasons you might think. I'd nigh choked several times, causing me to fear foods. Of choking, and thus of the involved process: eating. So I stopped eating, for some nondescript days I can't recall. My mother had to bring me to the hospital, or so she says, so they could force-feed me. These periods of starvation I can't recall, it was implied I starved myself for more than a few days... or, enough days. Enough so that my body weight was very verily diminished...

note: downside to self-starving: an impossibility unless you live alone, well away from those that care about your wellbeing

the point - if I did it as a child, I could do it again couldn't I.
Isn't it a good thing I am not wont to kill myself!
Tickin' time bomb.

*insert failed attempts at distracting from the above text, too revealing maybe*

I would be lying if I said that in posting this, I'd no intentions of aiding Jayn's inevitable posting along. I wink.

I regret. These sorts of posts are too open, I know the lot of you will be disgusted by my professed lack of hygiene. I would delete but, what good would it do, people have seen. And why, deleting because of embarrassment over hygiene? So stupid, I could say much more embarrassing things. I've a feeling the mean comment that was held up would have been directed to me, who else. Hm. Don't regret over your opening up, a little venting in vehemence never did no one no harm.

But I've no advice to give, since I am probably one of your problems.

Are you as bad as me? *challenge*

This is ok, I'm the same. I did not even use soap or deodorant until a few days ago so, you are not alone. Now I use soap and deodorant (how prissy she is becoming!) but shower every few days. I think my next shower should be scheduled for tomorrow, it has been three or four days. Until recently, also, I used shampoo/conditioner but did not bother with thoroughly washing it out; so it would become greasy, weighted down. On schooldays I don't bother to comb my hair, you would think peer pressure would have me near the thing but no, I am tired on schooldays and so put even less effort into my appearance. Peer pressure apparently means little to me.

I should say, I am getting better in regards to personal hygiene.
I have been using soap since two or three showers ago! Hallelujah!

You don't order me around, froggy. Just hop off, why don't you, go and croak.
...in all seriousness, 'tis a good theme and I can see it. But I'd have liked to pick my own, not steal the pickings of another.

Try? I was looking forward to your theme. And take your time, mine took much thinking...

Practice going out in public with this on. I guarantee that, if you can grow accustomed to going out with that on, clothes will be the least of your worries. Overcome embarrassment by doing embarrassing such things, so to speak. Dilute the feeling, deconstruct it, dominate it. Good luck.

I thought we were to send Saxima our messages. I suppose she showed too much concern for us, privileging us with privacy, allowing us to opt out of identification; no one has shown much interest in their anonymity. Just a thought.

But this works too.

Username: Lilith (LARiA)
Cereal: Puffins
Facts: I am not a penguin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Vh7RNQd4s

Spoiler

I am wondering, and am I the only one? Wondering how the next movie will cover up the first's mistake, that scene in which Seneca Crane is locked in a room with no escape, forced to eat the berries. They changed the method of his execution: in the novel he was hanged. This might seem a minor change, but it affects Katniss' trial prior to the second hunger games; in which she hangs a Crane ragdoll, implying that he was indeed hanged. Now, since the movies had him killed off by the berries, they will be unable to pull off that scene. There are two possibilities

a) They will change her actions, she won't hang but kill the doll via other means
b) They will have her hang the dummy all the same, and chock it up to her not knowing how Crane was executioned

And b) is a possibility, she perhaps didn't know in the novel either, assumed he was hanged maybe. It will be interesting to see how they cover up their fuck-up, having taken liberties with the book.

I assume I'm the first to notice this. But perhaps I am thinking myself too self-important in thinking that.

---------- I'll find something else later. c: ---------- I look forward to your posting a theme. No pressure, I might say, but what a lie that...

I'd like to revoke the last two themes: the first I would have liked for a theme, but in truth was forced; the second was mellow enough, but too shallow, a tunnel vision. Here is something of substance. It's a definite end.

[video=youtube;TGunrA7sfV8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGunrA7sfV8[/video]

What is "normal"?

I wish to not be ignored, I guess. Or if I am going to be ignored, I would rather my threads be fully ignored and neither clicked nor viewed, and certainly not later copied. The monkeys' doings. It can make a person snap: when another person shares thoughts suspiciously like theirs, and this person is paid heed; while you're not. Paid any heed. Maybe my threads are paid no heed because I can come off as awkward, my apparent awkwardness does not slip past the radar. I'm well aware. A bit fruitless going over this, as the thread has been saved already. The threading was not pointless I see. Mish, bless her soul.

...you listen to some interesting music. Sensual Sforzato~

Resemblance is uncanny!

I've not a friend on this site, least of all a gobsmacking eight. She thereby has all right to bypass the rules, picking of her own agenda.

Steals your food: Saxima
Betrays you, and you kill them: Vientiesis
The Career: Teddy
Your Mentor: Sforzato
The one who is killed by nature: Jayn
The one you form an alliance with: P
The one you have to kill: Makaze

Jayn seems a tad off, eh. Maybe not, trying to rationalise the ill-fitted position... well, she would be too kind to kill a soul, I bet. And nature is a cruel thing. Also, I couldn't not have Jayn in there, had to squeeze her in somehow. Also, also. The sixth spot was a grueling choice, you've no idea. A tie between P and Ashwin, such an impossible pick. P, in the end. He is hardly trustworthy, but I'm not sure I'd like him a foe...

Hell is other people, or so I've heard.

I will have liked to apply that quote to this scenario but, as an afterthought, it doesn't apply to you. You do not seem quite so desperate so as to merit its application, fearful you are. But far from cynical, as I see it. Could be worse. Or are you omitting something?There's nothing to say that's not been said already, the general advice, the obvious: exposure to what ails you, a body if exposed to a virus under incremental amounts develops immunity. 'Tis the same mentally as it is physically. We can do naught else really, not a hint of particularly insightful advice to give given the vaguery. Well, here's a Q for you. Who are the few you trust? The very few.

I would offer myself an e-buddy, but really, I'm far from sociable myself. I would not make for a decent acquaintance. Finding some e-pals, a nice idea for starters. Snap, snap. Accalia! If I recall, she suffers of similar such things (tho perhaps to a lesser extent, you are anxiety-riddled enough creating an introductory thread alone, whereas she has pages of vms in progress)... you two have some in common, at least. It's a start.

I can only hope she doesn't mind my broadcasting her channel for the world's viewing. Calls of attention, hardly what an avoidant needs.