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Ok this is sorta a long story REALLY long. so bear with me, and it takes a while to get it.
About 5 years ago a girl moved into my neighborhood... I was 9 years old and she was 10. Since the moment i saw her i liked her more then any other girl. 5 years later I still think the same. ok heres the whole story.
I'm now 14 and she's 15. We've always been pretty good friends we always laugh and talk. I'm not really sure that she knows i still like her, I know she doesn't like me that way...
She's always been attracted to older guys, she's the type of girl that likes the really cool guys you would see at beaches and California... ---___---
At the moment i've found out that she likes a guy who's 17. But I've talked to him about it and he doesn't really like her that way. But I don't know if that is true since i've only met him once...
So recently i went to a semi-formal party where there was mostly just dancing... Unfortunatly there was about 17 slow dances... Constantly he was asking her to dance to the slow songs right before i was about to. And likewise she would answer "yes." I have a really good friend (she's a girl) and hangs out with her ALOT. Unfortunatly for me she's a two timing backstabber! She always says she's helping me but i recently found out that she's gettin her his number and really tryin to get them together... Ok back to the story... Finally i got up the guts to ask her to dance and she said yes surprising me that she wouldn't say no that she would want to dance with him... Well it turned out to be really nice. Ok so the next day i hung out with her again at a park because there was a large picnic goin around... So most of the time i was sittin on the swings tlakin with her and her friends. At the end of the nite she began to talk about him Alot. It really hurt to have to listen to her talk about him this much. Well i walked along with her best friend (not the two-timing backstabber lol) and she knew that i had liked her before this. So she asked me "you still like her dont you?" and i answered "Yeah 5 long years..." And so she proceeded to say "You do know that she's really tryin to go out with that guy right?"
(condensed version) I solemnly said" Yes i know, but i dont really care i just want her to be happy" It almost hurt me to say that= I wanted her to be happy with me not him...
3 months later i found out she doesn't like him!!! shes back on the market.
Now about a few months later I went over to her house with all of my friends and we played this game that is called "Wearwolf." its like a backwards way of playing hide n seek. Well, while i was playing it was her turn to play. BTW her name is Rachel. Ok, anyways so while we were seeking for her i broke off with this other girl and guy. So as a way to lure her out I said just joking around- "I wonder were that ugly girl could be hiding!" and the girl i was seeking with said "Oh come on!! you know u have loved her for the past 5 years..." AND GUESS WHAT!!!!! she was hiding right in the shed behind us. I ran off worrying she was there because i didn't know she was there then. So, after someoen finally found her she said that she heard everything. But not in a good way, she didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Didn't even say goodbye to me. I just sat back and listened to "Bullet for my Valentine" (band)

about a month later i have to go up to new jersey to my aunts funeral. Im really bummed about the hole thing that went down there and im tryin REAL hard to get over her... So A grreat thing happened while i was up at new jersey... and then turns to CRAP. While im up there im staying with my 12 and 8 year old cousins. (both girls) So my 12 year olds cousin is this 13 year old girl that is SUPER HOT and i verbalized that i wanted to meet her. I got my cousin to email her and the girl kinda laughed and i finally emt her one night. It was just really at a glance. My brother was also with me (hes 17)
So. the day after my cousin emailed her asking what she thought of me. and this is wat she said and i quote!
Well ya know you can NEVER tell about someoen at just a glance.
turns out shes a lieing erm well... you get it. ok so turns out she was in love wiht my brother. AND HE WONT LET ITN GO. to this day he rubs it in my freakin face...
I came back and wanted to kill myself. How could life be so cruel. I have told No one about this but my best friend. My brother at one of my friends house just mentioned the girls name to all my friends so now they are bugging me to know the whole story but they dont. I can't seem to stay away from Rachel, she just seems to be always dragging me back in.
my other friend (guy like me) likes her too. in fact he recently asked her out. she said no. lol. Ok But the bad thing is she said this in a text to him. "Atleast you had the balls to tell me unlike Tyler (me.) His name is Brenton. Rachel (girl)
Ok. so. My friend told me the whole story and i was compelled to text her. So i started off the text by small talk. then i said "Brenton told me that you said i didn't have the balls to ask you out. Is that true?"
ok now this is EXACTLY how she answered. for some odd reason she talkd to me as though she was talkin to someone else. idk but it was directed to me no one else.
"Yea. You were younger then. But Tyler has more of a chance then Brenton does with me."

Ok so after the sent that text i texted her.

"Well i just really want you to know that the reason i never asked you out or told you i liked you was because i didn't want it to affect our friendship. Ya know make it awkward. and i basically always knew the answer if i had asked you."

After that text she enver texted me back so i got really worried that she was dodging me. I then wated to see her in person. After talking to alot of my friends about it i said whatever. I've wated 5 years im gonna ask her out.

This was Monday. I was supposed to see her Thursday. She was sick.
I was then supposed to see her friday. She didn't show up at the play.
I was DIEING. I needed to tell her.

Ok Sunday (today) i finally saw her. She looked great. But i couldn't seem to get her alone! i didn't want to talk to her with all my friends around. Finally they left but my brother was sittin there. :( ok well her mom finally walked up and said that she had to leave. So she walked out the door. So i ran out to meet her there and i ran up. I asked her hey whyd u stop texting me. She said "Oh. I got sidetracked. I meant to text you back." I felt very relieved. Ok so then i asked her if she got my last text. She said no.
So i told her my Text.
"Well i just really want you to know that the reason i never asked you out or told you i liked you was because i didn't want it to affect our friendship. Ya know make it awkward. and i basically always knew the answer if i had asked you."
After telling her this we were almost to her car. So i said. "Well i guess im uhh. Asking you out."

She looked at me and stuttered there for a while. I looked down at her. (shes 1 year older but im taller)
She kinda stammered and i said. "Ya know anytime now." BUT NOT IN A BAD WAY. i made sure to do it in a sweet kinda way. She said: "uhh no."

My heart dropped to my feet. I was crushed. I felt like i was gonna pass out and die there. She looked at me and said "Well its just all the problems with out friends realationships..."
And i kinda cut her off and said "Rachel, please. If you dont like me just tell me." She said "NO no! i like you as a friend right now. its just were both really young."

I felt horrible right now. I started to tear up and so did she. But hers was because of the wind blowing through her eyes and hair. She said "Im not crying its the wind" i said "oh yeah mine too."

And all i could think of saying was "This isn't going to affect our friendship is it." She solemnly said "No."
So then i said 'i guess this is bye then' she didn't even hug me but that was ok. I walked back into the building where my brother was and after 2 minutes about she walked back in. My heart sunk deeper. I couldn't stand to look at her.

(We have this catch phrase we used to say to each other "Keepin' it Real" every tiem we would say bye to each other. its just kinda our thing. she doesn't do it with anyone else and neither do i.)

Anyways after me and my brother was walking out the door she turned to me and said "Keeping it Real."
I turned back to her and muttered the words back. she could tell she broke my heart.

I Really dont know what to do now. There are no other girls in my neighborhood that are good looking. Theres one really ugly girl that likes me but i dont wana resort to her but i feel like i have no other choice. She really loves me but i dont. I dont wana date her but i feel like im obligated. i have no other choice theres no other girls that would like me.

Anywho. I just really wana know how to stop the hurt. What should i do? Please. Really help.
:ninjacat: