hey, we were like 5 and 7, she doesnt spit now xD
When I first started reading it I got a strange sense of deja vu, as a rather famous piece of writing here begins very much like yours. Coincidences do occur, though, and I can see (as I progressed with my reading) that you've put quite a bit of effort into this. Your spelling and grammar is very neat and tidy, and I congratulate you on that. The story itself is a little predictable but as this is only the first chapter you're doing okay. What you mustn't do is let the entire story unfold through dialogue. If you look at your story so far it is mostly speech, and you need variation to truly make a good story. Nice effort, keep it up.
D'awww Dan xD I had one, but me and Hannah shared it, and she used to spit a lot... @_@
the harmonica is actually far too easy to play xD
um....I CANT PLAY THE TROMBONE
no Im not xD
power of the ehuggle ::L:
Well my mum isn't packing her bags downstairs this time, but sure =3
*rolls a melon onto visitor messages*
I absoluted adored Roald Dahl as a kid, it made me sad that most of his books were so short though xD The BFG and Matilda were my favourites =3 The only book by him that ever disappointed me was the sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. >| It's also incredible how many of his books have been adapted into films.
Toast bread. Apply frogs' legs and snails.
It's amazing, though the finer details such as the outline of the eyes looks a bit scruffy. The background is wonderful, it looks like you spent forever on it x3 Damn, no party hat >:3
Hehe >:3 click ^ and before anyone says, I realise now that the belly is too fat B(
Done :3 <3
For your reading pleasure, we have gathered a list of original stories ~ PM me if you wish for your story to be added to the list <3 (Note- Guys, some of these stories are quite old. If the last post was over six months ago, please do not necrobump; and if you're posting, make it a good review) ★ Stories ★ Rumours Author- Catch the Rain Memories of the Mentally Unstable Author- DPWolf The Dreaded Block Author- Yukai Flightless Wings Author- timexhasxgone Broken Sky Author- Destined Distortion Author- Jayn Cross Author- Styx Darunter Author- Jiku Neon Spilt Blood Author- Sexy Sheva Vermillion Sunset Author- Chevalier Crocodile Pizza Author- What? Lock and Key Author- Jiku Neon KNIGHT's Code Author- ArchAwesomeman The Quickies Author- 2Foxxie4U Winter Solstice Author- Xaale The City of Gods Author- Pyro Vividity Author- MSUK All You Know Ends Now Author- JellyBeing Intimate Collision Author- timexhasxgone Let Me Assume Author- What? Tangled in Yesterday's Memories Author- Aura The God Complex Author- TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees Angels Don't Like Heroes Author- ArchAwesomeman The Sweetest Flower of them All Author- Cariad Thirty Nine Daises Author- Catch the Rain This Is A Story In Which A King Is Tested To His Greatest Degree Author- What? Karin's Heart Author- tummer
Not supposed, as such. However, surely the narrator of I'll do it Anyway would have expressed some sort of bitterness or different thoughts within the main bulk of the poem rather than just coming out with something at the end. Ah, perhaps Im rambling. Honestly, your poems barely need critique.
Women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. lolwut?
This ^ @_@
Eww @ Avatar D: I seriously don't see this hamburger anywhere.
"With old withered faces ending warm summer days" Absoluted LOVED this line. The irony poem is so powerful and the adjectives juicy <3 I'll Do It Anyway sounds more like a rant to me. Or just an irritated person talking to themselves. The emotions you're trying to put across in it confuse me- I understand the sarcasm but it almost seemed to come out of nowhere. Regardless, you clearly have talent =3
