What in the world are you doing now, What? You bastard, attempting to ruin classic novels and novellae with your disgusting satire? You should be put to death. (Keep in mind The Pearl spoilers shall be evident despite this being a horrific attempt at comedy) --- As I am bored tonight, I present to you: What? Reads: THE PEARL by John Steinbeck Now, before I begin, let me retrieve my copy of The Pearl. Ah, hold on, this is the wrong copy. There we go. Now we may properly begin. The Pre-Premise Plot Assumption Here we view Arnold Schwarzenegger holding a large, pulsating orb. We can simply assume, from its specific characteristics, that this orb is in fact the testicle of Nikola Tesla - the word "pearl" being a clear euphemism. From here, we may assume the plot. Arnold Schwarzenegger, on his latest adventure, decides to go back in time and retrieve the testicles of Nikola Tesla. In a sub-par and slightly disorienting adventure involving Thomas Edison and that man from Jingle All The Way, Arnold finally confronts Tesla and retrieves his left testicle. The novella is universally controversial for Steinbeck's decision of allowing Ayn Rand and the State of California to write a history text book. The Characters The characters are as follows: Kino: A young girl whom previously travelled the world with her motorcycle before deciding to settle down due to her amazing adventures being horribly overlooked by the anime community. To attempt to gain more popularity, the producers decide to make her into a generic shonen protagonist. This, however, turns horribly awry and she instead transforms into a burly man whom is schizophrenic enough to hear songs in his head, most of them most likely Naruto openings. Is married to weed. Juana: A box of sentient and sapient cannabis that is intoxicated enough to believe a stray coyote is in fact her child. Married to Kino, she is usually the more rational and calm of the pair, which certainly shows how sane Kino is. Coyotito: Is shot in the head. You may picture that for a second. The Scorpion: The insurmountably and undeniably most badass character. This thing simply does not take "no" for an answer. Is, however, squished by Kino, no doubt with accompanied low-budget action scenes and extreme explosions. The Doctor: A foreign man who believes Kino is a Dalek and refuses to treat his family. Was input as a villain by Steinbeck as he was jealous of magical British men. The Author's Motives For Writing: Steinbeck finished eating a bad meal of Taco Bell whilst reading Moby Dick and The Old Man and The Sea at the same time, and was in the washroom for hours where he began to watch an anime representation of the Communist Manifesto. Simply be thankful he did not eat any angry grapes- Er, disregard that. At least I am positive Steinbeck is not a tortilla fan- Well, on to the major plot points. Major Plot Points: - Coyotito is stung by The Scorpion, accompanied with explosions and Rammstein - Kino discovers Tesla's left testicle inside a random oyster within the depths of the Gulf of California - Kino leaves the 4Kids Board of Executives in furious anger after he believes they will not accept his pearl due to them offering horrible English dubbing alternatives - The pearl allows the entire town to envy Kino, leading his family to be attacked by: - Aristocrats - People hired by aristocrats - Fans of Kino's Journey - People hired by British sci-fi television - Explosions - Coyotito is shot in the head Themes/Morals: - Socialism vs. Capitalism - Anime vs. Anime - How you can find Tesla's left testicle in an oyster - If you are a working man with any slight peculiarities you are in a Steinbeck work Conclusion: What a lovely novella. Although I must recommend Steinbeck to tone down on the cheap fast food, I applaud him for acknowledging such obscure anime.
I perceive a social experiment in which I hug the entire world and observe how many people hug me back and how many people attempt to shoot me in the face.
._. I shall await the two people whom understand this reference.
School things. Shall be on MSN. Arrivederci.
http://blog.livedoor.jp/agraphlog-asamegraph/temp/pokehyaku.html
What are you doing back here in the Original Work section, What? I assumed we had ridden ourselves of your disgusting presence when we gave you that block of old cheese. No, no, What?. Please do not post one of your horrible stories again. We already had to clean the carpet before. Aw, What?. Someone retrieve the doggie bag. --- The man, he sat in front of me. At least, I assumed he was a man. The man. The Man. What was this man doing in front of me, I was not necessarily sure. In fact, this “The Man” was the only object I was absolutely sure was standing directly in front of me. Or maybe only to an extent of which I can be sure he was standing directly in front of me. Everything else was not a blur or a blank space; it simply was not there. What in the world is a “blur” or “blank space” in the first place? An empty void? I would assume. No, assuming he was directly in front of me would be an incorrect assumption. Are incorrect assumptions even possible? I would only assume of my own self, perpetual and in a state of incoherent thought. I would sense him in front of me, using what vision I had left. I would not be sure whatsoever. Thinking of something with the context of “sure” would be ridiculous, why would this be “sure” and “unsure”? Are “sure” and “unsure” even words used in that proper context? And then, that man, the “The Man”, spoke to me. At least, I assumed it was speaking. I would not assume what speaking would be, but I would think of – or rather assume – speaking to be an expression of the vocal sort. Although, of course, I had no idea what a “vocal” was. I would assume a species of cake. Boy was I yearning for a “hunger”. “Hello.” Wait, was it even a “hello” I heard, or a simple assumption? I had hoped this “The Man” had assumed a degree of contact with my own sure self, and although I would assume this “The Man” does not exist and is simply an assumption of and within my own brain, I would be sure of these translatable senses. Although I would only assume these senses, yet again. Perhaps he may not be speaking to me at all – he was certainly a very fuzzy image. “Hello?” There was that “hello”, yet again. What was this “hello” in the first place? Maybe a sort of introductory greeting, I would assume. But the word itself is quite strange. Do words even count as physical manifestation, with physical property and physical matter? I would assume; these “hello” of his appear to be digging into my existence, searching for whatever a “reply” must be. What is a reply? “Oh dear. It does not appear to be responding whatsoever. Too much individual thought.” What? Assuming he is in a state of shock, what is going on with him? Would I assume him to hold a re-assurance over my physical matter? Does he know I do in fact exist and he himself appears to be only a logical assumption of my own existence and brain matter – coagulated into a derelict form from shattered pieces of sense and image? And then, what is this? I do not understand. The “The Man”, he, I am assuming, appears to be retrieving another object of sort. I would assume, anyhow. It may not as well be some sort of object, but in fact an assumption of what I perceive to be a physical manifestation of “object”? Now, now, now now, this feeling, what is this feeling? This feeling I do not know. It appears to deny my existence. What, I would assume, no, assume, why would I assume? I should stop assuming and listen, no assume, no assume, no assume, please stop this assumption why are these no assumptions blank please assume no.
After years of meticulous work within the deep and foul-smelling archives of the forum, I have finally completed my magnum opus of my life as a KH-Vids historian: Spoiler
I do not trust you and your notorious antics, What?.
Yes. .
Why in the world am I creating this game? To clog up the Spam Zone with absolute garbage, of course.
You strive to become the greatest potato on the planet. You may use any method to achieve this goal. How is your goal achieved?
Today on Let Us Hold An Intelligent Discussion in the Spam Zone, we discuss the improbability of holding an intelligent discussion in the Spam Zone. Starring your lovely host, images of Tycho Brahe.
As you can see, the sun is shining another bright, happy smile on this fine morning.
Please enjoy your stay.
I blame Sanford Fleming.
The people realized how unproductive and ineffectual the government was being what with keeping a Christmas avatar past Christmas and promptly installed a very temporary and low quality JPEG republic.
