Very nice, although long, I loved it. :) *claps* Although, the dialogue should move more...smoothly, with more detail, more speaking, for instance, instead of: “I’m sure she is fine.” Spitfire said. “I don’t know dude.” xiegin said. “Well she’ll be okay.” Spitfire said. “Well if you think so.” xiegin said. Should be like: “I’m sure she's fine,” Spitfire assured. “I don’t know, dude,” xiegin said, reluctantly. “She’ll be okay,” Spitfire said, more firmer. “Well, if you think so,” xiegin relented. Adjectives, different ways of saying "said" helps...also, at the end of a quotation, it ought to have a comma, unless it's a question mark or an exclamatory. And well, sometimes, the sentences are a bit short, like the above conversation, as it goes back and forth with literally one-line sentences... Also, it's better to use a more...variety of words, such as instead of "looked at him with an angry look," use "stared at him with an angry look"...and try to avoid repeating words too much... Otherwise, you did great and the idea is very original. I can't wait to see what else you'll be able to write. :)
"I'm surprised a school would have something like this...but the maze?" Kara asked, tilting her head up, looking at him.
Pairings don't really confuse me as often, some way, some how, there could be a way for the characters to fall in love - all uncanon of course...but it's not exactly something I would call confusing.
Bye, Chaser, talk to you tomorrow! :glomp:
Turning, Kara tentatively touched a leaf with her finger. "You're right..." she murmured. Looking back at Shou, she remarked, "So then...this is like...inside somewhere?"
Well, like most others pointed out, they probably couldn't waste too much pink coloring for Marluxia...or maybe, just maybe, it's pink, but really, really dark, with a tinge of brown! :D Okay, but seriously, it's probably a dark shade of puce, or possible dark chestnut-red (which is somewhat close to pink). Does this list of color shades help?
I think you missed what he said...?
Looking at Shou, Kara tilted her head to the right slightly. "Something wrong?"
Sure: http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w146/TriggerHappy******1/FamilySnapShot.jpg And thank you! :glomp:
It could be anything really. lol From steak to a salad to spaghetti to coconuts to soup to enchiladas to ducks to turkeys and to full 10-course meals. :D
Hearing Shou's words, Kara slowed to a stop. Turning around to face him, she remarked, "Think we're in the garden or a backyard or something?"
Oh, Chaser, I'm just curious, but what do you think of the banner I made for our family? Like do you have any tips on how to improve it...?
"Well, because I don't know what's out there, I want to explore it!" Kara exclaimed. "And well, we'll just tell them that we tried to find the office, got lost, and ended up in this crazy place!"
Wow...that looks awesome...you do a great job like always, Chaser!
"Don't be so pessimistic, Shou!" Kara exclaimed, as she turned, walking over to him. "Just lighten up, have some fun, and explore!" Reaching out, she took his arm, and briskly turned, beginning to dash further into the landscape.
Hm...I suppose for me it'd be...Christmas too...often, I love to help my mom make the desserts and other sweets for our family...
"Oh, those are all 'what-if's," Kara remarked, waving her hand nonchalantly. "I'm sure we'll be fine. Besides, if all else fails, we'll just head back the way we came!"
Yeah it is...though I'm getting rid of the gamecube system, and I've asked my parents to get the wii as a combination of my birthday and Christmas gift... Speaking of which, what's everyone's favorite holiday?
Looking over her shoulder, Kara shrugged. "I don't know...if we head back, we'd probably end up back in that maze again..." She turned, gazing about at the beautiful scenery once more. "Besides, this place looks wonderful...we ought to explore!"
I bet Tikal won't be in it though...I haven't seen in her since Sonic DX and Sonic Adventure 2's 2-player mode... And I really can't wait for the Brawl...I just hope I'll be able to get the wii!
