But what about me? I can't see past this no matter how many times people say it will get better. This hurts so much more than any physical pain.
Beatrice looked at the ground. "Well... I was talking to him, like I always do, but this time... I heard him talk back to me. I think all this adventure has gotten to my head."
I promised myself I would do it when I turned 13. It's been TWO YEARS since then. Isn't it about time I fill that promise?
"Well, I went to see him earlier and...." Beatrice hesiated. OOC: color change!!
I write from my heart. Sadly, the words are true feelings that I've had for a long time. Seeing my sister happy with her boyfriend sends a stabbing pain in me. I can't even think about any of my far away friends without crying.
I've only told my friends about the first problem. I kinda started to figure out that I was Bi in fourth grade. Of course, I didn't really understand what I was feeling then. I'm more worried about what my dad will say than my mom. He's the one who's religious about that kind of stuff. He doesn't say too much because he knows it bothers me, but I have a feeling he won't take too kindly to my little secret.
Beatrice lowered her eyes. "Maybe you're right. About Sorin...."
I can't feel anything at all anymore I can't stop the empty feeling The hole in me The pleading for a home Home is where the heart is right? Then why is my home so far away? I want to be able to hold my friends again I want to be able to tell them my problems face to face I can't do this anymore I can't go on living this lie Why should I? Who would miss me? Who would care if I was gone? I just want to FEEL SOMETHING ANYTHING Pain is all I feel now Self-inflicted pain And it feels good to me because it's something to FEEL It makes me wonder what else life can give me My dreams? They've been dead for a LONG TIME Maybe it's time I've joined them Yeah... I'm a bit depressed.... Just a quick poem to let a bit of it out.
"What do you mean I've 'shown signs'?" Beatrice gave Jinx a confused look.
"But vampires can't-" Beatrice cut herself off, remembering Hannah. "Well, I thought the couldn't love."
Beatrice shuddered at the thought. "Either me or my family would wind up dead." She answered quietly.
Simply amazing. =') I can kind of relate to that poem with what's going on my life now. You're words hit me where most poems can't reach. Job well done.
"I do want to be with them," Beatrice said quickly. "But now... now that I'm this.... I don't know if I can....."
"So you're saying I shouldn't go back?" Beatrice questioned.
There are a lot of problems that I have in my life, but I'm only going to ask for help on two. 1) I want to tell my parents that I'm Bi, but I have no clue how to. I tried talking to my mom about it a year or so ago but she said that no one knows who they are until they're at least 21. Now, I didn't really 'come out of the closet' at that point, that was just her answer to the question 'what would your reaction be if one of your kids was gay or lesbian or bi?' My dad doesn't exactly think kindly of us rainbow proud people, so I'm really nervous to tell him. I wanted to come out on my 16th birthday (which is this year) but I've changed my mind because of what my mom had said to me. I don't know if I should tell them at all. Even if I do, they won't take it seriously unless I come home with a girl. And I only want to do that as an absolute last resort. 2) I think I may be losing it. I really want to just jump off a cliff right now. I can't see how anything in my life is going to get better. I recently moved to Utah from California. San Jose is all I've ever known. My two best friends are there (one for 11 years and one for 9). I feel so alone here. To make the easiest connection to relate to for those of you who don't understand how I'm feeling, I feel like Bella did when Edward left her. Sure, there are times when I can cover up my sadness, forget the lonliness for a moment, but it all comes back when I'm lying in bed at the end of the day. I don't think I'll ever be able to feel whole again....
Beatrice shook her head. "That could work to my advantage," She thought aloud. "I really don't want to marry someone I've never seen before."
Beatrice sighed. "Haven't you heard of an arranged marriage? My family is poor, his is rich. It's supposed to make things better."
"Yes, it is odd." Hannah eyed Edward. "I don't see how I'll be able to help."
Hannah cringed. "Okay, let's do it."
"Don't." Hannah said suddenly. "Please, if it has those risks, I don't want you to."
