Haven't seen you in ages! D:
I assume this story will skip forwards and backwards in time phrases, right? It was clever to start with a death scene (well, not that her death was confirmed, but still), as most first chapters are merely an introduction and are often slow moving. Your imagery is absolutely delicious, and I'm impressed with your extensive vocabulary. You have adjectives in all the right places, and yet don't turn your work into purple prose. Well done <3 Haunting first chapter, and clever double meaning with the scratches in the second. Keep it up. :3
IM READY 8DDo
Dx Stupid time differences. ; ; I miss my best sis <3 You haven't heard my super amazing plan where we visit each other when we're older! :'D
I had a stripy shirt on. xD BoooyouandyourbusylifeandnotimeforHarriet >|
I could have SWORN that was a reason. As we evolved, our behinds got bigger to cope with balance when standing upright. xD Or something. Maybe Im talking rubbish. xD
If he was a registered sex offender he wouldn't be a teacher. :l
Its so we could balance when upright...right?
Your lips graze the spoon again And hint at traits of Gluttony You gaze into a mirror hourly Craving perfection with your Vanity A beautiful lady meets your eyes And you're green, Envious with need A mass of gold ensnares your neck But not enough for viscious Greed And yet you choose to lounge around Idle, Sloth, you linger But inside a darkening Wrath Beckon demons with your finger But no sin of yours could be worse Than the look upon your eyes When deadly Lust tangles sense And all innocence has died.
Santa's sleigh just pulled into my street, and there are loud bells ringing and flashing lights and he's yelling "HO HO HO!". He seriously came out of nowhere, it was weird as ****. xD
This made me chuckle. xD It's amusing, your work is very easy to read and there are no major spelling or grammar complaints I can make. Yuffie didn't seem OOC to me at all to be honest, she seems like a chatty and bouncy character to me. The "her and her companions" sounds a bit awkward on the tongue, this could have been reworded. This is fussy of me, but where you have the words "sword like weapon", it's better to have a hyphen between sword and like. "Sword-like" is easier to read and doesn't need a double take. ^^ Short and amusing, I liked it.
I won't move this to poetry and lyrics, because in my opinion it doesn't resemble anything that belongs there. (It's also kingdom hearts, and this subforum hosts fanfiction) I know you may be only 11, but your work would look a whole lot more inviting if you used proper English. Your spelling and grammar could use vast improvement, especially when you use words like "cus" or "Roxases". (should be 'cause and Roxas', by the way). Saying that, atleast you managed to get a few nifty rhyming couplets in there. And it was vaguely amusing. Take a look at some of the songs in Poetry and Lyrics to check out how songs are usually set out. ^^
It was extremely cute. I wasn't too keen on the structure of this at first but the double lines grew on me. Very simple sentences but your vocabulary isn't frustratingly plain which is good. The fact you got Namine to speak to the sketchbook was a nice touch, it encouraged a little sympathy from the reader. I also liked the last line "Nobodies can't become somebodies". I hope you continue writing, even if only in this simple style. ^^
Photobucket, seriously. It takes a bit of searching but you can always find treasures among the random crap. xD The Yuna one as seen in number 4 is just beautiful quality x3 e.g. this one is pretty good. x
Sometimes I doubt things were ever alive to be honest. xD
mmm, yeah, but I'm not allowed it often because it messes with my blood sugar. xD
I miss you too. I look like a french person today. :'D
Welcome! Always nice to have another Brit on board (: I wonder how you did sixth form as well as college, though. xD
I reaaaally hope I didn't just see someone thinking Ikea was American. xD
I am but a lowly worm Pin me down And I shall squirm You think it's fun To cut me in half To watch me struggle down the garden path I am but a lowly worm Pin me down And watch me squirm Blind and deaf I am helpless prey Dead on the earth I shall lay
