Ienzo's thoughts began to clear, leaving him calm and relaxed as he was starting to fall asleep.
"I can only hope that your right..." Ienzo said tiredly as he leaned over against Evan, he closed his eyes after feeling a bit light-headed and faint from crying so hard previously. He felt too stressed now to go back and get any work done, he just wanted to pass out so he wouldn't have to think about Myde anymore.
"It just seems like if I stay the way I am, no one will ever want me..." Ienzo replied sadly, wiping away the tears from his eyes again.
Aww, thats really cute and so sweet. ^_^
Aww, thats sweet. It's a nice poem, I like it. ^_^
Ienzo sat back on the bed, hugging a pillow to himself. "Have you ever thought that we're too logical about things sometimes?" He asked, referring to all the apprentices including him and Evan. "I feel like I let that side of me destory my relationship with Myde... because I just couldn't let my mind believe that I loved him, while I was still confused about how it was possible to love him after he had only just met." Ienzo sighed, still trying to hold back a few tears. "I told myself I wanted to be more carefree, but when I try to, it's so hard. I always feel more comfortable staying in this logical state of mind, it makes me feel safe."
(OOC: Forgive me if I don't know how to quote correctly, I'm trying. *is sooo noob*) "I'm not sure." Ienzo paused. "Could you possibly... just stay for awhile?" He asked, tugging on Evan's arm, urging him to come inside. Ienzo normally liked to deal with his problems alone, not wanting to open up and share his feelings with anyone else. But he had worked along side Evan for most of his life and he trusted him, he knew Evan was the one person who would never lie to or betray him.
"Myde... I think... what I said to him made him leave. It's all my fault!" Ienzo cried. "The strangest thing though... is that I don't exactly feel regret. It hurts so much inside, but I feel a strange satisfaction and relief along with it. I really don't know what to do..."
Ienzo sat up when hearing Evan's voice at the door. He slowly shuffled from the bed to the door, opening it. "...Evan..." He looked up at him after opening the door, his eyes still red from crying so hard, his clothes damp from the tears running down his cheeks and neck.
Ienzo's screaming had died down and he was now sobbing softly. His eyes burned and his throat was dry, but the pain he was feeling in his heart was worse than anything else he had felt before.
Ienzo walked back to his own bedroom this time, standing at the edge of his bed for a few minutes before just throwing himself down onto it. He grabbed a pillow and squeezed it tightly to himself, muffling his screams as he cried. He know knew what regret felt like, and it hurt. But it was what he expected and he was prepared to face it... even if he had to face it alone now.
Ienzo sat there, too shocked and torn apart to say anything... he couldn't even bring himself to cry at that moment. He just slowly rose from his seat and walked back to the lab, the whole time thinking of regret in his head. "What have I done?..." Ienzo whispered sadly. He looked over at a desk and saw Evan had fallen asleep. He went to his room and returned with a blanket, drapping it over his sleeping co-worker's shoulders.
"I just... It would make me feel more comfortable if we took our time with this, just so we could be sure we aren't making any mistakes before it's too late. I like to be safe when it comes to thing like this, and you'll have to get used to that, Myde." Ienzo replied truthfully. "I can only think of you in my mind as a friend right now. Even if what your saying is true, and in my heart I do love you, I still can't be sure of that until my mind believes it too." The truth hurt in one way, but in another way, it was satisfying.
"Y-yes..." Ienzo replied, feeling as if he was about to cry. "B-but I just can't... understand. I'm sorry, Myde. I've been in this frame of mind for so long that I just can't stop even if I wanted to."
Ienzo sighed, knowing all to well how easily that carefree attitude could change to sadness. He remembered when Myde woke up crying over a nightmare he had about him leaving... maybe it was trying to tell him something. The more he thought about it all, the more he feel torn up inside. "Myde, I care about you, I really do. I thank you for all the special moments we shared together. And I'm sorry if the logical side of me is interfering with our relationship but, I just can't understand if I really love you as much as you love me. We've only just met and I can't figure out what it is exactly that I'm feeling for you." Ienzo said, trying to get it out as quickly as possible before breaking down.
"I... o-okay." Ienzo took the seat next to him, despite the fact that he was about ready to run away and never say a thing to Myde. He had to get it off his chest though, so he decided to tell him, even when feeling that he could possibly regret it deep down inside. "Myde, theres some things that have been on my mind lately... I kind of needed to ask you a few things. I'm not sure you'll like it though." Ienzo told him.
Ienzo walked in to hear Myde humming the Ienzo song, this made him even more nervous, it reminded him of the time they spent together when they first made that song. He knew Myde cared for him deeply, but he wasn't sure if he felt the same. "Myde..." He whispered as he walked up behind him.
Ienzo stood there silently, thinking of what Evan had just told him. He wasn't sure if the advice he was given made him even more sad or made it easier on him. Either way, he knew what he had to do... express his feelings to Myde. The one thing he had been afraid of doing from the very beginning, and he now had to do it. Ienzo remembered that Myde told him to meet at Mells Bells, so he left the lab and went there to find Myde.
I think that there is love, but you can love more than one person, it's not like you can really control your feelings for someone. And falling out of love most of the time has a reason to it. The most you can control about love though is keeping your legs closed and your pants zipped. That you CAN choose to not do.
"But, I've never loved someone before..." Ienzo thought to himself, but he wasn't about to ask Evan if he had ever loved anyone before. He sighed and decided that it didn't matter. Maybe he would ask Myde about it later, but he knew it would just end up making him feel bad if he were to even mention being confused about their relationship. "Well, I guess all we CAN do is choose what feels right to us at the time. But the thing I'm truly afraid of... is regret." Ienzo told Evan, looking down at the floor with a forlorn expression.
