well, I think they're kinda cute c: I'm a bit out of practice so these are simple, feel free to use any if you wish o: Cnc? :B
Giant Wheelchair Fantasy >: ew
how i shot web lul
Holy ****, one of the ancient members :'D Welcome back.
asdfjk D: I havent seen you in forever! ;_; I hate your school D: Miss you <3
..WOW. I heard this band a few years ago, me and a friend of mine used to adore them :'D We had both been to the US around the same time and heard them on the radio, as they were never really played in the UK. I was obsessed with "The Great Escape" for a very, very long time xD Thanks for reminding me of these guys, wow. 8D
Rawr, real CnC time. All in all though, your writing is pretty good. There's just a few odd things here and there that need to be changed. On to chapter two :'D ~ Finally, Kairi's name is revealed :v yeah, the chapter is really too short for it to go anywhere; atleast you introduced the raft though (I'm guessing it'll be part of the plot). Nice work so far, please continue.
Your writing is decent, which is pleasant. A few odd spelling errors such as "sent" instead of "scent" but otherwise this is pretty good. There didn't really seem to be a point to the story until you mentioned Death, then it was obvious that the dream was Zexion struggling with death. In my opinion Demyx got upset far too quickly o.O you should have gone into greater detail, you wouldn't immediately cry after seeing someone ill. What was the end meant to be? A hint of yaoi? I... didn't really enjoy that, if that was the intention.
Thanks :3ooo
England doesn't have enough sheep.
Yeah I got the pun, it was just awful :v Since in this case the story is one giant wall of text I didn't think the thoughts were particularly distinct xD Most stories I've read either have thoughts in speech marks or italics; it just seems to flow better in my mind.
All 14 year olds have breasts that size. Duh.
Seventh from the left :'D
Or you could just sleep the entire week and it'd be like you never left home :'DD TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Or else. ;_;
Yes. We see all your activities....sadly, even your private ones. :/gasp:
Guys, we're working on the new/altered section for now, it won't stay the same. Make suggestions when things are more permanent.
WE'RE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU o
o_o that description is so long it throws everything else off sync.
This is a bit of a bump, but such beautiful work doesn't deserve to go uncommented. I hope Kay actually read this, it's gorgeous. You only used "I" once, which was a bit confusing. You should have left the whole thing as just a complex description, forgetting the narrative. Your imagery is almost perfect, a few of your sentences drag on a bit too much but the adjectives used are rich and a pleasure to read. Hah, actually putting Catch the Rain in capitals was cheesy :v
Wait, what is this a fanfic of? I don't recognise the characters. x3 It was sweet, despite being simple. In my opinion the transition from Zero being angry to Zero being gentle was too quick and not detailed enough. Details are what make a story intresting- use them! :3 Contrary to Chevalier I didn't mind the opening, it reminded me of the scene setting in a play. But you should get rid of the italics in a story, Its quite offputting.
