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I DO NOT MEAN BUSINESS. I MEAN PURPLE.

Every time my friend defends Nikki Minaj's music on the basis that it's "infectious," I remind her that chlamydia is also infectious.

I was skeptical too, but it's actually quite fun, though I will admit that the writing sometimes approaches fanfic quality.

I'm gonna get in on this too and post all of mine:

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Contribution: I've been seeing someone, but worry that someday she'll see me and I'll have to stop.

Don't you know that Fork's word is law?

Big hammers

Same. In my experience, there are only two possible outcomes to flirting and they both involve me being perceived as a creep by everyone involved, including me. No thank you.

How the hell do people even flirt with texting? My text message conversations are always purely functional. For example:

Friend: Hey.
Me: Hi, what's up?
Friend: Not much, I'm just [yadayadayada] and that's why there's a live chicken in my refrigerator. How about you?
Me: Same. I've been meaning to get in touch but [yadayadayada] anyway, I finally got around to starting One Piece from the beginning.
Friend: Oh, awesome. Hey, do you want to get together sometime soon?
Me: Sure, where and when?
[details are discussed]
Me: Great! Text me when you're on your way.
Friend: I will.

Maybe I'm just boring.

Your father sounds like the polar opposite of James Joyce. xD

What kind of restaurants are you eating at? In my experience, TV dinners are usually disgusting.

Do you know the meaning of "impossible?"

I was expecting a selfie.

Thank you for not posting a selfie.

On the contrary, it's good that you laughed at this because that's what I was going for.

Last year's Superbowl had a mini-Seinfeld episode and Netflix is ordering a Full House reunion series? If Fresh Prince gets a reunion, my top three sitcoms of all time will finally have survived to the modern age.

And also I wanna see a George Lopez spin-off featuring Carmen as the main character pls.

My point exactly.