Search Results

This is a super-random humor fic that I started writing a little while ago about Zexion's oh-so-wonderful trip to visit his family. It's hyper...and very, very random. But if you like that, I'm sure you'll enjoy it! It's inspired by a family reunion that I just returned from, and some of the characters have similar names and personalities to my family and close friends. So look out, you might find a bit of yourself in here!

This was originally posted on Fanfiction.net, as well as Convinced Rulers. (Nexitah's forum.) If you've seen it there, then don't think I stole it. This story is mine!. ^^

Oh, and: Yes, there is an actual plotline to this story, though you don't get into it until the next chapter. It's not completely random. ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Zexion, Demyx, or Radiant Garden. If I did, I'd be a helluva lot more popular around here...don't ya think?


Warning! Hyper, random, and insane characters and situations lie ahead!

Prologue​

“NOOOO! You've got to be kidding me! I can't...just...ergh, no! No, no, no!”

Xemnas sighed. “Listen, I thought you'd be happy about this. I only did it to make you feel better since you've been so depressing lately. Really, honestly, I don't mean to make you angry or anything...but I think you should go.”

“I can't go!” Zexion howled, burying his face into his hands. “I have nothing in common with them anymore! It'll be awkward! You can't make me go.”

“Oh yes I can.” The Superior announced. “You really ought to see your face. It's hilarious.”

“There's absolutely nothing funny about this.” Zexion snorted, rising out of his chair. “I refuse to go.”

“That's just too bad, because you're going whether you want to or not. I pulled some strings...it was difficult! You could at least humor me and give it a try.”

“Absolutely not.” Zexion said, folding his arms across his chest. “You couldn't pay me.”

“I couldn't?” Xemnas looked down for a moment, rummaging through his desk drawer. After a moment, he sat back in his chair, placing ten thousand munny on his desk. “How is this for you?”

Zexion twitched. So tempting.

“Of course, I can't force you to take it if you really don't want to go. But, if you don't go, there will be punishments.”

“Punishments?”

“Yes, number VI. No ice cream.”

“You wouldn't.”

“No instant messaging.”

“Noooo...”

“No books for a month!”

“No! No! Please, no!”

“Then go.” Xemnas said, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

Zexion considered, tilting his head to the side. “Does the offer still stand?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, then, I'll accept...but I'm only doing it for the money. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't go.”

Xemnas sighed, sliding the munny across the table. “Okay, but I think you should try to enjoy yourself. You're still family in one way or another, and I think you'll find that they're much more interesting than you think.”

“Whatever. I'm going to go pack.” The Schemer said, snatching the munny and heading for the door. “And keep your sissy little pep talks. They're getting old.”

Ch.1: Welcome Home, Idiot.​

“Wow, I'm so glad that you decided to take me along. I mean...ah! It's going to be so much fun. You and me, me and you, Radiant Garden! It's gonna be so awesome! And no missions! It's just like a vacation, only you really didn't get to choose where you were going!” Demyx squealed, his hands clenched around a bag of gummy worms.

Zexion was seated next to him in the window seat of the Passenger Gummi, his head resting against the cold glass of the window.. So far, everything had been going worse than he had expected, if that was even humanly possible. Or, like, Nobody-ishly possible. But whatever. Who said we had to get technical about this?

“I didn't invite you to come, genius. In fact, you wouldn't be here if you hadn't surgically attatched yourself to my arm.” Figuratively, of course, but Zexion was not about to admit that...especially not in public.

“Whatever.” The blond said, shrugging.

The entire trip had passed in a similar fashion: Demyx would attempt to start up a boring and completely pointless one-sided conversation, and Zexion would dismiss it quickly. Demyx would continue again a few minutes later.

While Zexion tried to drink in the next few moments of blissful silence, Demyx began wondering just what they were going to do when they got to Radiant Garden. What was their excuse going to be for staying in this family's house? Surely their leader hadn't opened up about them being...you know...not human...

“Hey Zex...”

“Hey genius, I thought I told you to stop calling me that.” Zexion snapped irritably, thoroughly ticked-off that his silence had been short-lived.

Demyx ignored him, of course. He wasn't the type to care about stuff like that, let alone notice.

“I was wondering...what did Xemnas say to your family about us coming to stay?”

“The Superior,” Zexion corrected, “Told them that we would tutoring the twins. They're giving us rooms and a monthly allowance, as well as a couple days off each month. All in all, it's not a bad deal...they're giving us a pretty loose leash.”

Demyx raised his eyebrows. “Twins?”

“Twin girls...they're eleven. Don't get your hopes up.”

“Damnit. And here I was, hoping for summer love...”

“Not with my sisters, you don't...” Zexion grumbled, covering his face with his hand. It was a good attempt at hiding the fact that his eyes were doing some serious twitching. “Dude, that's just so wrong...”

“I'm just kidding...”

“Ugh, man...I thought we'd already been through with this! You're a Nobody! You don't have any emotions, dufus!”

“Kidding...Kid. Ing. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm just joking around with you.”

“I know what it means, Demyx. I'm just saying that you need to calm down. You're acting very odd...and if you forget, that's the exact opposite of what we're trying to do here.”

“Right.” Demyx said enthusiastically, digging his gloved hands into the bag to pull out several sugar-coating candy bugs.

It was then that the Gummi came to a gentle stop, bumping lightly against the padded sides of the loading docks. Zexion rose to his feet, motioning for Demyx to assist him in grabbing the bags they had stored in the overhead compartment.

“So, anyway...” Demyx mumbled as they stepped out onto the platform. “What are their names?”

“Celestina and Scopra are the twins. Celestina goes by Celeste, sometimes. Alphonso is the oldest, and a lawyer. Stella and Carmen are the parents, and both work downtown in the bank as accountants.”

“I see...”

“...So they're very busy. Alphonso will be studying for his test in order to pass the Bar, and the younger two will need to be tutored in the Fine Arts and Mathematics.”

Demyx nodded, setting his bag down for a moment to get a better grip. “Okay then. Let's go.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The family house was high on one of the local hills, surrounded by grass and large trees, as well as a small flower and vegetable garden that circled the house. The sidewalk took a meandering course across the grass, eventually delivering the two exhausted Nobodies to the small brick building.

The door swung open almost automatically, and two young girls sprang out from behind it. Zexion and Demyx to an automatic step backwards.

The tallest of the girls was dark-haired and dark-eyed, and she stood directly in front of them, arms crossed over a black and white checkered shirt. She stared at them both, almost glaring, but completely calm at the same time.

The shorter of the two had light brown hair and blue eyes, which she paired with a rather large amount of hot pink makeup and sequins on her white dress.

“Ha!” The short one announced. “You two look funny!”

Zexion sighed, setting his bags down on the front step. “Demyx, this one right here is Scopra...and that midget over there is Celestina.”

“Omigosh!” Celestina wailed. “Scopi, he knows our names! We have to tell Mama! MAMAAAA!”

“That's because he's our tutor, you idiot.” Scopra said, her voice staying flat through the entire sentence. “And it looks like they'll have their hands full with you. I pity you two.”

“Uh...”

“Oh, so that's why they look so weird! They're from out of town! That makes some sense.”

“Some.” Scopra agreed. “So you must be...”

“Uh...Demyx and Zexion, from Heart Laboratories! We're here to be your tutors, young ladies!” Zexion said, struggling to do a very fake smile. Celestina flinched.

“I'm his boss.” Demyx announced.

“WHAT?!”

“You see, I get to yell at him when he makes dumb mistakes in the laboratory...when he mixes dangerous chemicals and drinks them. Stuff like that.”

“Does he make those mistakes a lot?” Scopra asked.

“Oh, all the time! That's Zexion for you: the total klutz!”

I, the author, would be happy to place some comments from Zexion here. Unfortunately, he was too mortified by Demyx's words to say anything. Therefore, I find it safe to say that this would be an inner “WTF?” moment.

“In that case, Mr. Demyx, I'd like you to be my tutor, since you're so much smarter than him! Pretty please, sir?”

“Of course, young lady! I'd be delighted to! Do you happen to play any musical instruments?”

“Yes, I play the guitar!”

“Excellent, Ms. Celeste! Let's go inside and take a look at it, shall we?”

Demyx picked up his bags and gave Zexion a quick smile before vanishing into the house with Celeste, leaving the Schemer and the creepy little freak outside.

“...You remind me of somebody.” Scopra announced, turning around. “Your bedroom is upstairs , second door on the right. Don't get lost, idiot boy.”

Zexion sighed and watched as she left him on the front step with both of his bags. I'm going to kill Xemnas when I get back. He decided mentally. And I want my Messenger.