... What's your favorite scary movie, kiddies...?
I know, I know... No one likes a sad sob story. Most of you know me on here pretty well, or only a little bit. Most of you already gave me advice saying "It'll be okay." But things have been getting worse for me lately. And this feeling I'm having inside of me is gnawing me to death. Literally. It may not seem anything to anyone, but it's pretty big to me and it's seriously drowning me. No one likes a pessimistic, most people get annoyed with those that are thinking of suicide or seriously hurting themselves... But I need help. I need help really bad from friends, from anyone really that will care. You don't have to read through this if you don't want to though. It'll be pretty long anyways... And I don't know if you guys will have the time to read through it. But I appreciate it if you just glanced at it... So thanks for that ahead of time. What I've been struggling with so badly are Loneliness and Friendships. It may not seem like it to most, or it may seem like it, but I hide my negative feelings and try to give off a positive side to people. Then when I start going down hill, I drop little hints here and there to see if anyone would notice (because I'm too freaking scared to ask anyone for help usually), and then I usually just finally break down and nothing seems clear to me anymore. With that, I think I hurt a lot of close friends on this site, off this site, anywhere really, with my negative emotions. I believe I hurt people, annoy them, and bother them too much. Why? Because everyone eventually becomes way too busy to talk to me, I feel ignored, I get blunt replies from people I use to call my best friends, or they just don't talk or respond to me at all, or they do or say things that hurt me so much to the point where I can't take it anymore and I just want to disappear and cry and sob. I've been seriously hurt by a best friend lately. I kept the emotions in up the point where the Crisis Line was called and those were a couple of lonely days. My friend used me as a scapegoat (And I let them, because before when I exposed their lie, they said I took their choice to tell the truth themselves away from them) to cover up a lie to their parents, saying I lied about something, trust was broken with their parents and me, even when the truth was told (was going to threatened to be kicked out of the house it was that bad), went home (was in Texas for a year for college, another story), and then everything rushed up on me. Their parents even made me pack ALL of my belongings in my room they had for me, even though I told them I would be back for a second year of college. And my friend's dad said I could pay for my own boxes... And these were people who saw me as another daughter to them. Then while I was gone, their parents kept asking me over and over again if I was going to stay at my parents or not. And finally, I got the impression they didn't want me anymore and wallah. I moved everything back to my house. Thus comes to this day. I sent my friend a letter, based on the advice of their mom, to tell them how I felt. I did, I said how I felt betrayed and about my struggles I've been having and it hurt a lot, but I didn't want to be angry at them forever. I got no response from them, and soon their mom stopped talk to me too. She even liked my status when I said I was going to leave Facebook because I was struggling too much and needed to leave... And that hurt a lot. They kept ALL of my games (All but one were bought by me, and most of those were Kingdom Heart games and Sonic games) and both of the PS2's (and one of them was given to me and my friend didn't give it to me when I came to get my stuff because "The cords weren't all there for it") And now? Losing a person I was friends with for nine years really has impacted me up to the point where I think I really don't deserve any friends anymore. I mean, I got pretty close with some people on this website, and we don't talk much anymore. And truthfully, it hurts. But I don't know what to say to all of you anymore because I don't know if you're mad at me or what or if you're too busy to be bothered my me. And I understand that, or at least try to the best I can. I'm getting professional help. I'm getting therapy, strong medication for anxiety, depression, and insomnia, but I know meds are not the answer to problems really, and therapy just makes me even more depressed. I just feel like I can't take anything at all these days. I'm afraid to get too close to people now because I might hurt them or they'll leave me without telling me why, or hurt me or use me... But then I get desperate for any friends. And then sometimes that lands me into trouble. Maybe I'm selfish, or being a big brat. But I'm so, so, so, so tired of feeling lonely and breaking friendships. I wanna trust. And I open up way too much to people in the beginning so if they reject me, it won't hurt so much (heck, I'm feeling like I'm saying too much here, but then again this is only the tip of the ice berg of what's really going on in my head). I wanna stop crying every night and hide my emotions because no one can handle me when I get really down. I want to start BEING happy instead of ACTING happy I don't want to depend on medications to keep me from trying to commit suicide again or to hurt myself or to get to sleep and not toss and turn all night or have bad dreams all the time. Just... any words. Be truthful. I need anything right now. If it hurts, fine. Maybe I deserve that. I just don't really know anymore... And thank you to those who have talked to me to try to help me feel better... It helps a little bit. Just anything will do right now.
Spoiler Yeah, that's about right. xDx
Had a dream about Harry Potter last night. But like… It was weird. We were playing this capture the flag game or something and we had to steal the other person’s flag… But at the same time, we had to do certain tasks and stuff (like mixing together the grossest milkshake on the planet. Ew.) Then like, everyone suddenly got depressed or sleepy, and then everyone was like “Screw this capture the flag.” And so the only ones up to guard the flag was this ghost, someone in the water, this teacher, and yup. So, seeing that MY team was giving up, I was like, “I am gonna give us hope again! Ron has had a bad past, so has other people I have not seen before. I’M GOING TO MAKE IT RIGHT!” And thus, I did some maneuvering, all without… magic. » Like seriously, I didn’t have a wand. Every time I went to reach for one, it wasn’t there. So I had to rely on my hands and stuff to do the magic. Got to the flag, then suddenly I did a spell and changed myself to Kid Flash (no joke) and snatched up the flag. Thus hope in humanity was restored…. I think I was trying to dream of Young Justice, Naruto, Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians all at the same time. o.o My brain is just being silly
Me: *standing outside with my dad* I wonder how far it is... Looks like it's getting closer Dad: *sees lightning strike. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven- *thunder roll* More than two miles away. Me: Ooooo~! *Sees another flash* Start counting again! Dad: One, two- Me: *Sees another flash of lighting* OH LOOK! ANOTHER ONE! CLOSER BY! OH MAI GOSH! Dad: *counts that one* One, two three-*thunder cracks* Okay! It's here! Let's go inside. Me: AHAHAHAHA! YEEEES! *goes inside* Afterthought: Only awesome dads can let their 20 year old act like a little child. And now, with that rain beating down on my house and the thunder cracking and lighting flashing outside, I'm going to let that inner child take over and huddle in a quilt. @~@
Well, what did you expect it to do? It's already naked.
O.O And I never read the books, never ever watched the movies, and quite frankly.... IT WAS FLIPPING SWEET. Like, I remember something about running into Katniss, and then like letting her slide and making a truce with her (And I only heard bits and pieces about the books/movies, so I don't know much). And then I guess I turned into Gale (lol, gendah bending) and went to this lake place and there I found the mud (knew about the camouflage part) and put it all over my face. BUT then, I noticed there was like other footprints other than mine, and I saw this kid not too far off. And I'm like, "Screw this, I'll let him live, he doesn't see me. But... I'll take this camouflage thing one step further." And I got in the lake, and used I guess my backpack as a buoyant, and before I know it, THE KID THAT DIDN'T SEE ME BEFORE SUDDENLY SAW ME AND TRIED SHOOTING AN ARROW AT ME. AH! No one else saw me though. >> I lived, duh. And suddenly, I became myself in the Hunger Games. And the whole like killing each other thing was done, and I think we went back in time? Because we had to choose between two tests... Physical or intellect, but they had special names for it. I chose intellect... and all my friends I made mostly chose physical and the physical test was suppose to be hard and I was like, "What the heck guys? You might die before the actual games." Cause it was suppose to be hard or something. And they gave me this look like, "You'll seeeeeee." And they separated the two groups, and we got to the intellect test... And I so wished I went with physical. .... THE INTELLECT TEST WAS SET UP LIKE MY HIGHSCHOOL CLASSROOM! AH! And we had to get this 600-800 questions science/MATH test done in like four-five hours or something. AND it wasn't mostly multiple choice either. IT WAS HARD! LKSJDLGKJSLKJGLKJS And after, I think I woke up or tried to dream about something else. But yeah, going back to bed for like another hour, 4:25am over here, lolololololololol. I dunno how many will read this since it's flipping long. But... GOOD NIGHT! Or... GOOD DAY! GOOD AFTERNOON! Whatevah! BYE!
Enjoy, you boring people. Enjoy.
Spoiler You're boring me so much, I just might as well go to bed somewhat early tonight. d:
Me almost every morning
"Cabbages are so nasty! They smell and they look so pale and sickly!" "But they can be nice-" "NO THEY CAN'T! They're so grumpy!" "... At least we all take showers." "...Wut." Quoted from a bushel of lettuce leaves from the local grocery store I dunno. I'm an itty bitty bit insane this morning. :'D
[Note: So I was rummaging around in my old files and I came across this interesting essay. I wrote this in the spring of 2011 in my Junior Year and I wanted to share it with y'all cause it has some very intriguing information that may catch some attention (Seeing that mostly all of you love anime on here). Though I'm missing my references (aksdjkljfgsadlkjg, so mad about that, and hence the random numbers by some sentences) you can look up the information yourself on Google if you feel like it. :3 Enjoy the reading.] Anime Absorbing Americans Japanese cartoons (also known as “anime”) have affected the American pop culture since the 1960’s. Anime had existed in Japan since the Twentieth Century, starting with traditional drawings and comics that dealt with the political, social, and historical views of Japan’s culture. Since then, those drawings and comics slowly became popular animations for younger children and adults to watch in the Japanese culture. Gradually, these new animations drifted overseas to the United States. In 1963, it was believed that Astro Boy was the first anime show to appear on American Television. (1) Also to appear on American TV were anime shows such as Robotech, Battle of the Planets, and Voltron. (2) However, Americans found these shows strange because of the different styles of the characters and the plot lines to these shows. American producers even edited the script to change the names of some of the characters and the dialogue from the original anime show so that it was more “Americanized”. It was not until the 1990’s when the new anime show Pokémon came on air in America that some Americans started to truly embrace anime. Pokémon became very popular among the young American audience, and thus opened the doors for other anime shows. These shows were Dragonball Z, Sailor Moon, and Yu-Gi-Oh! (3) Since then, anime shows have grown and developed over the years, spreading to other countries around the globe and it’s becoming one of the top forms of entertainment for all ages and genres. What exactly is anime? The term anime is the Japanese word for “cartoons” adapted from the English word “animation”. (4) Anime is its own form of entertainment, and it’s directed at all ages and genres. Anime does not have just one form of entertainment, but can have many forms for its audience. The general genre of anime is action, comedy, science-fiction, romance, sports, mystery, adventure, drama, fantasy, slice of life, psychological-thriller, space adventures, etc. (5) The Japanese people are attracted to this form of entertainment, and it’s very popular in their culture. Why? Ask John says that: “Asian cultures including the Japanese… have developed pictographic written languages and refined exquisite visual aesthetics in performing arts… A sense of visual design seems to have permeated the collective subconscious of Asia… Asian cultures seem to gravitate toward a greater comingling with nature, soft smoothness and flow, and a sense of transience.” (6) The Japanese people like to have a variety in their lives and not stick to just one or two things. In America, the usual cartoon genres are slapstick comedies, mild/simple diversions for kids, mature comedies and satires for adults, action/super hero adventure, general family-friendly entertainment, etc. (7) As soon as Pokémon was introduced to the American audience, the American people noticed that this anime show was different from the rest of the cartoons that were on air. It actually had a story to follow, the characters were drawn differently then other cartoon shows, and it involved its viewers so they felt like they were part of the show. At first, the anime shows in America were more directed at the children audience, so most believed that all anime were for kids. However, as Americans’ taste in anime grew, so did the demand for more anime to be introduced to the American society grew as well. That’s when anime shows for older children and adults were launched into the American culture. Shows like Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece have many scenes of intense violence and blood, alcohol and smoking references, foul language, and the suffering and deaths of characters. (8) These shows put on a light in the minds of American parents to what anime really is. Some parents see all anime shows as violent and even pornographic; even though that’s not the case most of the time. Why do the Japanese people put so much violence and real life situations into shows directed at younger and older children? “The Japanese culture believes that children will have to deal with the cruel facts of life, no matter how negative it may seem to be.” (9 ) So, the best way to introduce the harsh reality of the real world is to introduce it through animated shows. On the other hand, some Americans believe that if their children are introduced to the darker aspects of life, they could become traumatized or corrupted. (10 ) So, in order to protect their children from these violent anime shows that are just for them, the American television edit out scenes of blood, violence, or other questionable content that make it to American TV. But anime that’s given to a TV-PG or higher rating can get away with having explicit blood and violence, sexual references, and bad language. The anime that’s directed to teenagers and adults appear straight on home video, or Cartoon Network’s late-night show, Adult Swim. (11) Aside from the darker aspects of anime, Americans are also attracted to anime because the characters within the anime seem realistic and some of the characters could match with real live people. A creator of an anime always fully develops their characters before putting them within a story plot and defines each individual with their own conflicts, flaws, motives, and a personality that reflects on the character’s background history. Creators draw their audience in by making characters seem realistic and believable even if they’re total fantasy. Ask John says: “American cartoons will place characters in a situation. Anime places situations around characters. Many anime shows have a continuing story, while very nearly all American cartoons are episodes created specifically to be a series of individual stand-alone stories rather than small pieces of a whole. Even in the case of anime series that are episodic, the characters develop and change from episode to episode; Anime therefore engenders more person involvement between the show and the viewer than typical American cartoons do.” (12) And this is quite true. In shows like Looney Toons, Tom and Jerry, Family Guy, and Scooby Doo, they have stand-alone individual episodes that usually have no connections to one another and the characters are still the same as the show goes on. (13) Anime characters, on the other hand, grow and develop as the story goes on and may end up having a different personality than before, just like how an actual human grows and responds to life. (14) Even the sub-characters within the anime change and grow like the main characters around them. Another quality that draws Americans to anime is the humor within the show. Anime has a special way of introducing comedy within the show, even though it may have extreme drama and violence, without the humor seeming out of place. The jokes fit into the scene of the show and keep the audience interested. Characters also poke fun at other character’s quirks and personality flaws to not only add comedy to the show, but to also show that the characters have faults like real people. (15) On the other hand, American shows use crude humor and sarcasm to portray their humor within their shows. Sometimes characters in American cartoons use these quick jokes to diverse from a serious moment, reminding people that what they’re watching is all fantasy. (16) Anime, on the other hand, tries to keep it as real as possible for its audience even though the characters are cartoon. Not only do the characters interest the American audience, but the story of the episodes as well. Story writers plan out what’s going to happen in the story thoroughly from beginning to end, and will only make minor changes if they feel like its absolutely necessary. Anime shows with progressed story lines will leave viewers with questions and subplots that’ll only be solved if they keep watching the anime. This means that most anime shows require dedication from its audience to stick with the story and watch it from beginning to end. Usually if a viewer jumps into an anime in the middle the season, the viewer is likely to be lost. (17) Some suggest that it is best to watch the first episode and plow through the anime in order. Japanese shows also sets up scenes of foreshadowing within the shows. Anime characters that viewers saw earlier in the show, but really didn’t make an appearance the first time around, may appear again in the show many episodes later. Anime even uses events earlier in the show that really don’t make sense at first, like a character’s flashback for instance, but will make sense later in the show if the viewers continue to watch the anime. Anime is also set up differently from other cartoon or other animated shows. Instead of recording the voices first for the characters and then drawing the animation to fit with the voice, the animation is drawn out before recording the voices. (18) This is because anime producers in Japan are on a tight budget, and doing the artwork first then recording the voices is a lot cheaper than the other way around. This is good in a way, because this allows the artists to focus on details within the anime and create beautiful settings for the characters to roam around in. Artists can also focus on facial expressions made by the characters, and other little details that take time to draw out. When one watches an anime show twice or three times in a row, each time they will pick up details they never notice in the anime before. However, it all depends on the style of the anime. Some animes are simple while others are quite complex in detail. Also, doing the artwork first and then the voices help the voice actors when they actually record. Sometimes it’s a challenge to match with the speed of the character’s lips when they’re moving and it takes a lot of patient and effort, but this allows voice actors and actresses to get to know their characters more and become part of them during the recording sessions. (19) Not only that, but all the voice actors in the show are in the same room together when they record. This allows the voice actors to interact with one another, and it helps them to put real feelings within their character. What also catches the eye of American people with anime is how the anime shows are set up. The general set up of an anime is: 1. Opening song 2. First half of the episode 3. Commercial break 4. Second half of the episode 5. Ending Song 6. Next Episode Preview (20) The opening song for an anime show is basically a miniature music video that consists of scenes from the anime show, or clips of characters doing their own thing outside of the show. Usually the song is sung by famous Japanese singers, and these singers use anime to promote their music. Aside from that, it also creates a feel for the anime before it starts so that the audience can be part of it. If the anime has an on-going story, the opening song and the clips will change every season or so. How long do anime shows usually last? It all depends on how popular these shows are. If viewers show an interest in the anime, it will continue another season. If it gets past two seasons, then the anime can continue for however long it wants to until it starts fading out of popularity. There are thirty to seventy new animated shows that are produced in Japan every season; so there’s a great competition between producers to see how long they can make their shows last. This is where the variety of different genres of anime is born. In conclusion, it seems that Americans are leaning towards anime because it’s something new and different. Something that has great variety and stories that is shared. Not only that, but anime fans can relate to these stories and even to the characters. They become a part of them even though sometimes it’s out of this world. It stimulates imagination, and it even inspires writers to make their own stories. Thanks to Astro Boy who appeared to us in the 1960’s, anime has become very popular today in American’s pop culture. Works Cited Page [At least I had some saved]1. http://animeyume.com/main_site.html Article: What is Anime? 2. http://www.animenation.net/blog/2001/02/07/ask-john-is-anime-the-same-as-cartoons/ Article: Ask John- Is Anime the Same as “Cartoons?”
As they all say, you can never stay away from this place forever no matter how much you put in your head to not come back ever. ^^ So, what's up peeps of the KHVs realm?
I am going to be taking break for a very long time. I might come back, I may not. Things have just been complicated in my life (like anyone really cares) and so it's time to take a step back and figure out myself. Thank you to most for being my friends for a temporary time. I rarely talk to anyone on the site anymore, but thanks for listening to me when I needed someone to just hear what I had to say for just a moment. I don't really have any shout outs to anyone, save those who stuck out with me since the beginning or have transformed from my enemies to my greatest friends. You can always shoot me an email from my hotmail or find me on Skype if you feel like finding me. Thanks for the good memories, and thanks for the bad ones too. Peace out.
Well, we don't have a place anymore for Holidays to be posted in as far as I can see (I will be laughing at myself if we do, but oh well), so here we go~ Tell your mother, grandma, sister, daughter (if you have one figuratively or not), anyone who has made a difference in your life that you love them, you appreciate them, anything you feel like. Being away from my own mom, it's rough. But I also have many other mothers who have raised me through the years who'll be with me through this holiday. (Jayn, you are one of my mommas. :glomp: So this thread applies to you too. Lol) So yup, Happy Early Mother's Day~ This is a video I made for my own mom about five years ago when I was first making AMVs and stuff. (I made her cry. ^^) So I'm sharing it with all of ya since I made it for my mom for Mother's Day.
... I guess vampires are fluffy wolves now?
A full partner fandub with someone I know! FINALLY! xD V@nti@s wanted to do a dub with me, so he suggested doing the ending of CoM. I was a bit hesitant since I sound nothing like Namine, but yeah! We got it all together. So, here we go with the description. Please comment and rate on the YouTube video! We'd love to see what you all think and stuff.
And another project. :3 I am mostly proud of this one Please rate and comment once more. I bid thee peoples adu!
Glitching mics made my depressing day a very happy one. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, so thank you entertaining person. Thank you. They don't want me to say who it is, but they're on KHVs. Best six minutes of your life, guarantee. Legend of Korra Fans: Skip to 4:38 to hear awesomeness.
