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Great story, dude! I also love the title, a part in which I SUCK!:D

Interesting story, good use of paragraphs,
and I didn't see any noticeable spelling errors, good job!

Okay, from this chapter on, the keylines (important lines or words) will be lined.
Now, here's chapter 3, and for heavens sake, please comment, just critisize/correct me.


chapter 03:
Traverse Town; a deserted city



The Gummi Ship slowly drifted through space. I looked at the picture mother gave me. It was funny seeing myself together with both mom and dad, but also it was... a bit sad...

''You miss them, don't you?'' said Sarah. ''I can see it in your eyes that you want to be united with both your father and mother.'' she took a seat right next to me. ''Y-yeah..'' I said, while stuttering. ''I lost my parents, too. A long time ago.'' she said.

''I lost my parents 5 years ago due to a horrific group dressed in black coats, who called themselves 'Organization XII'. My parents, along with others of the town where turned in some kind of creepy, white creatures. I fled into an alley, but it was blocked by some kind of barrier. When I looked behind me, I saw one of the men in black walked up to me. He did off his cloak, and I could finally see a clear face. His blue eyes shined like sapphires in the moonlight. He had long, pink hair, and a freaky grin on his face. 'Where are mommy and daddy?' I cried. The pink haired guy could only laugh in himself, and said: 'In a safe place...' He took my arm, but I stepped on his toes, and run away.''

''What happened then?'' I asked. ''How did you get away?'' Sarah went further:

''I arrived at a square, and the white creatures closed me in from all alleyways. The things approached me with weird, dancing movements. I was surrounded. ´There´s nowhere to go, give up.´ that creep said, while an aura of flowers surrounded him. He lifted his hand up in the air, and a mighty scythe appeared in it. The mouths of the weird creatures zipped open, and they went for the attack. Suddenly, a ships engine sounded and the creatures fled. It was this ship that saved me there.''

''So that´s your story...'' I said to her. She looked outside of the window and said: ''We've arrived.'' When the four of us stepped out of the Gummi Ship, it looked like a hurricane came through. We traveled through the town, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin touch the ground. Devon heard a strange blob-like sound coming out of an alley. ''Hey guys, I think I heard something. Follow me!'' he said. The alley ended into a square, from which Devon heard the strange sound. It was quiet again, but suddenly Leon was being thrown through a wall right next to us. Another Heartless appeared. Its body was covered in a dirty, slimy substance. It had two long, heaving eyes on his head. It spewed green acid at us, which was easy to avoid, but if we inhaled it, it'd closed off our lunges to choke us. Leon got up and jumped out of the way, and shot a fireball out of his gunblade. It burned a hole in his body, and the Heartless melted away. ''What was that thing?'' I said. But Leon didn't answer. He told us to follow him to Gizmo Shop. Merlin was there. ''Who's that guy?'' I questioned. ''Merlin the Wizard,'' Sarah answered. ''He tutored me in magic.''

Now that I knew the tutor of Sarah, I felt like I could ask him if maybe he could teach me to control the fire spell I used in my house, but I knew this wasn't the right time. Merlin said:
''The machine we recently build in the Gizmo Shop has gone crazy! It was used to create defense mechanisms, but something has gone wrong. The mechanisms went Heartless, and changed into some kind of ugly blue blobs!''
''I'll work on it.'' said Cid, and took seat in front of the computer. ''Leon, Damien, go scout the city and clear it from those Heartless.'' So we went outside, when Devon, Sarah, Cid and Merlin stayed inside to look after the machine. I took a few steps, and the same creature immediately raised up again. But Leon was prepared this time. He shot a great fireball at it again which burned him down. ''Let's go! I have a feeling I know where the leader is!'' he said.

Meanwhile, in the Gizmo Shop, Cid was 'operating' the machine to check for viruses. Suddenly, a Heartless image appeared on the screen. A freaky laugh sounded, and the teleport system next to the computer, which was used to summon the mechanisms; called more of those weird blobs forth. ''Oh, if only Leon and that other guy are doing okay outside.'' Merlin thought.

Leon and I arrived in the sewers. ''Ugh. It smells even more than it normally does.'' Leon said. ''Probably because of the Heartless.'' I told him. He turned around, and looked at me. ''So you're the new KeyBlade wielder...'' he told me that he met a young boy like him named 'Sora'. He was still so young... but I misjudged him.'' he told me.

In the Gizmo Shop, Devon and Sarah tried to defend themselves from the non-stop attack. ''How do we stop it! How do we stop it!'' Devon repeated in panic. ''I've had it with this thing.'' Merlin said. He raised his magic staff in the air and said: ''shazam!'' a great bolt of lightning struck the machine, and it shattered in a thousand pieces. The teleporting device stopped, and Sarah finally destroyed the last one of those Heartless.

Back in the sewers, I heard growling from out of the sewage. I took a look, and a disgusting Heartless came out of the water, even uglier than the other ones. He had a electrical device on its head, it looked like it was a small sample from the machinery in the Gizmo Shop. ''That's the leader, I knew it.'' Leon said. It started to spit toxic from the craters in its body. ''Watch out! Don't inhale!'' I yelled. We kept dodging the toxic it fired, looking for a open spot to attack. '

''Wait, if the others where weak against fire, maybe this one is too...'' I thought.

''Leon! Shoot at it!'' I screamed. He did, but the fireballs didn't came through the Heartless's thick, slimy body. However, Leon noticed that the device on its head started to glow every time the Heartless was touched. ''Go for the machinery on its head!'' Leon said, and shot another fireball, but the Heartless kept blocking the device. ''Damn it, I can't reach it!'' he said. ''Try to distract it!'' At first, I didn't knew how, but I got an idea; I jumped in the water, and grabbed the Heartless.

It turned around, leaving the device open for attack. ''Now, Leon! Full power!'' I shouted. Leon's gunblade grew, and it lit up. He raised the gunblade. ''Firaga!'' he said, and a giant ball of fire hits the device. The Heartless was stunned by pain for a second, so I could climb up to the machinery. I raised the KeyBlade, and with a proud swing, I smashed the device to smithereens. The creature, along with the rest of the Heartless in Traverse Town; lit up, and fell apart. I walked up to Leon, and said: ''Well, I think we pulled of fine style of teamwork!''
''Heh!'' he grinned, and raised his thumb. ''Lets get back to the shop, Damien.''

When we got back at the Gizmo Shop, things had gotten... eehr... changed. Devon, Cid, Sarah and Merlin where cleaning up the mess the bolt of lightning created. ''Why, I think I kinda exaggerated when eehr... 'shutting down' the computer!'' Merlin said, while stretching his back. ''Ye' sure did, oldie!'' yelled Cid.

''Hey, Leon...'' I said, while looking at him. ''What do you know about that boy named 'Sora'? Leon closed his eyes. ''Hmm... Maybe the King would know more.'' he said. Leon told me that he lived in Disney Castle. ''I can get ye' there.'' Cid told me. ''Wait,'' I said. ''Merlin, could you... teach me what you know about magic?'' I said, with a smile on my face. Merlin laughed, and said: ''Well, Sarah has been a good student of mine. Sarah, why don't you go with Damien to teach him what you know?''

''*sigh*... yes, Merlin.'' Sarah said while looking at me from over her shoulder.

''B-but, Merlin...'' I dissapointedly stuttered. Devon grabbed my shoulder, and pushed me out of the Gizmo Shop. While we where underway to our Gummi Ship, Leon helped Merlin cleaning up, muttering: ''Sora... What happened to you?''

''Buckle up, people!'' said Cid.

Next stop: Disney Castle..

_______________________________________________________

C'mon guys, tell me what you think?

When I recieve a compliment like, man, you're good at that,
I always say: 'yep, I know!' no need to be shy!

I got 3 favourites:

Kingdom Key; for the oldskool Kingdom Hearts feeling.
Monochrome; for the brutal look.
GullWing; For the efficience in training.

It means I just couldn't stop reading!

That was cool, worth reading!

Name: Cymon

Age: 16

Discription: Brown, spikey hair, blue eyes, white T-shirt and blue jeans.
His eyes are lit up yellow when angered, and has sharp claws on his fingers.

Bio: After being locked up in the dark realm for years, he finally managed to escape,
and seeked revenge on the one that locked him up. only thing was, he lost his memory
and forget all about him. Before the 4 years he was captured, he traveled the path of light.
But the darkness has gotten into him. Now, his only passion is to see people cry.
Because he didn't had any friends in the past, Cymon is one of the persons who don't like to
be part of a team. He's more of a loner, and doesn't let anyone boss him around.

Weapon: Normally, the long, sharp claws on his hands are his most feared weapons.
But when angered, his eyes light up, and he powers up, and the slices he produces
are more, and more deadly.

I'm really excited about who will win the tournament!
Please finish the story!

Hey dude, I wanna be Donald!

Oooh, I thougth you said: sor anus...
Excuse me for being a pervert:D

This is a good story, but it does has some mistakes in grammar.
But overall, it was fun to read, and i was actually clustered by the story!

Okay, here is chapter 02.
Some members who have read chapter 01 said that I had to make some more paragraphs, so I tried and this is what its become:
(by the way, I loved how I managed to bond Damien with his mother:D)

Chapter 02:
''your journey's about to start.''

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

''Say, what's your name, kid?'' the male warrior said. ''I'm Damien.'' I said. ''Damien, huh? Nice to meet the new KeyBlade's chosen one. I'm Devon.'' The mage walked towards me. She did her cloak of. ''What the hell!'' I said shocked. ''You're a... girl?'' I hadn't seen a girl so far with this much knowledge of magic, while still on the outside, she was still your ordinary girl, blond hair, blue eyes, etc. ''Is it weird?'' she said. ''N-no...'' I answered. ''I just, didn't knew with the cloak on...'' I kinda blushed with the answer.

''This is Sarah, she's always bossing us around. It's a drag.'' said Devon. Devon handed over a card so I could contact them whenever I liked, he said. When I looked at the Gummi Ship, I saw Cid crawling out. He turned around and muttered: ''Aw, my poor baby, wrecked.'' I tried to comfort him. ''It's okay... *sniff* So, I see you got an invitation from Devon, eh?''
''Well, yeah. He said something about me joining the group. At least, that's what I've understood.'' I said, while raising my shoulders. ''Fine with me,'' Cid answered. ''This sure is no place for Heartless.'' he said. ''And because you wield the KeyBlade, they keep on coming without a stop.'' Sarah went further. I sure wanted to know more, but I looked at the schooltower's clock, which was still at the end of first brake, because of the battle. ''We got it, if you want to leave, just give us a call and we'll be picking you up.'' Devon winks. After school, when I arrived at home, there was nobody there. I kept knocking on the door, but nobody opened. ''strange...'' I thought. ''Wasn't she going to the post office tomorrow?'' I decided to wait a while. After about 5 minutes later, I heard a glass fall, and I heard her scream:

''Aaaah! Help!''

''mom!'' I shouted. I broke the door open, and she was held hostage by Soldiers. I took out the KeyBlade, and the Soldiers leaped at me immediately. There sure where a lot of them, so I had to stay focused, but while I was defending myself and mother, I looked at her, her eyes where covered in tears like she was thinking: ''No, not again...''. I didn't saw what I was doing, and the Heartless jumped on me. I lost my cool, and pushed them off of me with the palm of my hand. I stood up, and the Soldiers jumped in the air to counter with a kick. ''fire!'' I demanded. A great circle of fire surrounded me. It went greater and greater. The heartless tried to escape, but they had nowhere to go. They all burned and vanished in the fire. The Soldiers where gone, and I walked up to mother, and I said: ''It's okay now, they're gone.'' but mother only stared open eyed at the KeyBlade I was holding. ''Mom... are you okay?'' I said.

''Y-yeah, I'm fine. It's just... Damien, please sit down. There is something I want to tell you.'' she stuttered.

''What is it, mom?'' I said, with my heart in my throat. ''That key o...'' my mother started, but I interrupted her. ''I don't know why I received it, or why I am involv...'' I screamed, but mother interrupted me again: ''I know, your dad was a KeyBlade wielder, too.''

''You know about the KeyBlade?'' I said. ''Tell me more!'' Mother seemed a bit sad and closed her eyes, and said:

''Long ago, before you where born, your dad and I used to have quarrels about things. Most times we just argued and yelled at each other, but one day, things started to get out of hand. When we where eating dinner one day, your father suddenly became so mad that he threw his drink off the table and just walked out of the door, and didn't return that night. Hours past, and I was so worried about him, that I went out looking for him. Suddenly, those creatures that attacked me a few minutes ago appeared out of a dark gateway. I was screaming for help. They where about to take me somewhere, but just then, your dad walked out of the shadows. He carried a key with him, just like the one you're carrying. He defeated them with ease, and then, he told me what he had experienced. He told me that he'd been in some sanctuary, where he was surrounded by Heartless.''

''Then why do I have a KeyBlade, as well?'' I stuttered, trying to keep myself strong.

Mother told me that she had expected it. ''When you where born, I could just see you had your father's blood. You where probably to young to remember it. When you where at the age of 5, your dad told me that he was going on a journey, and he asked me to take good care of you, Damien. A few weeks later, he was about to take off. You where crying when father leaved, you even wanted to go with him.''

I was frozen in my chair. I couldn't believe father just ditched us. I had a feeling of anger, but also a feeling of sadness in my heart. ''You want to see him again, don't you?'' mother said. ''Well... I...''. I wasn't sure what to say. ''I have the feeling that he isn't dead... I just know he isn't dead.'' I said.
''I see...'' mother said. She told me that father told her the exact same thing when he wanted to leave, to search for something. That it was my fate to leave on a journey to find him again. ''My... fate?'' I said, and suddenly I couldn't fight my anger anymore. ''Why haven't you told me before!'' I yelled. ''I didn't... knew how.'' she told me, on a sad tone.
''I was thinking of a way to tell you, but every time I wanted to, I just couldn't.'' I was shocked to find out that, all this time; this was actually supposed to happen. Mother went further. ''Now, the time has come, and you're still so young... I had to tell you before. But now it's to late.''

''your journey's about to start.'' she said.

She started crying again, she knew the time had come to let me go. She went slowly upstairs. I didn't move, however. I couldn't. I was thinking:
''What am I supposed to do? I haven't seen my father in ages, but I don't want to leave mother alone. Father just left us behind, but I missed him so much all the time... And it looks like mother is really sad that now when father's gone, I have to leave, too.''
I didn't knew which to choose: leave home to find father, or stay here and stay with mother? Then I remembered the words that the KeyBlade told me, that I didn't have to fear, and that my friends are always with me. Confidently, I told my mother that I was leaving the planet. ''I understand,'' she said. ''I will miss you...''

That evening, I remembered Devon giving me a card so I could beep the Gummi Ship whenever I got the urge to, so I did. About a half our later, it landed right in the pond in our backyard. Cid stuck his head out of the window. ''All aboard!'' I was about to step inside, but at the moment, mother stopped me, and said: ''Here, keep it with you. Remember, I am always here in this spot.'' And she pointed towards my chest. She gave me a picture of a 3 year old me, with mom and dad smiling.

A tear rolled down from my eye, I was looking for a way to thank mother. But when I was thinking of a way, mother gave me one last hug. ''Take care.'' she said. ''I will...'' I nodded, and I stepped inside the Gummi Ship. It took off. ''good to have you on board, kid.'' Devon said. ''Yeah...'' I answered. I looked out of the window, and I saw mother waving at me from down the garden. When we approached space, I looked out of the window again, and I saw planet earth getting smaller and smaller...
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

To be continued...

Good story, but the blue lines are a bit hard to read.
But still, it's very interesting.

Sounds cool, sign me up:D

Name:: Zed
Age:: 14
Description:: brown hair, blue eyes, insane, but also the joker of the team.
Hearts Hatred
Male or Female:: male
*Weapon:: No actual weapon, I wanna manipulate storm:P
*Weapon's Name:: (no weapon's name) balls of black lightning

Thank you!

This is a story which is fun reading! I really liked it!
What I liked most is that each character really has sort of his own personality.
Great job, keep up.

Amazing. Really great, I liked the story very much.
And good use of pragraphs, and grammar:D
Can you critisize my fic as well?

Okay, here is Chapter 01, I did my very on best on this to give it a reasonable length:




Beloved memories

Chapter 01:
an obscure battle



I sat behind my desk, thinking. Thinking of a way in order to find my father. ''Damien, honey, breakfast's ready.'' my mother said from down the stairs. So I put on some clothes, and went downstairs to eat. We tried to hold the atmosphere, but it didn't work, again. I was thinking of a way to start a conversation, to fight the pressure so I asked mother what time it was, of course, I also knew that myself. ''...Mom, can you tell me what time it is?...'' I asked. ''Almost time for school...'' she answered, and she started... crying. She left the dining table. ''...damn it...'' I thought. Why did this all happen in the first place? I finished my breakfast, and looked at the clock. It was 07:30. AM, time for school.

When I arrived at school, I felt something strange. I didn't knew what, but I did felt something coming nearer and nearer. Like it... approached me. Mathematics was starting, and I didn't knew what to do because the subject always bugged me. We had to do a test. The clocked ticked forth, only slower and slower. After the test, I got a D-. I was being bullied again in the break by Victor. Victor was one class above me, he grabbed my backpack, and threw it in the teachers office. I went to go get it, but right at that moment when I was inside the office, the principal showed up. He ordered me to stay after school, and Victor laughed at me afterwards. I went outside, and I got inside some nasty headache. I had that feeling I had when school started. But it felt like it's awfully nearby, on the school grounds.

Time halted. ''What the...'' I said in myself. Everything stopped. People stopped walking, cars stopped riding, even the birds who where flying suddenly stopped in the air. Suddenly, Shadows raised up above the ground, the same creatures as in the sanctuary. He looked at his hand, and a strange key appeared. ''huh?'' I was shocked. Me and the strange device 'worked' together, like we shared our minds. One of the Heartless went for the attack, but the key moved on its own, and it sliced right through the creature. Many repeats followed, until I got the hang of it, so I could take over. With a heroic jump, I ran towards them, and hacked an sliced my way through. Eventually, I was surrounded by 5 Shadows. I didn't knew which one to attack, but a voice told me not to panic, and wait until the Heartless jumped towards me. They went for the jump on me, but the key began to glow, and a huge shockwave occurred, and a dozen Shadows where suddenly cleared. ''Wow...'' I said. Suddenly, the sky changed black and more of those creatures appeared, only these where the larger NeoShadows. ''No problem!''' I thought.

Only thing was, these guys where kinda tougher. It dodged out of the way and jumped on me. It's razor-sharp claws got deep inside my arms. ''Aaaah!'' I shouted in pain. I tried to kick him off, but I couldn't hit him. It was about to sacrifice itself to get the darkness in himself move via its claws, which where planted inside me; into me. Right on the moment I gave up hope, the key strengthened me to defend myself once again. My eyes lightened up, and a huge explosion took place at the school grounds. Like a jet blast, where all of the heartless, Shadows, and NeoShadows, struck by the gigantic light wave. I looked around, and I was shocked that the environment, the people, the cars, everything was unaffected. The Heartless stopped attacking, but the sky remained dark, which was weird, because it was 10:14 AM. It was quiet, and I felt like my heart stopped, what will happen next? I heard some kind of 'growling' sound out of the sky. A huge black thing glided out of the sky. It had large tentacles on its head, and an empty space through its belly shaped like a heart. ''Wow! What is that thing!'' I said. It ruthlessly attacked me, by swinging its fist at me. I managed to dodge it, and jumped on its arm, but the creature moved its paw on the arm I was running on, and I fell off. I slammed on the hard, stone roof of the school. I was stunned and when I opened my eyes, I saw a giant black hand grab me. The thing held me in the left hand, and was about to crush with the other one. But in one quick motion, the key pointed to the giant hand, and stabbed it. Some kind of black, slippery stuff syringed out of the creatures hand. It became enraged, and dozens of Shadows emerged out of the sky. ''I... can't take them on all, this is the end...'' I thought.

All of a sudden, I felt a gust of wind behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and I saw some sort of gate of light appear. A ship flew out of the gate, not a very big one, but it sure was powerful. The airship opened its laser-guns, and cleared all of the Shadows, and distracted the giant Heartless. Two strange people jumped out of the ship, besides me. ''Why are you involved in this mess, kid?'' one of them said. ''I don't know!'' I said. ''They attacked me!'' The giant Heartless slammed his fist towards them. ''Reflega!'' The other one said. Some kind of shield surrounded the three, from which the enraged creature couldn't slam his way through. ''I... can't... hold him off... much longer!'' the mage said, while blocking the powerful punches with the shield, and then she said: ''Call the Gummi Ship! We need to be at distance when fighting him!'' the guy grabbed some sort of device out of his pocket, and called the pilot. The barrier was about to break, when the ship appearing behind me earlier landed behind us. With an enormous swing, the Heartless smashed through the barrier. We quickly withdrawn inside the ship, and flew at distance. ''Cid, are you ready?'' the mage asked. ''locked and loaded!'' he said. I still didn't knew what all this was about, so I asked the guy who asked me why I was involved in all this. ''We got signs of Heartless activity on earth,'' he said. ''and what a Heartless this is.'' the ship lets loose its whole arsenal, but without a result. ''We can't kill it!'' said Cid.

''I think I know how to fight it;'' I said, and I grabbed the key. ''Th- the KeyBlade!'' stuttered Cid. ''Then he must be the KeyBlade's new chosen one!'' I ran towards Cid to ask him where the ship's engine was. I walked towards it, and I shouted towards the cockpit: ''reload!'' my 'KeyBlade' began to glow, and when I touched the engine, it began to work more brutally. ''Now! Fire!'' I shouted. The ship lets loose its arsenal once again. But this time, with success. The Heartless felt at his chest. His hand became stained in black liquid. ''It's working!'' the mage said. ''He's bleeding!'' the other guy laughs relieved. The giant Heartless tries to grab the Gummi Ship, but it is too fast. The ship flew in circles around the Heartless. ''Cid! Watch out!'' I said, but it was too late. We where flying right towards it. The giant Heartless grabs the Gummi Ship, and slowly crushes it. ''If I could get on it's arm...'' I thought. I opened one of the side windows, and crawled out of it and grabbed one of his fingers. When on his arm, the Heartless wasn't paying attention at me, so I kept running. The Heartless finally felt something, and tried to shake me off, but this time, I stabbed the KeyBlade inside his arm to hold on to him. Because of the impact of the KeyBlade, the Heartless was stunned, and lets loose of the Gummi Ship. I ran towards his head. ''Come on, kid! You're almost there!'' shouted Cid from out of the ship. The tentacles on his head attacked me, and it grabbed me. The KeyBlade moved on its own again and sliced through it, so I could continue. I jumped on top of its head, and stabbed its vital spot with the KeyBlade. ''Ouch, that's gotta hurt!'' the other guy said. The giant Heartless bowed down on its knees, and growled for the last time. He closed his eyes, and hits the ground.

''unbelievable...'' the mage said. I sat before the monstrous Heartless. ''I... I defeated it!'' I said, when I crawled away from the Heartless. I looked at the KeyBlade. It disappeared, but I knew it was still with me. ''Can you feel it's presence?'' said the mage. ''somehow... yeah.'' I answered. I could hear a voice speak to me. I knew it was the KeyBlade. It said:

''How great the danger may be what lies ahead of you, I am always here.
I will always protect you, and you will always protect me.
So go ahead. Your story starts here. Don't be afraid, your friends are always with you.''

I looked at the sky, which finally became normally again. Everything came to life again, like if nothing happened, like it was just your ordinary school day.