; n ; Thanks PaW. <3 -- Rewatching Death Note. FUN TIMES AWAIT ME. In other news, recently broke 3,000 subscribers on Youtube and I just don't even know. I haven't been uploading very often lately because depression and stuff but I'm still gaining about 100 subs every day or two? Craziness!! It's definitely contributed to building my confidence, but I still ... feel wary about it. I want to keep improving and moving forward, and I appreciate all of the growing support but the perfectionist in me hates everything I do. * n * ALAS.
List updated. Just two more days, kids.
Why not just give it a chance and if you don't like it, drop it? It's been a fun show to watch so far, for me. Don't go into it expecting gold.
List updated and reminders send out! There's one extra slow now so anyone not in it can participate if they'd like to.
♔: ♠ « MUSIC ♠ « WEARING ♠ « ✉ 1 ♠ « OOC: N|A ♠ :♔ The request for Ginger Ale had been graciously granted, and then they moved to a beautiful dining area, that made him feel a bit out of place. Oliver found himself entirely tuning out the events around him as he sat down and sipped on his drink, trying to ease the overwhelming sense of nausea in his stomach. It wasn't until then that he realized his request for something to ease the headache had been neglected, unless this was supposed to be it. They sat there for a bit, some of them chatting with one another. When breakfast arrived, he politely picked at his food. He needed to get out of here soon. He was beginning to feel dizzy and tired, and wanted to go back to bed. Hopefully Reed wasn't around ... Pierce walked in and he smiled at her, but it seemed like she was on edge over something. Then he remembered his own hesitation, and a bit of last night's awkwardness, and looked away, taking in a mouthful of eggs. He felt bad. She said she was leaving and he felt disappointed on top of that negativity. He sighed and continued eating.
The request for Ginger Ale had been graciously granted, and then they moved to a beautiful dining area, that made him feel a bit out of place. Oliver found himself entirely tuning out the events around him as he sat down and sipped on his drink, trying to ease the overwhelming sense of nausea in his stomach. It wasn't until then that he realized his request for something to ease the headache had been neglected, unless this was supposed to be it. They sat there for a bit, some of them chatting with one another. When breakfast arrived, he politely picked at his food. He needed to get out of here soon. He was beginning to feel dizzy and tired, and wanted to go back to bed. Hopefully Reed wasn't around ... Pierce walked in and he smiled at her, but it seemed like she was on edge over something. Then he remembered his own hesitation, and a bit of last night's awkwardness, and looked away, taking in a mouthful of eggs. He felt bad. She said she was leaving and he felt disappointed on top of that negativity. He sighed and continued eating.
♔: ♠ « MUSIC ♠ « WEARING ♠ « ✉ 1 ♠ « OOC: N|A ♠ :♔ The hours passed quickly. It felt like only a blink had gone by, and suddenly his surroundings were completely unfamiliar. He was in a bed, alone [ that was good ] and in a room he didn't recognize. The bed was really nice, though. He almost didn't want to get out of it ... But he did, because he needed to know where he was. It was annoying. The events from last night were a blurry, incoherent haze. He remembered arriving at the party, avoiding Pierce, drinking some and then nothing but blurry, flashing, silent-film memories. Finally, he peeled the blankets away from his body and slid out from them. His stomach turned without warning and he had to mash his lips together and bite his tongue to keep from vomiting out onto the floor. A bathroom was quickly found and a short puking session commenced. He was usually better at keeping this stuff down. What did he do last night? He must have been miserable! A towel, an unused toothbrush and toothpaste were found and he took care of himself and cleaned up, gazing into the ridiculously clean mirror. His clothes were nearly twisted around him, collars flipped up the wrong way. His shaggy blonde hair fell in every direction, in loose spikes ... He tried to readjust everything as best as he could but ultimately gave up on looking as sharp as he had in that box office and left the bathroom, heading down the halls and following the sound of socialization until he was near the kitchen. People were exchanging their good mornings, so he wasn't too late to the party, from what he could see. Knowing there was nothing to look forward to at home, he took a seat at the kitchen island, a couple of seats away from Sophie. ❝Hey.❞ His voice was low but friendly, and directed mostly at Sophie and her servant guy. ❝... Do you guys have any Ginger Ale, or Sprite? ... And anything for headaches?❞
The hours passed quickly. It felt like only a blink had gone by, and suddenly his surroundings were completely unfamiliar. He was in a bed, alone [ that was good ] and in a room he didn't recognize. The bed was really nice, though. He almost didn't want to get out of it ... But he did, because he needed to know where he was. It was annoying. The events from last night were a blurry, incoherent haze. He remembered arriving at the party, avoiding Pierce, drinking some and then nothing but blurry, flashing, silent-film memories. Finally, he peeled the blankets away from his body and slid out from them. His stomach turned without warning and he had to mash his lips together and bite his tongue to keep from vomiting out onto the floor. A bathroom was quickly found and a short puking session commenced. He was usually better at keeping this stuff down. What did he do last night? He must have been miserable! A towel, an unused toothbrush and toothpaste were found and he took care of himself and cleaned up, gazing into the ridiculously clean mirror. His clothes were nearly twisted around him, collars flipped up the wrong way. His shaggy blonde hair fell in every direction, in loose spikes ... He tried to readjust everything as best as he could but ultimately gave up on looking as sharp as he had in that box office and left the bathroom, heading down the halls and following the sound of socialization until he was near the kitchen. People were exchanging their good mornings, so he wasn't too late to the party, from what he could see. Knowing there was nothing to look forward to at home, he took a seat at the kitchen island, a couple of seats away from Sophie.
❝Hey.❞ His voice was low but friendly, and directed mostly at Sophie and her servant guy. ❝... Do you guys have any Ginger Ale, or Sprite? ... And anything for headaches?❞
『WEATHER』 WINDY, SNOWING, COLD 28°! ✖『DATE & TIME』 12/26/2015 - ???✖『DAY』 05 ❝Have I ever told you that you're extremely beautiful?❞ Noëlle almost died right there. No way!! Hah, aha, aaah!! AAAH!! Her face continued to burn, and her eyes were wide with surprise. How was she supposed to react to that? It made her want to bury her face in the snow! She was so embarrassed ... He had always given her offhand compliments when she went out of her way to look nice for something, but had he ever called her ... beautiful? And he sounded so genuine and sweet about it. What was she supposed to do?! Bryan maneuvered out of her arms but kept her hand in his. He dragged her through the snow and back into their warm little tent. She was so astounded she couldn't find any words to say. Had the 'brew' worked? What exactly was going on? This was just ... arousal, right? That's all she wanted. He couldn't really be in love with her, could he? ... No. Love potions didn't exist. They settled down again and she fixed the fallen heater, breathing out softly when Bryan gathered her up into her lap - the way he had been in hers before. This was strange. In all honestly, she was a bit frightened ... but he was so warm, and his aura was so peaceful and loving, she couldn't help but close her eyes and relax to the sound of his humming. ❝Noëlle,❞ her eyes fluttered open again. Without any more of a warning, he tilted her chin up and she stopped breathing. What was happening? What was he doing? Her body went stiff. She felt frozen in place - in time, even. Then, he leaned forward and her fingers curled into fists, wrapped into his shirt as his lips pressed against hers. Somewhere in her head there was a voice screaming for her to stop him. Warning her that this wasn't right; It was her fault. He didn't really want her ... However, there was something stronger and overwhelming filling her heart. Something that reminded her that she didn't care. It was a terrible, selfish, flaring fire she had been suppressing for years, but he was kissing her. It was being unleashed, free to burn as it pleased. He was really kissing her. Noëlle didn't intend to let this chance to go waste. As soon as the shock wore off, Bryan pulled away, gazing down into her face with a love she had never seen before. It made her want to cry. Then, he shrugged and pressed their lips together again. This time, she returned the kiss fully, sliding her hands down his shirt and pressing deeper into his warm body. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she sighed with a delightful shiver. She had never kissed someone before, and on top of that it was Bryan! The only person she had ever wanted to kiss. This felt like a dream ... After an eternity, Bryan pulled back again and sighed, stroking her cheek with his thumb, ❝Do you want to sleep out here tonight?❞ Without hesitation, she nodded wordlessly and smiled at him. Everything was cleared away to the side of the tent, and the first couple of blankets were peeled back. They slid underneath together, initially spread apart and situating their pillows. Then, the flashlights were turned off and the siblings were left in darkness - lulled by the winds of the gentle snowstorm brewing around them. It wasn't long before they found themselves close again. At first, their hands met ... then her face pressed into his neck with affection, and their legs intertwined. Noëlle breathed in his scent and relished in his amore. The situation was so unbelievable. The effects of the aphrodisiac or whatever would likely fade away as the night dragged on, but this had been enough ... Feeling his lips against hers, and their bodies pressed together ... When he came to his senses, he would likely be an apologetic mess. She would gather her courage and confess to him then ... Sleepily, she moaned and stretched against him, clutching his body closer to hear his heartbeat. Her eyes were so heavy ... Once this was all over, would he try and distance himself again ...? She couldn't get the thought out of her head. Minus the thinking she had killed him part, this was probably the happiest night of her life. The tears were starting up again. Man, she was so emotional! ❝... Tomorrow ... you won't leave me, will you ...?❞ He shifted beside her and their noses pressed together. She could feel his warm breath on her face and it made her want to kiss him again. Softly, just low enough so that she could hear him, he answered. ❝I’d never leave you, don’t you know that? I love you, Noëlle, and I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me.❞ ❝... I love you too,❞ she returned it passionately and kissed his forehead, throwing the topmost blanket over them so that they were huddled together underneath. ❝... You'll be here forever, then.❞ She murmured lovingly and somewhat playfully [ somewhat ], pecking at his nose before cuddling even deeper into him and closing her eyes. Feeling truly fulfilled for the first time in her life, Noëlle drifted off into sleep.
❝Have I ever told you that you're extremely beautiful?❞ Noëlle almost died right there. No way!! Hah, aha, aaah!! AAAH!! Her face continued to burn, and her eyes were wide with surprise. How was she supposed to react to that? It made her want to bury her face in the snow! She was so embarrassed ... He had always given her offhand compliments when she went out of her way to look nice for something, but had he ever called her ... beautiful? And he sounded so genuine and sweet about it. What was she supposed to do?! Bryan maneuvered out of her arms but kept her hand in his. He dragged her through the snow and back into their warm little tent. She was so astounded she couldn't find any words to say. Had the 'brew' worked? What exactly was going on? This was just ... arousal, right? That's all she wanted. He couldn't really be in love with her, could he? ... No. Love potions didn't exist. They settled down again and she fixed the fallen heater, breathing out softly when Bryan gathered her up into her lap - the way he had been in hers before. This was strange. In all honestly, she was a bit frightened ... but he was so warm, and his aura was so peaceful and loving, she couldn't help but close her eyes and relax to the sound of his humming. ❝Noëlle,❞ her eyes fluttered open again. Without any more of a warning, he tilted her chin up and she stopped breathing. What was happening? What was he doing? Her body went stiff. She felt frozen in place - in time, even. Then, he leaned forward and her fingers curled into fists, wrapped into his shirt as his lips pressed against hers. Somewhere in her head there was a voice screaming for her to stop him. Warning her that this wasn't right; It was her fault. He didn't really want her ... However, there was something stronger and overwhelming filling her heart. Something that reminded her that she didn't care. It was a terrible, selfish, flaring fire she had been suppressing for years, but he was kissing her. It was being unleashed, free to burn as it pleased. He was really kissing her. Noëlle didn't intend to let this chance to go waste. As soon as the shock wore off, Bryan pulled away, gazing down into her face with a love she had never seen before. It made her want to cry. Then, he shrugged and pressed their lips together again. This time, she returned the kiss fully, sliding her hands down his shirt and pressing deeper into his warm body. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she sighed with a delightful shiver. She had never kissed someone before, and on top of that it was Bryan! The only person she had ever wanted to kiss. This felt like a dream ... After an eternity, Bryan pulled back again and sighed, stroking her cheek with his thumb, ❝Do you want to sleep out here tonight?❞ Without hesitation, she nodded wordlessly and smiled at him. Everything was cleared away to the side of the tent, and the first couple of blankets were peeled back. They slid underneath together, initially spread apart and situating their pillows. Then, the flashlights were turned off and the siblings were left in darkness - lulled by the winds of the gentle snowstorm brewing around them. It wasn't long before they found themselves close again. At first, their hands met ... then her face pressed into his neck with affection, and their legs intertwined. Noëlle breathed in his scent and relished in his amore. The situation was so unbelievable. The effects of the aphrodisiac or whatever would likely fade away as the night dragged on, but this had been enough ... Feeling his lips against hers, and their bodies pressed together ... When he came to his senses, he would likely be an apologetic mess. She would gather her courage and confess to him then ... Sleepily, she moaned and stretched against him, clutching his body closer to hear his heartbeat. Her eyes were so heavy ... Once this was all over, would he try and distance himself again ...? She couldn't get the thought out of her head. Minus the thinking she had killed him part, this was probably the happiest night of her life. The tears were starting up again. Man, she was so emotional! ❝... Tomorrow ... you won't leave me, will you ...?❞ He shifted beside her and their noses pressed together. She could feel his warm breath on her face and it made her want to kiss him again. Softly, just low enough so that she could hear him, he answered. ❝I’d never leave you, don’t you know that? I love you, Noëlle, and I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me.❞ ❝... I love you too,❞ she returned it passionately and kissed his forehead, throwing the topmost blanket over them so that they were huddled together underneath. ❝... You'll be here forever, then.❞ She murmured lovingly and somewhat playfully [ somewhat ], pecking at his nose before cuddling even deeper into him and closing her eyes. Feeling truly fulfilled for the first time in her life, Noëlle drifted off into sleep.
♔: ♠ « MUSIC ♠ « WEARING ♠ « ✉ 1 ♠ « OOC: N|A ♠ :♔ ❝This is a pretty boring parrrrty, really.❞ He slurred, sitting outside of the entrance to the pool with his cell phone crammed up against his ear aggressively. He didn't remember how he got there, exactly. His hair was disheveled, and clothing wet in various spots with soda and booze. He felt sleepy, and sick, but mostly sleepy. ❝There aren't enough of us, Soooph! There aren't enough of us for a party like this. I mean ... I mean, if we had like twenty more people then maybe ... Maybe. We could crank up the mad hippin' tunes and go wild. I mean, really wild. Like ... BAM. But everyone just went off and got wasty basky alone, like whoa. We should have done somethin' together, like karaoke or some shit.❞ He wasn't actually sure where Sophie was, but his mind was a little gone at the moment. Sitting in that box office with Pierce had been fun, though things were still a little awkward. He had invite her to go ice skating with him on Christmas Eve, fully prepared to be rejected. It was something that Mary and him were supposed to do together, and then he had been considering asking Grace, but both girls weren't talking to him and Pierce was nice enough. It was a bit more than that though. He found himself wanting to get close to her. He wanted her to feel comfortable with him, and he wanted to get passed the stuttering, like Sophie had seemed to do. It was kind of selfish, he'd admit. He had kind of set it up as a challenge for him. He wasn't sure how he felt other than that and it made him feel like an awful person. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't avoiding her tonight. Oliver was drunk, but that wasn't all. He had started drinking the moment he arrived, and then had partaken in other things, in private. ... Who was he even on the phone with? He pulled the phone away from his ear and noticed he had been leaving Reed a rather long voicemail. That was nice. At least it wasn't Grace, or Mary, or Pierce. He hit end and fought the compulsion to dial another number. With a dramatic groan, he lifted himself from his spot and the world spun, causing him to chuckle and then gag. He took one massively unbalanced step, gave up, and sat back down, spreading out and laying on his stomach. He felt so happy. So at peace. The floor was such a nice floor. ❝You've got a nice fucking floor, Sophiera.❞ He moaned, twisting onto his side. Before he knew it, he was completely unconscious.
❝This is a pretty boring parrrrty, really.❞ He slurred, sitting outside of the entrance to the pool with his cell phone crammed up against his ear aggressively. He didn't remember how he got there, exactly. His hair was disheveled, and clothing wet in various spots with soda and booze. He felt sleepy, and sick, but mostly sleepy. ❝There aren't enough of us, Soooph! There aren't enough of us for a party like this. I mean ... I mean, if we had like twenty more people then maybe ... Maybe. We could crank up the mad hippin' tunes and go wild. I mean, really wild. Like ... BAM. But everyone just went off and got wasty basky alone, like whoa. We should have done somethin' together, like karaoke or some shit.❞ He wasn't actually sure where Sophie was, but his mind was a little gone at the moment. Sitting in that box office with Pierce had been fun, though things were still a little awkward. He had invite her to go ice skating with him on Christmas Eve, fully prepared to be rejected. It was something that Mary and him were supposed to do together, and then he had been considering asking Grace, but both girls weren't talking to him and Pierce was nice enough. It was a bit more than that though. He found himself wanting to get close to her. He wanted her to feel comfortable with him, and he wanted to get passed the stuttering, like Sophie had seemed to do. It was kind of selfish, he'd admit. He had kind of set it up as a challenge for him. He wasn't sure how he felt other than that and it made him feel like an awful person. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't avoiding her tonight. Oliver was drunk, but that wasn't all. He had started drinking the moment he arrived, and then had partaken in other things, in private. ... Who was he even on the phone with? He pulled the phone away from his ear and noticed he had been leaving Reed a rather long voicemail. That was nice. At least it wasn't Grace, or Mary, or Pierce. He hit end and fought the compulsion to dial another number. With a dramatic groan, he lifted himself from his spot and the world spun, causing him to chuckle and then gag. He took one massively unbalanced step, gave up, and sat back down, spreading out and laying on his stomach. He felt so happy. So at peace. The floor was such a nice floor. ❝You've got a nice fucking floor, Sophiera.❞ He moaned, twisting onto his side. Before he knew it, he was completely unconscious.
❝You've got a nice fucking floor, Sophiera.❞ He moaned, twisting onto his side. Before he knew it, he was completely unconscious.
『WEATHER』 WINDY, SNOWING, COLD 28°! ✖『DATE & TIME』 12/26/2015 - ???✖『DAY』 05 Uno cards lay discarded at her side, and the list of movies they'd been wanting to watch was beginning to dwindle as they plowed through. There had been a couple of trips back into the house for more tea [ and some bathroom breaks ], but truth be told she was beginning to feel a bit sleepy. Her yawns were becoming closer and closer together with her blinks becoming longer and longer ... In an effort to keep awake, she shifted from her stomach and into an upright position. Christmas was coming to an end, and though their night together had been the most fun she'd had in awhile, there was something sad tugging at her heart ... something whispering that as soon as the night was over, he would drift away again. Apart of her wondered if he was only humoring her out of pity, but she quickly dismissed the thought. Doing otherwise would tear her up inside. Bryan moved closer and she smiled, moving her hand away from the mouse of the laptop so he could nestle in and rest his head on her lap. It was a struggle pretending not to be phased by his closeness; not to run her fingers through his soft russet hair, nuzzle their noses together and peck his lips for the first time. Her heart fluttered and she breathed out adoringly. ❝This is nice,❞ he said, filling the pleasant silence between them. ❝Not having to worry about others . . . It's not like it's their business, y'know? . . . If we want to be close, it's not like that's their problem.❞ Noëlle looked delighted, but willed herself to stay quiet. Did he really feel that way? Bryan had always been there for her when she needed him, but it never felt mutual ... Rarely ever, at least. He didn't lean on her the way she leaned on him. He shouldered everything, even when they were young ... Did he really want to be close to her, even now? She thought she felt him shift beneath her but he looked fine when she locked eyes with him for the first time since he settled down into her lap. He raised his hand and began to poke the bottom of Noëlle's chin thoughtfully, causing her to smile again. ❝I like it when you smile.❞ There was something stirring within her. According to the books she had read and the movies and TV shows she had seen in her lifetime, it was the flourishing sensation of butterflies in her stomach. ❝What are you thinking about . . . ?❞ There were so many things running through her head, where was she to start? Sorting through the positive and negative thoughts, she was left with just one thing. With a deep breath, she answered. ❝... I'm wondering when you're planning to use your gift ticket.❞ It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth, either. The ticket meant much more than the silly piece of paper she had handed him early this morning. Her aquamarine eyes peered down into his forest green ones and, gingerly, she brushed some hair out of his face. ❝... I'm happy.❞ ❝Yeah, I'm happy, too.❞ Bryan murmured back, smiling. He shuffled around and then reached for his green scarf and unwrapped it, pulling out the neatly folded piece of paper she had given him. She turned to face him.❝Okay, okay, I'm ready!❞ He was so excited it made her feel a bit ... guilty. What was she doing ... ? No, what was she ABOUT to do? Was she sure ... ? During her latest trip into the house, Noëlle grabbed the familiar little glass bottle with the heart stopper lodged into the neck from her room and brought it with her into the kitchen. She hadn't been positive that she'd end up using it, but she talked herself into pouring the liquid into the newest - untouched - kettle of tea. If it went to waste, it was as easy as ordering a new flask and making up something on the spot if Bryan ever used his ticket. A love potion ... Haha. Noëlle wasn't naive enough to believe such a thing truly existed. There was no way. It was impossible. After a lot of thinking, she had deduced that Cupid's Brew was, at best, an aphrodisiac. At worst, color dyed water. If Bryan wanted her - just for a night ... Would that be enough? It was unlikely that he would act on it, but imagining him wanting her, even just for a few minutes, gave her hope. Maybe if he could break through the wall of siblingship just for a minute and see her as a woman and not just his baby sister ... Maybe that would be enough of a spark between them to ignite something more. ... Maybe. It was a long shot. Maybe he was so deeply rooted in his role as a big brother that it wouldn't even be her he wanted. Maybe he would just leave her outside alone and go over to a friend's house to - uh - ... relieve himself. That would be terrible. It was an idea that made Noëlle want to punch someone in the face. The thought of Bryan with anyone else always made her feel that way ... So angry. She took a deep calming breath and swallowed hard, retrieving the ticket from her brother and slowly pushing a cup of tea she had poured towards him, averting her gaze anxiously. ❝Aah ... I, um ... Made you a special batch of tea. I know how much you like the tea I make, and I wanted to try something new! I really do hope you'll like it, though ...❞ He could usually tell when she was holding something back, so she tried her best acting - but wasn't completely sure he'd buy it. With everything in her she hoped he just chalked it up to nerves. Luckily, it seemed he did. He smiled at her and thanked her, taking the warm cup of tea from the blankets below them. For a moment it seemed he was hesitating ... and then he brought the rim of the cup to his lips and took a sip. Noëlle could feel her pulse vibrating in her ears. Her heavily-lashed eyes were wide and settled on Bryan's face, watching intently as he scrunched up his nose. What did it taste like, she wondered? From his facial expressions, she gathered it must have been sour or citrusy ... or extremely bitter. Ah, she was beginning to feel a little ashamed. Maybe she should say something ... It clearly wasn't doing anything immediate. He still had time to dilute it down with some water. ❝Bryan, I ...❞ Before she could get very far into her confession, the empty tea cup fell from his fingers and his dropped like a bolder sinking in water. After a small bit of coughing and groaning, he went completely still. His deep green eyes remained open, staring off emptily into a wall of the tent. Noëlle could feel the color draining from her face; her body beginning to tremble as adrenaline shot up through the roof! What was happening?! ❝... Bryan?❞ She breathed. Nothing. Oh no. Oh no!! Oh God!! ❝Bryan ... ! BRYAN!! ❞ Clumsily, she crawled to his side and shook his shoulder. Unwanted, swelling tears pricked at her eyes and she rolled her brother onto his back, shoving her ear against his chest to listen for a heartbeat. He was still alive. Still breathing ... And suddenly, he shifted from his stillness, pushing himself into a sitting position with a gentle sigh. Noëlle threw a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her cries against her palm. Her chest rose and fell wildly, and she leaned into herself a bit more from her sitting position, trying desperately to calm down and end the initiation of hyperventilation. Shock and confusion didn't even begin to describe how she felt in that moment, but Bryan looked even more at a loss than she did! He turned his head from side to side, appearing to be searching for something. His eyebrows furrowed in thought and then his expression would fall into nothing. At first, she figured he was just trying to gather himself after his reaction, but then he went to stand up and leave, nearly toppling their tent over and knocking the heater onto it's back. ❝Where are you going?!❞ She shouted. Was she right, then? He was heading off to see someone else? Or maybe he somehow knew what she had done - and hated her now. In any case he ignored her, unzipping the tent and stepping out into the still-falling snow. Noëlle climbed quickly after him in the darkness. She shivered immediately with the lodging of ice between her toes, and folded her arms across her halfway exposed chest for extra warmth. ❝Bryan!❞ Her voice cut through the icy winds and she stumbled forward towards him, tears running down her pale cheeks. ❝Plea ... please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry!❞ Just like her to fuck everything up. To want too much. Never satisfied Noëlle. Why couldn't she just accept it?! They weren't ever going to be more than what they were; brother and sister. Trying to make it anything else would just end in disaster ... It was utterly hopeless, and she was an idiot. Noëlle was basically choking on her tears as Bryan took another step forward. Her arms wrapped around him from behind and she used all of her strength to turn him back to her. She couldn't let him leave like this! It was ... It was Christmas ... He seemed dazed - apathetic, even, eyes dancing around their backyard. ❝Bryan ... Bryan, look at me,❞ the volume her voice was on level with the crunching of their feet in the snow as she pulled him closer, placing a hand on his neck to monitor his pulse again. Something was wrong, he seemed so zombie-like! It was then that Bryan finally tilted his chin down and really looked at her. Her deep red strands blew back with the snow draft, whipping against her ears. His moss-hued eyes widened in realization as he locked gazes with her. Without warning or words, he took her lifted hand in his and curled his fingers around her own. Despite the enormous amount of worry she was harbouring, she could feel her face flooding with heat again and tried to blink the flood of tears away, suddenly feeling worlds of self-consciousness. The way he was looking at her! ❝... Bryan ... ?❞ Spoiler: ♥
Uno cards lay discarded at her side, and the list of movies they'd been wanting to watch was beginning to dwindle as they plowed through. There had been a couple of trips back into the house for more tea [ and some bathroom breaks ], but truth be told she was beginning to feel a bit sleepy. Her yawns were becoming closer and closer together with her blinks becoming longer and longer ... In an effort to keep awake, she shifted from her stomach and into an upright position. Christmas was coming to an end, and though their night together had been the most fun she'd had in awhile, there was something sad tugging at her heart ... something whispering that as soon as the night was over, he would drift away again. Apart of her wondered if he was only humoring her out of pity, but she quickly dismissed the thought. Doing otherwise would tear her up inside. Bryan moved closer and she smiled, moving her hand away from the mouse of the laptop so he could nestle in and rest his head on her lap. It was a struggle pretending not to be phased by his closeness; not to run her fingers through his soft russet hair, nuzzle their noses together and peck his lips for the first time. Her heart fluttered and she breathed out adoringly. ❝This is nice,❞ he said, filling the pleasant silence between them. ❝Not having to worry about others . . . It's not like it's their business, y'know? . . . If we want to be close, it's not like that's their problem.❞ Noëlle looked delighted, but willed herself to stay quiet. Did he really feel that way? Bryan had always been there for her when she needed him, but it never felt mutual ... Rarely ever, at least. He didn't lean on her the way she leaned on him. He shouldered everything, even when they were young ... Did he really want to be close to her, even now? She thought she felt him shift beneath her but he looked fine when she locked eyes with him for the first time since he settled down into her lap. He raised his hand and began to poke the bottom of Noëlle's chin thoughtfully, causing her to smile again. ❝I like it when you smile.❞ There was something stirring within her. According to the books she had read and the movies and TV shows she had seen in her lifetime, it was the flourishing sensation of butterflies in her stomach. ❝What are you thinking about . . . ?❞ There were so many things running through her head, where was she to start? Sorting through the positive and negative thoughts, she was left with just one thing. With a deep breath, she answered. ❝... I'm wondering when you're planning to use your gift ticket.❞ It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth, either. The ticket meant much more than the silly piece of paper she had handed him early this morning. Her aquamarine eyes peered down into his forest green ones and, gingerly, she brushed some hair out of his face. ❝... I'm happy.❞ ❝Yeah, I'm happy, too.❞ Bryan murmured back, smiling. He shuffled around and then reached for his green scarf and unwrapped it, pulling out the neatly folded piece of paper she had given him. She turned to face him.❝Okay, okay, I'm ready!❞ He was so excited it made her feel a bit ... guilty. What was she doing ... ? No, what was she ABOUT to do? Was she sure ... ? During her latest trip into the house, Noëlle grabbed the familiar little glass bottle with the heart stopper lodged into the neck from her room and brought it with her into the kitchen. She hadn't been positive that she'd end up using it, but she talked herself into pouring the liquid into the newest - untouched - kettle of tea. If it went to waste, it was as easy as ordering a new flask and making up something on the spot if Bryan ever used his ticket. A love potion ... Haha. Noëlle wasn't naive enough to believe such a thing truly existed. There was no way. It was impossible. After a lot of thinking, she had deduced that Cupid's Brew was, at best, an aphrodisiac. At worst, color dyed water. If Bryan wanted her - just for a night ... Would that be enough? It was unlikely that he would act on it, but imagining him wanting her, even just for a few minutes, gave her hope. Maybe if he could break through the wall of siblingship just for a minute and see her as a woman and not just his baby sister ... Maybe that would be enough of a spark between them to ignite something more. ... Maybe. It was a long shot. Maybe he was so deeply rooted in his role as a big brother that it wouldn't even be her he wanted. Maybe he would just leave her outside alone and go over to a friend's house to - uh - ... relieve himself. That would be terrible. It was an idea that made Noëlle want to punch someone in the face. The thought of Bryan with anyone else always made her feel that way ... So angry. She took a deep calming breath and swallowed hard, retrieving the ticket from her brother and slowly pushing a cup of tea she had poured towards him, averting her gaze anxiously. ❝Aah ... I, um ... Made you a special batch of tea. I know how much you like the tea I make, and I wanted to try something new! I really do hope you'll like it, though ...❞ He could usually tell when she was holding something back, so she tried her best acting - but wasn't completely sure he'd buy it. With everything in her she hoped he just chalked it up to nerves. Luckily, it seemed he did. He smiled at her and thanked her, taking the warm cup of tea from the blankets below them. For a moment it seemed he was hesitating ... and then he brought the rim of the cup to his lips and took a sip. Noëlle could feel her pulse vibrating in her ears. Her heavily-lashed eyes were wide and settled on Bryan's face, watching intently as he scrunched up his nose. What did it taste like, she wondered? From his facial expressions, she gathered it must have been sour or citrusy ... or extremely bitter. Ah, she was beginning to feel a little ashamed. Maybe she should say something ... It clearly wasn't doing anything immediate. He still had time to dilute it down with some water. ❝Bryan, I ...❞ Before she could get very far into her confession, the empty tea cup fell from his fingers and his dropped like a bolder sinking in water. After a small bit of coughing and groaning, he went completely still. His deep green eyes remained open, staring off emptily into a wall of the tent. Noëlle could feel the color draining from her face; her body beginning to tremble as adrenaline shot up through the roof! What was happening?! ❝... Bryan?❞ She breathed. Nothing. Oh no. Oh no!! Oh God!! ❝Bryan ... ! BRYAN!! ❞ Clumsily, she crawled to his side and shook his shoulder. Unwanted, swelling tears pricked at her eyes and she rolled her brother onto his back, shoving her ear against his chest to listen for a heartbeat. He was still alive. Still breathing ... And suddenly, he shifted from his stillness, pushing himself into a sitting position with a gentle sigh. Noëlle threw a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her cries against her palm. Her chest rose and fell wildly, and she leaned into herself a bit more from her sitting position, trying desperately to calm down and end the initiation of hyperventilation. Shock and confusion didn't even begin to describe how she felt in that moment, but Bryan looked even more at a loss than she did! He turned his head from side to side, appearing to be searching for something. His eyebrows furrowed in thought and then his expression would fall into nothing. At first, she figured he was just trying to gather himself after his reaction, but then he went to stand up and leave, nearly toppling their tent over and knocking the heater onto it's back. ❝Where are you going?!❞ She shouted. Was she right, then? He was heading off to see someone else? Or maybe he somehow knew what she had done - and hated her now. In any case he ignored her, unzipping the tent and stepping out into the still-falling snow. Noëlle climbed quickly after him in the darkness. She shivered immediately with the lodging of ice between her toes, and folded her arms across her halfway exposed chest for extra warmth. ❝Bryan!❞ Her voice cut through the icy winds and she stumbled forward towards him, tears running down her pale cheeks. ❝Plea ... please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry!❞ Just like her to fuck everything up. To want too much. Never satisfied Noëlle. Why couldn't she just accept it?! They weren't ever going to be more than what they were; brother and sister. Trying to make it anything else would just end in disaster ... It was utterly hopeless, and she was an idiot. Noëlle was basically choking on her tears as Bryan took another step forward. Her arms wrapped around him from behind and she used all of her strength to turn him back to her. She couldn't let him leave like this! It was ... It was Christmas ... He seemed dazed - apathetic, even, eyes dancing around their backyard. ❝Bryan ... Bryan, look at me,❞ the volume her voice was on level with the crunching of their feet in the snow as she pulled him closer, placing a hand on his neck to monitor his pulse again. Something was wrong, he seemed so zombie-like! It was then that Bryan finally tilted his chin down and really looked at her. Her deep red strands blew back with the snow draft, whipping against her ears. His moss-hued eyes widened in realization as he locked gazes with her. Without warning or words, he took her lifted hand in his and curled his fingers around her own. Despite the enormous amount of worry she was harbouring, she could feel her face flooding with heat again and tried to blink the flood of tears away, suddenly feeling worlds of self-consciousness. The way he was looking at her! ❝... Bryan ... ?❞
I thought the last day was the 18th? o:
I make them! Maybe I just have cute tastes in characters ... : P
『WEATHER』 SNOWING, COLD 26°! ✖『DATE & TIME』 12/26/2015 - ???✖『DAY』 05 She was almost sure he was going to reject her! He'd probably come up with some excuse - like he was busy, or heading to bed soon [ well maybe that wouldn't have been a lie, he was half naked ] ... Anything to prevent them from being too close for too long. Their mom wasn't home quite yet but she would be soon, and even though baking cookies was such an innocent task, it was sure to go over terribly if they were caught. At least in the long run. Sigh. Just as she was about to retract the offer and run back to her room for some quality journal writing and probably an emotional breakdown, he spoke. ❝That sounds great. And . . . Don't worry about that other stuff. It's okay, really.❞ Noëlle felt a deep sense of relief wash over her, believing and trusting in his words 1000%. At least for tonight. The chemically redhead leaned and arched her back against the pale vanilla wall of the hallway and waited patiently while Bryan grabbed a white shirt from off of his chair and closed his bedroom door. He took her hand in his and with a delicate squeeze from her own fingers, they were off to the kitchen [ with her nearly stumbling through behind him ]. It would be a lie to say she felt completely comfortable being alone in such an intimate setting with Bryan. It would take a while to repair what had broken between them, she thought, and the possibility of tonight becoming just another blurry memory they shared in some faraway past loomed darkly overhead. Bryan, on the other hand, seemed as easy going and cheerful as he always had. His explosively bright energy made her feel a bit more calm - even happy, and the young woman was practically beaming by the time he was through checking out the kitchen. He turned back to her with the white shirt from earlier slid over his torso [ darn! ] and laughed. ❝Already ready to go!❞ She nodded enthusiastically. With no more time to waste they began their cookie making, which ended up being a lot more fun than Noëlle could have ever predicted. The tension between them melted away as time moved forward and they became completely absorbed in their Christmas activity. When they reached the point of cookie cutting, the kitchen was a bit of a mess. Scattered bits of dough and flour coated the counter [ and a bit of the floor ], powdered sugar and frostings decorated their cheeks after a bit of playful face painting ... How long had it been? Bryan must have been wondering the same thing, given what he said next. ❝Man, it's been a while . . .❞ She watched as he cut open a bag of chocolate chips and doused some dough in brown sugar and cinnamon. She smiled at him, though he wasn't looking at her, and after just a few moments of quiet admiration and contentment, she went back to cutting the remainder of the currently rolled out dough into stars and Christmas trees. ❝I miss this.❞ Her face flooded with heat, despite the calmness of her heart, and her stomach proceeded to do several backflips. ❝Me too,❞ she murmured softly, squishing a bit of discarded dough between her fingers in thought. Bryan set a kettle on the stove for tea and rolled out the new batch of dough for more cookies. She helped clear the counter a bit by discarding some of their earlier messes and sliding the previously cut cookies into the oven to bake. ❝Maybe it's not as bad as we're making it out to be ...❞ He said it so quietly that she wasn't sure if she was imagining it at first and turned to look at him. Were they ever making it out to be so bad? It was other people, not them. Others were made uncomfortable by their closeness, and decided to try and distance them from one another. She couldn't imagine Bryan's ... friend, supporting their relationship and it was clear no one in the family did. Even Joey had given them a few looks at times. A lump grew in her throat and she swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from building up and overflowing. It wasn't working. Why did they have to be born siblings? Why was it so wrong for them to be more? It was no one else's business! Her fingers trembled and she willed herself to calm down again. Deciding she needed a distraction, she wiped her face with her arm and stepped away from the oven. Noëlle reached into one of the cupboards to grab a couple of teacups and saucers, placing them down on a medium-sized black table nestled into the corner of the kitchen and right before the glass door leading out to their backyard. At first she had wanted to go sit on the porch out front with him, but the idea of watching their mother arrive home and walk past them into the house didn't sit well with her. It was cold outside, but the freshly baked cookies and hot tea may have been enough to keep them from freezing to death ... maybe. The backyard was the better option, if he would even be up for it. Maybe it was going too far. She just didn't want to be in the house when Ms. Chambers arrived. At least for the rest of the night, she wanted to enjoy her time with Bryan without that woman's judgement. Aah, maybe being so bitter about it wasn't the best approach. Their mother was only concerned, after all, and Noëlle would be crushed if anything ever happened to her. Once the kettle was whistling, she began to take the teabags Bryan gathered and put them into the kettle directly to steep. Honey, sugar, milk and cream were all gathered up. She would make the tea in the kettle so that they could refill easily, and bring it outside with them - if he agreed to go. She hoped he would ... After the tea was finished being made, she returned to the oven to help him with their next batch and soon the kitchen table was filled with plates of all sorts of cookies - most of them simple creations and a few dishes filled with silly batches and a some failures. Nevertheless, she was so proud she took a picture! It hadn't been a mistake to suggest this after all. Hopefully the next part would go just as smoothly ... With a deep, courage-gathering breath, she spoke. ❝Bryan,❞ her voice was much steadier from her earlier invitation, but the need to fidget hadn't quite been extinguished. It was just so nerve wracking! The worst he could say was 'no', but that one word would be enough to completely break her heart. Everything between them was so fragile ... ❝What do you think about taking some of these outside? We could set up the tent and spend the rest of Christmas together. You know, before mom gets home and pries us apart, haha ... ❞ There was a bit of comfortable silence and she gave him some room to think about it, closing her eyes and breathing in the sweet aroma of their Christmas cookies. It's okay, Noëlle ... Calm down ... The worst he can say is ... ❝Mom, she ... It's not her business today. Besides, it's Christmas, so we can do what we want without getting in trouble. Spending time with family, y'know? Haha ... Yeah, I like that idea, let's do it!❞ Aaaaah! He said yes! She could have jumped up and down with all of the relief and bliss she felt swirling up within her. Her heart swelled and she nodded, the excitement clear on her face. ❝Alright, you go get the tent ready - you're better at that - and I'll go grab some blankets!❞ It had only been a couple of years but it felt like a literal eternity since she had been so happy. The loneliness was nowhere to be found - as if it had been driven away forever, and there was a melodic pep in her step that had practically vanished before. In fact, on her way back to the tent with their tea, she felt capable of composing HUNDREDS of songs for her winter project! What a rut she had been in before! The snow bit at her exposed ankles and face, but once she re-entered the tent, warmth flooded her system. ❝I'm back. ~❞ Bryan was already here, and they sat across from each other with a plate of cookies between them and a bundle of blankets gathered underneath them. Bryan had found an old portable heater of their father's and set it up for them, so even with a few feet of snow under the tent, they could stay nice and toasty. A couple of propped up flashlights were their only constant sources of light. For entertainment they had brought out some playing cards, Uno and a laptop that could still connect to their house's wifi for movies and music. Noëlle hummed quietly to herself, browsing for something they could watch together while she nibbled a cookie and tilted her head from side to side to her improvised melody. She could feel the warmth of his body beside hers and all was right in the world. Bryan was undoubtedly the only person in her entire universe who could make her feel so great and at peace with everything. Without him, the world was a terrible and annoying and ... well, pointless place. Maybe it was unhealthy, but without Bryan in her life she felt she had no reason to do much of anything. Something too great was missing, without him, and living became a mechanical and emotionally void function. She needed him in her life. She wanted to always be by his side - always.
She was almost sure he was going to reject her! He'd probably come up with some excuse - like he was busy, or heading to bed soon [ well maybe that wouldn't have been a lie, he was half naked ] ... Anything to prevent them from being too close for too long. Their mom wasn't home quite yet but she would be soon, and even though baking cookies was such an innocent task, it was sure to go over terribly if they were caught. At least in the long run. Sigh. Just as she was about to retract the offer and run back to her room for some quality journal writing and probably an emotional breakdown, he spoke. ❝That sounds great. And . . . Don't worry about that other stuff. It's okay, really.❞ Noëlle felt a deep sense of relief wash over her, believing and trusting in his words 1000%. At least for tonight. The chemically redhead leaned and arched her back against the pale vanilla wall of the hallway and waited patiently while Bryan grabbed a white shirt from off of his chair and closed his bedroom door. He took her hand in his and with a delicate squeeze from her own fingers, they were off to the kitchen [ with her nearly stumbling through behind him ]. It would be a lie to say she felt completely comfortable being alone in such an intimate setting with Bryan. It would take a while to repair what had broken between them, she thought, and the possibility of tonight becoming just another blurry memory they shared in some faraway past loomed darkly overhead. Bryan, on the other hand, seemed as easy going and cheerful as he always had. His explosively bright energy made her feel a bit more calm - even happy, and the young woman was practically beaming by the time he was through checking out the kitchen. He turned back to her with the white shirt from earlier slid over his torso [ darn! ] and laughed. ❝Already ready to go!❞ She nodded enthusiastically. With no more time to waste they began their cookie making, which ended up being a lot more fun than Noëlle could have ever predicted. The tension between them melted away as time moved forward and they became completely absorbed in their Christmas activity. When they reached the point of cookie cutting, the kitchen was a bit of a mess. Scattered bits of dough and flour coated the counter [ and a bit of the floor ], powdered sugar and frostings decorated their cheeks after a bit of playful face painting ... How long had it been? Bryan must have been wondering the same thing, given what he said next. ❝Man, it's been a while . . .❞ She watched as he cut open a bag of chocolate chips and doused some dough in brown sugar and cinnamon. She smiled at him, though he wasn't looking at her, and after just a few moments of quiet admiration and contentment, she went back to cutting the remainder of the currently rolled out dough into stars and Christmas trees. ❝I miss this.❞ Her face flooded with heat, despite the calmness of her heart, and her stomach proceeded to do several backflips. ❝Me too,❞ she murmured softly, squishing a bit of discarded dough between her fingers in thought. Bryan set a kettle on the stove for tea and rolled out the new batch of dough for more cookies. She helped clear the counter a bit by discarding some of their earlier messes and sliding the previously cut cookies into the oven to bake. ❝Maybe it's not as bad as we're making it out to be ...❞ He said it so quietly that she wasn't sure if she was imagining it at first and turned to look at him. Were they ever making it out to be so bad? It was other people, not them. Others were made uncomfortable by their closeness, and decided to try and distance them from one another. She couldn't imagine Bryan's ... friend, supporting their relationship and it was clear no one in the family did. Even Joey had given them a few looks at times. A lump grew in her throat and she swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from building up and overflowing. It wasn't working. Why did they have to be born siblings? Why was it so wrong for them to be more? It was no one else's business! Her fingers trembled and she willed herself to calm down again. Deciding she needed a distraction, she wiped her face with her arm and stepped away from the oven. Noëlle reached into one of the cupboards to grab a couple of teacups and saucers, placing them down on a medium-sized black table nestled into the corner of the kitchen and right before the glass door leading out to their backyard. At first she had wanted to go sit on the porch out front with him, but the idea of watching their mother arrive home and walk past them into the house didn't sit well with her. It was cold outside, but the freshly baked cookies and hot tea may have been enough to keep them from freezing to death ... maybe. The backyard was the better option, if he would even be up for it. Maybe it was going too far. She just didn't want to be in the house when Ms. Chambers arrived. At least for the rest of the night, she wanted to enjoy her time with Bryan without that woman's judgement. Aah, maybe being so bitter about it wasn't the best approach. Their mother was only concerned, after all, and Noëlle would be crushed if anything ever happened to her. Once the kettle was whistling, she began to take the teabags Bryan gathered and put them into the kettle directly to steep. Honey, sugar, milk and cream were all gathered up. She would make the tea in the kettle so that they could refill easily, and bring it outside with them - if he agreed to go. She hoped he would ... After the tea was finished being made, she returned to the oven to help him with their next batch and soon the kitchen table was filled with plates of all sorts of cookies - most of them simple creations and a few dishes filled with silly batches and a some failures. Nevertheless, she was so proud she took a picture! It hadn't been a mistake to suggest this after all. Hopefully the next part would go just as smoothly ... With a deep, courage-gathering breath, she spoke. ❝Bryan,❞ her voice was much steadier from her earlier invitation, but the need to fidget hadn't quite been extinguished. It was just so nerve wracking! The worst he could say was 'no', but that one word would be enough to completely break her heart. Everything between them was so fragile ... ❝What do you think about taking some of these outside? We could set up the tent and spend the rest of Christmas together. You know, before mom gets home and pries us apart, haha ... ❞ There was a bit of comfortable silence and she gave him some room to think about it, closing her eyes and breathing in the sweet aroma of their Christmas cookies. It's okay, Noëlle ... Calm down ... The worst he can say is ... ❝Mom, she ... It's not her business today. Besides, it's Christmas, so we can do what we want without getting in trouble. Spending time with family, y'know? Haha ... Yeah, I like that idea, let's do it!❞ Aaaaah! He said yes! She could have jumped up and down with all of the relief and bliss she felt swirling up within her. Her heart swelled and she nodded, the excitement clear on her face. ❝Alright, you go get the tent ready - you're better at that - and I'll go grab some blankets!❞
omfg when did it become saturday. I'M SORRY. afjioajihaiohioaw I legitimately lost track of the days. Lemme know when you're free again!! I'm sorry!
『WEATHER』 SNOWING, COLD 26°! ✖『DATE & TIME』 12/26/2015 - ???✖『DAY』 05 ❝Noëlle?❞ Noëlle's shoulders tensed. She should have kept walking, she thought. Seeing Bryan pull up had been agonizing and if it weren't for the unbearable cold, she would have let stubbornness keep her out there. He may have fought her on it, but she wouldn't have gone down without some kind of argument! He was one of the last people she wanted to see. Well, that she felt ... comfortable seeing. He made her feel shameful and guilty for trying to go for it alone. She felt bad, for him having to drive them home. For him having to leave the party. She didn't want him to know! They were supposed to keep their lives separate now, for the most part, minus the emailing. It was so hard to do that when she was constantly burdening him with worry. Bryan had leaned closer out of the window and she felt her face flushing, not sure if it was the warmth of the cigarette or his eyes being locked on her. ❝It's cold as heck out here, you shouldn't have gone off alone . . . I'm sorry for — . . .❞ A breath hitched in her throat, wide turquoise eyes boring into his. What was he sorry for ...? Maybe leaving her alone all of this time? It was a selfish wish - for him to be sorry about that - but she wanted things so desperately to return to how they once were. Bryan seemed conflicted for a moment. ❝Sorry,❞ he mumbled. Then, he leaned over and opened the passenger's door for her. How disappointing! Noëlle somewhat defiantly, somewhat nervously took another suck of her cigarette before putting it out with the heel of her shoe and blowing out the smoke. She climbed into the car and buckled up, closing her eyes as if she were tired as an excuse not to converse with her brother for the duration of the trip. ♥ They arrived back home after a quiet drive through the beautiful snowy streets of Candlewood and went straight to their rooms. She put on a pot of cranberry tea about ten minutes later, and when it was done, went to her bathroom for a nice, relaxing soak. The tea soothed her scratchy throat, and the steaming hot water of the bath melted her tense muscles. When the bath and tea were finished, she dressed into something warm and crawled into bed. Winter break would be coming to an end, now. She really had to dedicate some time to her project but ... The music just wasn't coming the way it used to. She was thinking too much, she could tell. Trying too hard to reach her own expectations and the expectations of the ones she cared for. It would help to visit Professor Julius and consult him again, she thought, but he hadn't even answered her phone call. Maybe she was getting on his nerves ... It seemed like that was all she did anymore. Annoy people. ❝Aah ...!❞ Her face was buried into the plush of her pillow and her body twisted so that she was laying on her stomach. When had she become so defeatist?! This wasn't the determined, bubbly girl she used to be. Something somewhere went wrong ... It made sense, when she really thought about it. Since when did she ever really think a relationship with Bryan would go simply? Even if he did ever reciprocate her feelings, they would need to be hush-hush about it and distant in public ... It was never going to be sunshine and rainbows. When had she given up on the possibility of even that? Her heart drummed in her chest and she moaned exasperatedly into the pillow case against her lips. ❝I haven't really given up, if I bought that so-called love potion,❞ her voice was muffled and muted against the warm fabric. It smelled a bit like tobacco and she felt kind of ashamed for a moment and pulled it away from her face. ❝That's it.❞ Tenderly, she peeled her blankets away and stepped down onto the warm, carpeted floor of her bedroom. Her breathing was slow and steady, muscles still relaxed from her earlier tea and bath. She maneuvered in the darkness and her door, pulling it open and letting the glow of the Christmas tree fill her bedroom. It was still the 25th, wasn't it? Tonight wasn't over yet! As Noëlle tiptoed out into her living room and into the dimly lit kitchen, she started to mull over other things. For instance, the fact that Bryan came to get her ... It was okay if they didn't spend time together at the party. It was okay if they were virtually pen-pals now. He came for her - that's what mattered. He must have been worried. He still cared about her ... She couldn't let the loneliness get the best of her. Noëlle Chambers was no quitter ... ! ... She exhaled calmly. Trying to engrave such a mentality into her person was difficult. It was hard to tell if she really believed in herself or if she was just trying to for the sake of moving forward without collapsing into despair. What would she ever do without Bryan? She needed him ... Nibbling on her bottom lip, she slid her index finger against the black control panel of the Chambers' oven, setting the temperature to 375°. When it began to preheat, the strawberry-haired nineteen-year-old began to gather bowls, large spoons, a hand-mixer, and an assortment of festive ingredients. Once the heavy family cookbook their grandmother had given Ms. Chambers years ago was set up on the counter, she stepped away from the kitchen with a satisfied sigh. Her nerves shot up higher and higher with each step towards Bryan's room. She passed the twinkling Christmas tree again and made her way through the hall until she found his door. Right when she was about to knock on his door, she hesitated. Was he sleeping ... ? Maybe he wouldn't want to be bothered ... What if he had gone back to the party after dropping her off? That would be embarrassing! Maybe she was just getting ahead of herself again ... Aah, this was all so unfair. Her heart was pounding like crazy! After a bit of pacing through the halls and psyching herself out, she finally gathered the nerve to tap her knuckles against the wood of the door. Just a few seconds later, Bryan opened the door and her heart stopped it's hammering. It stopped beating at all! Aaaaaaah! He smiled awkwardly at her, but didn't say anything. ❝Bryan - ... Well, ❞ her throat felt dry and she curled her toes into the floor nervously. ❝I hope you're not mad about earlier ... I'm sorry I left without saying anything. I was thinking, since we skipped out on the party early, maybe we could ... Bake some Christmas cookies together before the night is done? ❞ She tried to sound confident but was failing miserably.
Noëlle's shoulders tensed. She should have kept walking, she thought. Seeing Bryan pull up had been agonizing and if it weren't for the unbearable cold, she would have let stubbornness keep her out there. He may have fought her on it, but she wouldn't have gone down without some kind of argument! He was one of the last people she wanted to see. Well, that she felt ... comfortable seeing. He made her feel shameful and guilty for trying to go for it alone. She felt bad, for him having to drive them home. For him having to leave the party. She didn't want him to know! They were supposed to keep their lives separate now, for the most part, minus the emailing. It was so hard to do that when she was constantly burdening him with worry. Bryan had leaned closer out of the window and she felt her face flushing, not sure if it was the warmth of the cigarette or his eyes being locked on her. ❝It's cold as heck out here, you shouldn't have gone off alone . . . I'm sorry for — . . .❞ A breath hitched in her throat, wide turquoise eyes boring into his. What was he sorry for ...? Maybe leaving her alone all of this time? It was a selfish wish - for him to be sorry about that - but she wanted things so desperately to return to how they once were. Bryan seemed conflicted for a moment. ❝Sorry,❞ he mumbled. Then, he leaned over and opened the passenger's door for her. How disappointing! Noëlle somewhat defiantly, somewhat nervously took another suck of her cigarette before putting it out with the heel of her shoe and blowing out the smoke. She climbed into the car and buckled up, closing her eyes as if she were tired as an excuse not to converse with her brother for the duration of the trip.
Accepted, thanks for joining! #Weebslang
『WEATHER』 SNOWING, COLD 26°! ✖『DATE & TIME』 12/26/2015 - ??? ✖『DAY』 05 Ver. 2 Noëlle was unhappy. She didn't much like the thought of getting drunk around these people, nor did she like the idea of getting into a pool, indoor or not, in twenty degree weather, or engaging in sexual intercourse with any of the available guests. Fatigue and hunger consumed her more than anything, and she found herself sipping on a soda and eating snacks somewhere on the first floor. She wanted to go home. It was late, Christmas had dragged on forever, and there was nothing she felt like doing here. Most of the night was spent occasionally smiling at people she knew, who passed her, and being as socially evasive as possible, without coming across as a total prude. It was funny to her, though, how easily people just kind of ... indulged. She wasn't sure if anyone had had sex yet, but throw a bunch of young adults and teenagers into a house with no responsible supervision and some risque activities and watch 'em go nuts, she guessed. It wasn't everyone, but it was enough to be really annoying, and just the thought of such sheep mentality irritated her! That's what she told herself, at least. The play had gone on without a hitch and she had attended the after-party with full intent on enjoying herself. Somehow, though, that just ... didn't happen. Maybe in the beginning she hadn't been in such a bitter mood, but the night dragged on and her eyes got heavier and heavier, she found herself basically soaking in a self-created storm of negativity; brooding over everything that was wrong in her life and with the world. She was lonely. When her sixth soda was finished, she picked herself up and started on a search for the bathroom. After that she would go find Bryan and ask when he wanted to leave, assuming they'd go together ... On second thought, maybe she'd just try to get home herself. It was snowing. Sure, it wasn't Christmas anymore, but it was still pretty scenic. Blurry white orbs of frozen rain drifting down sleepily from a mask of bloated white clouds. The warm glow of the streetlamps gave a beautiful shimmer to the thinly blanketed streets and sidewalks, and the sound of ice crunching underneath her boots brought her measurable reassurance. Honestly, she had no idea where she was going at first. Her legs were cold under the thin stretch of nylon, and her arms were absorbing warmth from her chest, crossed, folded and tucked under her shoulders. She walked for a long while before the streets became familiar to her again, but even then, she would have a long while to go before she reached home. Either the buses would start running again before she made it, or a taxi would pass by. [ She wished for the latter ]. Candlewood wasn't a particularly dangerous town, but it had been hardwired into her brain that walking alone in the dead of the night, as a woman, was always a bad idea. Somehow she just couldn't be bothered to initially give a shit. If something happened, it happened. How irresponsible of me. At least I'm not drunk, too. It didn't matter though. All this proved to her was that she needed a job, and a car of her own. Or a boyfriend. Or a friend. Time alone had been nice, but now she was just cold and homesick. She thought back to the party and wondered what Bryan was up to. Had he drank? It would have been interesting, she thought, to see him drunk. Something she might have taken advantage of a year or two ago. A bench came into view and she used one of her pale hands to sweep a bit of snow away, plopping down and drawing her phone out from her handbag. There were a couple of people she could usually turn to in situations like these. Bryan had fallen off of that list not too long ago, [ her mother had done the same a while back ], but Joey and Julius were still there. Julius had been called first. He hadn't shown up to the party, and that was disappointing, but he generally answered her calls and messages as promptly as possible. That, and he would ask less questions than Joey would. When he didn't answer, worry was pushed aside, and Joey was called. ❝Mmn ... Y'ello?❞ His voice was gruff and beyond groggy sounding. Thick and slurry ... ❝Are you drunk?❞ It wasn't as much of a question as a blandly toned statement. He was useless if he was drunk. ❝What are you ... tal--king ...? What do you need? Is everything okay?❞ The pause was enough indication. Unless he was just drunk on sleep deprivation. She sighed exasperated a bit immaturely into the phone. Useless, useless, useless ... ❝Nothing, Joey. Go back to sleep. Sorry!❞ She hung up the phone immediately after, and hoped he wouldn't call back. Well, fine. She would sit out here for a bit, and then go back to walking. Maybe that taxi would stroll by ... or Julius would call her back. Or something ... Someone. In the meantime, a cigarette was drawn and lit.
Again, if you need actual help or would like some advice or a place to vent seriously please considering posting this in the Help With Life section. Posting it here is likely to just stir up trouble, so I've locked it for now.
Xion ... 8'(
I don't need anyone else.
No worries.
