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Guess what happened to me yesterday

Hint: It starts with first~

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Mar 7, 2010, 19 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
Thread
This is awesome

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 25, 2010, 2 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Chatroulette

I have fun there.

xD

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 24, 2010, 8 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Imagine there's no heaven

It's not hard if you try

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 21, 2010, 6 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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I may or may not need help here

I feel like **** at the moment so I'm not typing up a full eighteen pages or anything like that on how bad my live is but here we go

Between Fearless breaking up with me and my dad dying (two totally unrelated things that happened within a month of each other), I have no idea what my own state of mind is. I really don't feel anything at this point but my life is spiraling as if I did. I really, really don't want to admit it out of pride but I think that I may never get over her at this point, and that coupled with my dad passing away just seems a bit too much. I almost got back into drugs this weekend; the only reason I quit was because Fearless wanted me to. She said she didn't want anything happening to me.

Ha.

I got off my train of thought for a bit there and I forgot where I was going with this but I think you get it

Talk to me, khv

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 21, 2010, 14 replies, in forum: Help with Life
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I just found out why I'm called Dalk

And I'm not telling any of you muthafukkaaaaas~

>:3

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 21, 2010, 5 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
Thread
We need to do this, khv

I have just found some stories that beg to have animations of their events. However, I don't have any knowledge of animations.

A synopsis of the events preceding the destruction of all heretic forces on Tertius Gamma follows.

And so it was that the planet of Tertius Gamma was besieged by furry abominations committing the hideous blasphemy of wearing sacred power armor as if in service to the God-Emperor; leveling city after city, they advanced on the last bastion of humanity...the capitol city.

Little did anyone know that the incursion had been noticed by one of the greatest Chapters of all Space Marines, whose mighty Battle Barge was even now entering orbit around the planet...the Angry Marines.

Unknown at the time to their "brothers", another Company had set their sights on the grim scene below. "GODDAMMIT, WHY AREN'T WE ON THE GROUND YET?" screamed an armored visage, what little there was left of his face was twisted in unspeakable rage.

"Sir, we can't enter the atmosphere that quickly, we'd burn u-" The voice of the Servitor was cut short as he was crushed beneath the sheer weight of the Marine's armor as he jumped into the pilot terminal.

And soon it was that the Battle Barge, the Litany of Litany's Litany, screamed towards the besieged planet. You could almost hear the sickly sound permeating from the murky planet below.

"Yiff...yiff...yiff...yiff..."

It was maddening, a lesser man would of taken his life but it had no affect on the stalwart Marines of rage. Always angry, especially now.

High above Tertius Gamma the Battle Barge Maximum **** sat in a ready position over the city's capital, a terrible quiet hanging over the bridge as the payload of Adeptus Astartes Angry Marines prepared to make planetfall.

Captain Temperus of the 3rd Company watched and waited, his eyes fixed firmly on the screens showing a wave of mutants overrunning the planetary defense force positions. He felt his blood boil as he looked upon the livery adorning their armor, their mockery of everything they stood for. Their faces an abomination. The fact they thought themselves so ****ing smart well **** them.

The comms-servant gave a silent nod, and although it seemed as though he hadn't seen it, Temperus was well aware. It was time...but no deep strike would do this time.

"COCK KNUCKLES!" He bellowed with rage. With the full force of his forehead, Captain Temperus struck the large red button on the console in front of him, destroying it in the process. Great shields on the side of the Battle Barge turned into place over the front of the craft, forming a giant battering ram shaped like a middle finger.

The Maximum **** began its nose-first descent into the atmosphere.

The fighting around the capitol city was growing more and more fierce as the furred invaders continued to send more of their number to die beneath the walls of the city; each one attempting to use their bladed weapon to try and chip away at the hardened rockrete. At first the defenders jeered at the pathetic attempt; but as more corpses piled up against the wall, the more cracks began appearing.

"KEEP UP THAT HEAVY BOLTER FIRE!" the Commissar screamed over the din of the gun placements. "BRING UP THE FLAMERS! WE'LL SHOW THESE ABOMINATIONS THE CLEANSING POWER OF THE EMPEROR!" Just then a Servitor scuttled up to the Commissar's side.

"Milord, crafts from offworld are making planetfall. It appears to be the Adeptus Astartes."

"Ah, at last. Now we shall TRULY turn the tide against this filth!" beamed the Commissar.

In revelry and decadence the mutants fought and slaughtered, in their vile mockery of mankind's saviors. The city was almost in range to be taken, there was none alive on Tertius Gamma who could stop them now.

However, all heads were turned skywards with the sounds of a terrible noise, as two Space Marine Battle Barges collided sides-first against one another as they plummeted towards a single target. The mutants realized that target was them.

The Commissar turned his eyes skywards as the enemy fell silent and a great shadow fell across the lands.

"What the f-"

"**** YOU, I WAS HERE FIRST!!!" screamed the commander aboard the Litany of Litany's Litany as he attempted to pilot his barge directly into the large army of deviants below.

"NO **** YOU, I DEPLOYED THE FINGER!!" Captain Temperus cursed back.

Traitors fled, mutants hid, deviants cried out for their dark gods to save them. As one the two Battle Barges slammed into the enemy lines, and with a terrifying roar the earth itself was torn asunder, and Tertius Gamma was no more.
Click to expand...

A boy was born in the year 895.M38, on Pathos Secundus. Little is recorded of his parentage. His father was a Guardsman, known only to be missing and presumed dead. His mother died in childbirth. The pregnancy had no complications, and so an autopsy was conducted. Wounds throughout the mother's uterus and all along the birth canal indicated extreme trauma. Video of the birth confirmed the medical examiner's suspicions: he had come out ****punching.

The child spent his youth in and out of various orphanages and foster homes. Several of his caretakers attempted to name him, but whenever anyone asked him his name, he responded only by punching them in the throat. He was regarded as mad and dangerous at the very least; many believed he harbored some mutation or the mark of Chaos. At the age of ten, however, he finally found a home. An Angry Marine Quartermaster had made planetfall to procure supplies, and the young boy happened to be in the area. The Marine shouted to him, "HEY, *******, BRING ME THAT ****ING HANDTRUCK IN THE CORNER."

When the youth approached the hardened battle-brother and kicked him squarely in the groinplate, breaking two of his toes without making a sound or shedding a tear, the Angry Marines had found a new recruit.

At the time ******* was inducted, the Chapter Master of the Angry Marines had decreed that new recruits should become standard Codex scouts. The issue was put to a vote, and the chapter at large declared this decision to be "COMPLETELY ****ING ******ROCIOUS," however the decree stood for a time on the basis that the Chapter Master did it "JUST TO PISS YOU OFF, YOU WORTHLESS ******S."

This did not prove advantageous to young *******. The one thing they could never teach him to do was aim, and he spent far longer than normal languishing in the 10th Company. Finally, in 176.M39, during the Scouring of Erhlinger Prime, he proved himself. After emptying an entire magazine into an Ork horde with no effect, ******* abandoned his cover, howled madly into the sky, and broke his sniper rifle neatly in half across his knee. He charged the band, tearing limbs from any greenskin that stood in his way, until he was standing face-to-face with the Boss Mek. ******* took the two halves of his ruined rifle and spitted the Ork from both ends of his digestive track, right through his flash kustom 'ardpantz. The rest of the mob turned tail and ran. For his heroism, ******* was immediately inducted to the 5th Company and promoted to the rank of Sergeant. Shortly afterward, the Chapter Master judged that the newbies were pissed off enough, and reinstated the Angry Gangs.

******* rose quickly through the ranks, finally becoming Brother-Captain of the Battle Barge Kill**** Soulshitter in 722.M39. During his career, he developed a special hatred of Eldar, and would often be heard to claim that "THEY MAY AS WELL BE GODDAMN PRETTY MARINES FOR ALL THEIR FAIRYASSED PANTSHITTERY." In 756.M39, the Kill**** Soulshitter was called to push back an incursion on the Coluphid Sector by Eldar. The campaign was a terrifying success, and in its last moments, Captain ******* confronted the Farseer Turiel and her daughter Sorith, one of the Seer Council, personally. Breaking Sorith and casting her blithely aside in one swift blow, the Captain approached the Farseer, shaking with rage. Before she could react, he slammed her to the ground, removed his groinplate, and raped her brutally. As he finished, he rose, readjusted his armor, and looked Sorith in the eyes, saying "I ****ED YOUR MOM." He turned and left as the two witches stole into the Webway. A Marine in *******'s retinue, puzzled, asked "WHY THE **** DID YOU LET THOSE ****S GET AWAY, YOU STUPID ****?" In an astonishing display of restraint, ******* said simply "THOSE SPACE QUEERS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN PLAN AHEAD, YOU DICKSUCK."

In 989.M39, Captain ******* received a pizza with mushrooms instead of pineapple, and suffered an aneurysm while killing those responsible. He was entombed in one of the Chapter's Belligerent Engines. Thirty years later, the Chapter met the same Eldar again on the field of battle. The carnage played out much the same as before, leaving only Captain *******, Farseer Turiel, and Sorith. Once again Sorith was cast aside. Once again, Turiel was restrained. A terrible din was heard, and after some time, it could be seen that Captain *******'s turgid member had punched right through the armor plating of the Dreadnought, and lodged itself just between the buttocks of the Farseer. He turned to Sorith and spoke his last words to her before slaughtering them both.

"EVEN IN DEATH, I STILL **** YOUR MOM."
Click to expand...

The PDF sold their lives dearly to stop the greenskin advance upon our primary Hive, but on the horde came. There would be no escape but for the Planetary Governor, whose escape shuttle was prepped to leave before the attack began.

As our leader left us to die we prayed to the Emperor for deliverance while we sold our lives to protect his works. Glory be to his swift answer.

A yellow Thunderhawk descended like a falling star, the much larger transport vehicle crushing the smaller one as it landed on the same pad, and through the fire and smoke the mighty figure of a Space Marine strode forth. I will never forget the seething expression on his face as he looked upon us, upon the Hive, upon the xenos.

The Marine did not pause, he drew his chainsword and charged down the stairs with a battlecry upon his lips, screaming "FAAAAAAAAH-" or something of the sort, a cry with no end. Even as he disappeared into the Hive we heard him clearly, even as we saw the small yellow figure leap from the Hive into the throng of green below we heard him. Drop pods followed as more Marines smashed into the horde, more yellow armored Marines echoing the endless cry.

The xenos were crushed utterly, and still screaming in rage the Space Marines ran up the Hive once more, to where the Governor still stood staring at the crushed wreckage of his escape shuttle. The Marines poured into their Thunderhawk, but the Marine from before ran right up to the cowardly official, and ended his warcry at last, his finger pressing painfully against the man's forehead.

"-UUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU!"

Rather unceremoniously, the Governor was then pitched off the top of the Hive, with his underwear pulled up over his head.
Click to expand...

There are more, but I digress. At least one of these stories needs a video.
WHO'S WITH ME

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 19, 2010, 6 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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love meeeee

[devart=loldalk]154615928[/devart] .

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 18, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Mama, I just killed a man

Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger; now he's dead

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 17, 2010, 13 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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I couldn't stop laughing

http://tinyurl.com/lugwt5

For this entire article.

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 14, 2010, 2 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Alright, that draws it

Which one of you **** is mookiemeister on dA?

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 14, 2010, 7 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
Thread
WHY CAN'T I STOP LlSTENING TO THIS SONG

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 14, 2010, 6 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
Thread
...AHAHAHAHA lol

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=3776195

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 13, 2010, 6 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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I was under the impression that this was impossible

I was wrong.

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Feb 11, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
Thread
Self-portrait

lol hay gaiz

[devart=151861244]151861244[/devart]

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 26, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Least annoying ringtone ever

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 25, 2010, 1 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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This is still the best commercial ever

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 23, 2010, 18 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Just playd Warhammer

Orks are my favorite. They're just so straightforward.

Following as an example is their entire system of counting;

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

They call anything above five "lotz".

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 23, 2010, 7 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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Today was great

This is a scan of a quiz I took today

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 22, 2010, 18 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
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So I glomped a girl last week

She was later sent to the hospital and diagnosed with whiplash.

I got detention for 3 hours on a friday.

Did not end as planned.

Thread by: TheMagicalMisterMistoffelees, Jan 22, 2010, 10 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone

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