"According to my sister, you were always yelling and screaming at her class because the students in there were tough to deal with, and you even screamed at me once, and I'm still not sure why. My sister came home crying sometimes about you yelling at her class, and that's the majority of what made me bitter toward you. Maybe I'm wrong, please tell me she was just being dramatic, because I don't like it when I dislike someone without speaking to them about it first. I'm sorry, but I just don't think yelling is a good way to teach anyone, and I would say this directly to you, but I don't go to that school anymore." What did I just do?
I've just, there was a guy, back when I was in high school, and the moment I saw him, I felt a strange connection, but also the feeling that I needed to help him with something, but I didn't know what really. I couldn't even stand him, he was obnoxious, and snotty, stubborn, rude, and worst, cruel. Then I saw another side of him as I got to know him more through choir, and he was actually really troubled with stuff, he had no father, and his mother was nice, but she wasn't sensitive toward him as a person, or a son, and I could feel how sad he was, but as I got to know him more and more, and he turned really cool in my eyes, and I thought he could actually be a good person. One night I invited him to my dad's house, and he kissed me out of nowhere and said that he'd wanted to do that for a really long time. I told him that I thought he was really cool. It was terrible, and awkward and adorable the way he kissed me, and I was mostly amused at first, then I was charmed, then after weeks, and more goings-on between us, I started to fall for him. He was probably the first boy I ever fell in love with. I've been with people, but I've never loved anyone like I loved him. I just wanted to be with him, but protect him at the same time, and he made me so happy to be around. Over the summer we pretty much had a summer fling type relationship, and it's still, looking back on it, one of the best summers of my life. School started and things changed. He still kissed me, he still stayed with me, but he... he was different, more aloof, he didn't speak to me anymore, unless he just wanted to make a crude crack about my breasts or body, and it hurt, it hurt really bad. He broke up with me, and I'm ashamed to say that I waited until he broke up with me out of nowhere to tell him how I felt about him, and how happy the summer made me. After that, we didn't speak for weeks, then before a choir concert, where I had to sing a duet with him, he told me I looked sad, and kissed me for the first time since we'd been together. I asked him what that meant, and he told me that I looked sad and he did it to cheer me up. After that I became so happy, thinking he must be wanting to get back together with me. We sang, and it was great, and I tried to talk to him after the concert, and he just, he kissed me again, and then crushed my heart into tiny mashed gumps, saying that he wasn't interested in me, or dating me again, then he kissed me again. I started crying and backed away from him, and all he could say was, "What's wrong?" as if he was completely oblivious. I let him do this to me for far too long before I forced myself to stay away from him after he asked me all the time to just come over and have sex with him, and it just hurt me, and destroyed me on the inside. Every time he would kiss me, I would think, oh god, he must still care about me. He didn't though, and then he started dating this girl Maddi, and just, that was it. I couldn't be near him, or see him, or even be in choir anymore because of him. I asked him, months later, why he did what he did to me, and he told me, "I wanted to know if I could hurt someone." My heart is still hurting, not over him, but over this situation, because, I just... I've never been able to be affectionate toward a guy ever again after that. I need help, and I don't know how to fix it, or stop being scarred by the situation. Did anyone read my story? In the writer's nook? I wrote that short story about the exact situation where he started dating Maddi. I'm over that now, but it really shows how in love with him I was, and he hurt me so badly, and I don't know how to get over it. How would I? Where should I start? I'm so tired of being closed-minded when it comes to males. I don't want to be, it's just not the first time a stupid boy has hurt me, but it was the most horrifying, and painful.
And now I found a flea on me ew ew ew ewe ewewewewwewww
Are so expensive. I want a tongue piercing, and a labret, but work. The tongue piercing wouldn't be a problem, but the labret would. I dunno why I'm talking about piercings, but piercings.
http://breadfish.de/ Swimming in the ocean waters
So, there's this new pop punk band from Chicago that my friend Mike got me into. They don't have many songs, and they're pretty new, but I think they're great. My favorite song by them is Floorboards [video=youtube;YC2EeVIaFaU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC2EeVIaFaU[/video] What do you guys think?
I'm excited, i don't even own a 3DS but I couldn't resist. I just realized I don't even know what it's called either, and I can't be arsed to look it up.
From sirmitchell I cannot wait to wear it. I am probably too excited about this, but it is awesome beyond awesome
I get so much amusement out of anonymously posting awkward things in people's ask boxes.
Thank gods they have wifi, amirite?
I hate Fall Out Boy, I really do But I love them and I can't stop But I hate them And hate Pete Wentz But I love them Oh god help me
Just thought you guys should know this, since I'm going to actually be posting here now. More often at least. Yeah. People always think I'm a guy. How odd.
(III) Okay, Square REALLY needs to remake this game. Am I right or am I right? I mean, it was only the best Final Fantasy game. All of the others after were mediocre at best in comparison.
I looked down at my hands as they shook, anxiety like venom running through my veins. I looked up again to see Chris, the love of my life, my sweet prince, everything good in my world, kissing her; Maddi, a sweet, petite girl that walked around with sunshine on her shoulders. They were so perfect together, sunshine and my sweet prince. They belonged together, like potatoes and butter; no, more saintly, like a modernized Romeo and Juliet, minus the terrible, foreshadowed tragedy. Chris looked at me, his deep brown eyes full of sadness. He pitied me, I could see this clearly, but I didn’t know what to say. Even Maddi felt terrible. They both knew how I felt, however, I had no resentment towards either of them. Chris, well, I love him far too much to be angry with him. Even when he broke my heart in two, rubbing the remains in my face, I couldn’t be mad at him, and Maddi, she didn’t agree to date him out of spite. In fact, she considered me before saying yes. I sat, watching them, so happy, wishing I could have the same happiness. My lip quivered at the thought, and I imagined myself there, under my sweet prince’s arm, and I fought back tears, knowing it would never happen again, and feeling guilty at the thought. I didn’t want then to separate, that wouldn’t make me happier. I just wish he had chosen me. He wouldn’t have chosen me though. I don’t have Maddi’s pretty dark golden locks, or her light brown freckles, sprayed heavily across her nose, or her small, perfect body. Instead, I have random freckles, I weigh almost two-hundred pounds, and my hair is short and choppy. Why would my sweet prince want that? I couldn’t even love myself, why would he love me? I looked into his eyes and smiled, acting as if nothing was wrong, masking everything in my face, but I knew he could still see the pain in my eyes. I left it there on purpose. That’s the selfish, ugly, twisted side of me I suppose. I still wanted them to see how much they hurt me. I didn’t want them to forget just yet. Sunshine and my sweet prince smiled back at me, pretending they didn’t notice the sadness, but I could see it reflected in their own eyes, their hearts aching for me as well, before they turned back to each other, their smiles turning more genuine as I waited for the lunch bell to ring. They loved me, they really did, but how much longer would they deal with me before they grew tired of it? All of these thoughts consumed me as I waited for my next class, iPod headphones in my ears, volume turned up as high as it could go. Even at max volume, the iPod wasn’t loud enough to block out my thoughts, and I shed a tear at the aspect of it. I didn’t want to spend every day like this, but I had no choice. It was sit with friends that love and care about me, or sit alone. No matter how much it hurt, I couldn’t sit anywhere else, for I love Chris and Maddi too, and I didn’t want to leave them. The bell rang then, and grateful, I got up quickly and walked to my next class, desperately wishing for the day to be over. Foolish as it may have been, I had never loved someone as much as I loved my sweet prince. He’s the only one who makes me laugh or even smile anymore. I just wish he understood the extent of my feelings for him, I wish he loved me like he loves his sunshine. Our past doesn’t even matter to him, but I cherished the memories that I had left. I won’t ever forget what we once had. I sank into my computer chair for my post-lunch course, and sighed, wishing this year could just be over. -------------------------------------------- Just something I wrote last year. Critique?
Has had the same thing on it since 2009. Total Drama Island DVD box set. But I haven't gotten it Maybe because I'm 23 years old and still like cartoons
Okay! So, This band, I've been listening to them almost as long as I've been listening to blink-182. Pop punk has been the genre of my life since I was a small child, and honestly, New Found Glory has had one of the biggest influences on my music taste, and my life in general. It's weird when I think that they've almost been around for twenty years. I feel old, I've been listening to them since I was 6. ****'s crazy. I saw them with Blink at Warped Tour in 2000. Anyway, My favorite album is Nothing Gold Can Stay, with my favorite Song being Hit or Miss. I know, it's one of their singles, but it's my favorite song anyway. Do you guys like them? What's your favorite album?
Pretty girl, pretty girl She's stopping by my house to say hi to me, that counts as a date right?
I feel like I'm going to be stuck here forever, get married to my highschool sweetheart that I don't even love, and end up living in a one-bedroom apartment with a minimum wage job here in the suburbs, I can't do it, I can't live like that, and I hate my job, I just moved into my friend's house because my mom kicked me out, and I can't do this. I'm only eighteen. I don't want to be here anymore, and all I see is how bad everything is. I can't see the good in the situation. I only earn $400 a month(if I get the hours), and all of that goes toward rent here at my friend's house, my cat, my lizard that eats at least $80 worth of crickets and worms a month, and groceries, and I have no money left over to even be able to save up more than about $10 a week to try and get myself away from here. I'm tempted to just take all my money, and get the hell out of here. I can't handle it anymore. Also, I used to take anti-depressants, but I had to stop taking them because they would make me numb, and then cause severe panic attacks and insomnia, and I want to take them, but they just made me worse, I've tried Zoloft, Prozac, and two other types that I don't remember, as well as anti-anxiety meds like Buspar. I've been taking them since I was thirteen, and I had to stop because I wasn't myself anymore, but I've been feeling so much better off of them until now, and now I just want to get out of this town. I don't have a dad, he left a long time ago and only shows up when he invites my sis and I to another of his weddings, and my mom doesn't want me living in her house anymore because I "take up too much space" that my sister and her cheerleader friends could be using. My stepdad just makes fun of me anyway when I'm home, and I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore, but I just have so many problems, and I can't take it anymore, I'm tempted to just fill up my tank and drive, and not stop. I hate my job, I want to quit, but I can't because I need money, and God, I just, I don't want to be here. I sound like a child, just wanting to get up and run away , because it's just going to be tough wherever I go. Nothing is going to be easy, ever, and yet I just want to keep getting up any moving. I need to get my GED. I dropped out of High school last year because of bullying and boredom. I literally would sit there(in upper level classes), and know more than half the things the teacher would be teaching us, and I got so bored that I just stopped trying, and I'm not sure why, I just got tired of that too. I'm dumb, I'm a child, and I'm dumb, and I'm bad at life, and I make stupid decisions, but I just hate everything and everyone here, and I don't want to be here anymore. I've gotten all the advice in the world on how to fix myself, and make myself better, but I have no will to act on it. I love helping people though, I'll literally stop and go out of my way to help people that I think need it, even at school I would stand up for people getting bullied, I don't know what that had to do with anything, I just felt like saying it. I've always wanted to be a musician though. I sing, I write songs, but I have no musical skill when it comes to instruments. I've tried to learn guitar, bass, bass guitar, clarinet, trumpet, and piano, and I can't do more than get the basics down. I feel like a failure. I was too depressed to get through high school, I can't learn an instrument, I can't get a job I like, and I can't seem to accept it when I tell myself that I need to settle for things I don't like to get to the good things, but I've tried, and I'm pathetic, and no matter what I say to myself, I can't find the will to react to my own pep talks. I can't take my parents seriously either when they try to talk to me, because my dad is a jerk that ruined my family, and my mom married a man that mentally and emotionally abuses me, then makes fun of me when I try and talk to him about it. I don't know what to do.
True care truth brings
