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I've been trying to decide whether or not to post this thread. My mouse has hovered over the 'submit' button for about 5 or so minutes now.. I know people have bigger problems, but this is really starting to affect my life and it's being going on for too long now.. over a year, in fact. A few people know that my cat, Nermal, went missing last year and never returned despite my attempts to find him. I littered my surrounding area with posters and searched for him every night for over a week; despite having college the next day, I would stay out until all hours of the morning calling out for him.

I can't help but feel responsible for his disappearance, or at least that it could have been prevented. In the days before he went, he was supposed to be on medication, which I tried fruitlessly to make him take but he was a stubborn kitty, leading me to become quite frustrated with him at times. Also, one of my theories as to why he never came back is that we had recently moved to a new house. We waited about a week to let him out, to be sure he knew where to return to.. maybe we should have waited longer. I don't think he liked the new house or the new neighbourhood very much, in fact he seemed quite miserable. :c

The reason why we had to move in the first place is because my Mam split up with her boyfriend, who we used to live with. Just before we moved, my Mam and her ex would argue constantly and it was a pretty terrible atmosphere. I'd usually just hide away somewhere, but Nermal would always be there to keep me company.

He was the best cat ever. He was affectionate and soft and would sit with me while I was on my laptop and sleep in my arms often. At the same time, I'd feel safe when he stood over me as I lay in bed, as if he was making sure I was okay. I realise I'm starting to sound silly

I still remember the day he went missing. The anxiety I felt when he hadn't been seen for 24 hours. We had a few people call us with information, but they all lead to dead ends. One lady was sure that she recognised him from our posters so we went to her house and she presented us with a cat that looked nothing like him. That was heartbreaking as I was sure it was going to be him this time, but my hopes were dashed. Not long after Nermal vanished, so did my Mam's cat, Toulouse, which has lead her to believe that someone has stolen both of them and that they are safe under someone else's care. I don't know if she just told herself that to make herself (and me) feel better, though.

Over one year later and I still have dreams about him coming home, still think that he might be waiting by the door to come in one day. I still feel the same amount of grief as I did when I first realised he wasn't coming back any time soon. The worst part is that I have no idea what happened. Did he try to get back to our previous residence and got lost? Did he get into an accident? Was he catnapped? Or did someone hurt him intentionally? I wish I knew. At least then I could have some closure and be able to move on.

Any advice would be appreciated. I was thinking about removing his photo as my display picture on msn recently, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I just miss him so much. Sorry for the wall of text. I don't think I'll ever make another Help with Life thread again. I hate opening up like this, but I just needed to get it out.