I just read the whole story. It is SO good. There are some gramatical errors, but really great all the same. Can't wait to read your other stories! I wonder, though, why did you pick Marluxia as the main character instead of a different Organization member? I really laughed at the part where Marly forgot his pants. :D The ending kinda cut off, but I understand why you wrote it that way. Overall, it was a very well written piece.
Okay, thanks! Whenever Zexion sneezes, there is a flash of light and a copy of someone appears and will not disappear until he sneezes again. The copy could be of himself or another person. BIC: Zexion was walking towards the scene of all the commotion. Suddenly he sneezed. "The infernal sneezing. I-" Zexion broke off. There was a copy of himself standing right in front of him, blocking his way. (He didn't see the flash of light because when he sneezed, he closed his eyes for a second). The copy charged at him. "Ahh!" Zexion screamed. As soon as the copy reached him, Zexion sneezed and it disappeared. "Interesting," Zexion said, and kept on walking.
Can I be Zexion?:D If so, what affect should I give him? Any suggestions?
"Okay, see you later then," Zexion yelled after him. After thinking about it for a second, "And don't kill Demyx!" Zexion laughed. He turned around and started walking the other way. Zexion frowned. When will the other members wake up? A thought hit him. What if they are awake? "I will have to look for them, I guess,"Zexion said outloud.
"That would suck if I couldn't have chocolate," Zexion replied. "I kinda feel bad for you. Well, as far as a Nobody can feel," Zexion laughed. "Twenty minutes? That's fine, but I hope everyone wakes up soon. I mean, I don't really want to go, but walking around doing nothing isn't exactly interesting either."
If this thread is not dead, can I join? If so, then can I be Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist?
Zexion woke up and got out of bed, his book fell to the floor. He went into the hallway. He suddenly remembered. Today is when the Organization is going to the factory! He groaned. "Well, at least there will be chocolate," Zexion mumbled. He turned and started walking down the hallway.
I TOTALLY agree. Why did they have to make his death so pointless? I think it is unfair on how he died. I mean, what is the worst thing he did?
OOC: That is why I made my character walk away because I really had nothing more to do there. Could we switch it to the next day when we all go to the factory?
Zexion laughed at Demyx's excitement. "I am glad I'm not like that," he said. "Tomorrow we will go, but right now I am going to my room to read. See you all later." Zexion turned around and walked away.
I would save Zexion because he is my favorite and he was just too smart to die. I actually think it was a stupid reason to die anyways.
All I can say is, WOW. You are an amazing writer and you capture their emotions (or fake ones) so well. How long have you been writing? I can't wait for the next section! :D
Thanks everyone. I'm glad people thought it was good, but trust me on this, some of my friends are WAY better at writing than me. I think it also comes woth practice. I enjoy writing so maybe I should keep on doing it. I did write another part, but it wasn't as good so maybe I will do some rewriting and post it up here too!:D Thanks for the advice!
"I love chocolate," Zexion said outloud,"Even the word sounds good enough to eat!" Zexion smirked, "Did you know, in some countries they eat chocolate covered insects?"
Here is something I did during English class and all my friends seemed to like it so I thought I might post it here and see what everyone thought of it. There might be a few errors so tell me and I can edit it. This is also my first time posting like this so I would really appreciate an honest opinion. Thanks. :D Drowning!! "Someone help me please! I'm drowning!" Mylie's cries filled the air. No one came. She knew no one could hear her because of the dense forest that surrounded the lake. Oh why did she go into the lake for a swim when she knew there was slimy seaweed underneath the water that could pull a person under? Her mother told her not to swim in the lake. Maybe that is what her mother would say at her funeral. Mylie could hear the shrill voice of her mother saying, “I told her NOT to go into that lake. Did she listen? NO!†Mylie’s arms were getting tired from frantically trying to tread water. Her breaths were coming faster and smaller as she tried to stay up. The seaweed around one leg seemed like a long snake, slimy and slick, but a tighter grip each time she moves. Mylie realized she couldn’t keep this up much longer. Suddenly she had an idea. She could go underwater and cut the seaweed off her leg with that sharp rock she found on the shore! She took one last breath and dove under. Well, if you call it diving. It was more of curling up and putting her stomach to her knees. She was swimming in her shorts and t-shirt so it wasn’t as cold as being in her bathing suit, but the shock was enough to surprise her into letting go of some breath. Mylie cursed herself for letting some air escape. She took out the rock and started to chop away the seaweed. She realized this was going to take longer than she thought! Mylie’s lungs were beginning to burn so she started to cut faster and harder. She missed a couple times and cut her leg, the blood swirling around as she worked. Her leg was hurting and her lungs screamed for air, but she knew if she gave up now, she wouldn’t be able to the surface. Suddenly, the seaweed snapped free! She did it! Mylie swam for the surface, but gasped in surprise, letting the last of the air in her lungs bubble up around her. She was so deep! As she was cutting through the seaweed, it still was pulling her deeper! The surface seemed so far away. Mylie didn’t understand. She wanted her arms and legs to move, but they didn’t respond. She could see spots in front of her eyes. Right before Mylie passed out she felt strong arms take hold of her and saw a murky shadow in the water. She let out a scream, but it was unheard because at that moment she blacked out and felt comfort in the darkness creeping around her.
Zexion looked at Siax. "I don't want to go either, but Demyx invited the whole Organization and refusing might make him cry," Zexion rolled his eyes, "and we wouldn't want to hear him cry. He can be a little annoying." Zexion grinned. "At least there will be chocolate."
Zexion sighed and turned away. He rather just find a quiet place to read. "I can't believe I have to go too," He thought.
Can I be Zexion? This would be my first time being him, though.:D
