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I really liked it, and it sadly was rather accurate of the lives of many people. Only bit that threw me off was why they'd go to sleep feeling **** and then wake up fine. Rhythm was lovely, although when I read "The guys with sets of all-gold teeth, " the flow seemed a bit interrupted. Maybe that's just me though. :c
Yeah its all better the bruising wasn't too bad to start with apparently :'D I'm great thanks c: I was in a tournament today, I actually...
@ Zeonark- your life sounds tough.
Aww, thats a bit unfair of the teacher :/ she should have atleast asked you what it was for first.
Don't pick on him. >| Imagine there was a sudden celebrity craze over CoffinCam. You could watch your favourite celebs rot! ...:why?:
I have no idea how to reply to this.
I have a friend who's "vegetarian" but he eats at kfc all the time. xD
So there is apparently something called "CoffinCam", where you can choose to install a camera into a loved one's coffin and watch them decay. It was just mentioned on tv. What the ****.
I miss you!
It's a beautiful and touching poem but I shall look at it from a technical perspective o: Hmm, the use of the semi-colon seems inappropriate here because of the word "and". You would have been better just using a comma, though I know how much fancier a semi-colon looks. xD Second line seems far too crude for such a fluent poem. There's a funny little exception to the posessive use of apostrophes with the word "it". You don't use one. It is just "its". Okay now I'm being too picky B| My favourite stanza was the final one- your repetition was clever and it almost became free verse. Very touching. All is loooove <3
^ LOL We had this really awkward dance before, it consisted of chest wiggles and thrusts. There were boys spying on us.
Aww, this one is so much cuter than the usual designs! :3 Cute little heartless. Damn you, why do we not have Hot Topic over here?
I have a phobia of scary masks. :B|:
Although you only posted a small prologue it is clear a mysterious and enigmatic story awaits. o: If you could split your writing up into smaller chunks that'd be lovely, especially when you're showing his inner thoughts. A quick run through a spell checker would help too, kay :3 Hope you post chapter one soon.
hey there 8D ...so I just saw your mask. ;-;
Oh beautiful cheeseman, won't you spare me a slice of cheddar? o:
MERGED. Please refer to this section's rules for details. One thread per poet. As for the poems themselves.. The first one has fancy enough vocabulary, but really makes no sense, as your title suggests. People don't want to read poems that have nothing to them. D: The second poem had random capital lettes in the middle of lines, although I did like the theme.
Ohohoho, Axel lifting them to safety? That was rather a suprise. xD But then, I suppose he had seen that Namine could prove herself by then. Your writing has improved even within the space of this story. I am rather impressed, and you make mistakes only ocassionally. This sounds...wrong. Use a different word instead of "went", or get rid of "had already". I suggest a verb like "ripped" or "torn" which sounds much more suitable for killing Neoshadows. xD Keep it up! Looking forward to the next chapter. I quite enjoyed the length of this one.
Is this the end? ^ haha, I feel like such a goof for thinking of Crisis Core. Ah, this explains why I do not know of Sara then. I shamefully have not read the manga. I always look forward to your updates now :'D Its so easy to read, and you project the characters so flawlessly. Your fight scenes always have the right mix of action, description and inner monologue (in a sense). Daddy to the rescue :B