We only had our dog for two weeks, but he is about to die. He was only a puppy; just a few months old. We all love him. Everyone in our house is a total mess, including myself. I'm having to force myself to go to school to take finals.
I had the last class of one of the best courses I ever took and I discovered that my favorite movie site is shutting down. Cheer me up, KHV?
Part of what we covered in my Introduction to Creative Writing class this year was writing creative essays, or creative non-fiction. So, this is basically my final project for the year. It's something I really felt like covering as well as sharing, so I hope you enjoy it. No Day But TodayBy tummerI woke up on the morning of October 28th, 2013, rather earlier than what I was used to. I was having a rough time falling asleep the night before and I knew that I was barely going to be functional for that day of school. Part of me wanted to ask for the day off to celebrate, but that would mean catching up on things I was already behind on. With every little thing I saw, it became sentimental on this day. As I showered, I couldn’t help but stare at the scar down my chest. So much has changed about it within that short year. I remember the first time I was able to look down when I was in the hospital (the first time I can remember anyway) and looked at the bandages over the scar. And then those bandages came off, looking at how red and devastating the area was. The aching I was feeling mirrored how the scar appeared. After my shower, I went to the living room. At five in the morning, it was the only time I would be able to have control over the television in my big family. It didn’t take me long to find what movie I was going to watch: the 2005 adaptation of Johnathan Larson’s Rent. The story revolved around this group of friends living in New York City, some of which were suffering from the AIDS epidemic in the 90s. It has become a form of a ritual to watch this film—or at the very least, listen to the music—on the two most important days of my life: my birthday and the day I received my brand new heart. 525,600 minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?1At times, it feels like it hasn’t even been so long since I received my new heart. I always think back to the night of the 27th, when we got the phone call. We were celebrating my sister’s quinceanera. A month before then, I had been released from a three month stay in the hospital. I was quietly listening to music in my room when I was told the news that the doctors had found a heart. “Holy ****,” were my exact words. I called my friend Mary with the news before we left, and the next thing I can remember, we were well on our way to the UCLA emergency room. Back in the present moment, my family was slowly waking up and getting ready for their day while my focus was on the television. I know the musical by heart, but I don’t just sing along like it’s just another causal viewing. Today, I give each lyric the emphasis that it deserved. Before I knew it, Rent had reached its finale, and my siblings were all crowded around the television with me. As the credits roll, I gather my things for class as well as collect my medication. I’m to take my morning dosage in only a few minutes, but I pack away my night pills, even though I know that tonight I’ll be home in time to take them. I take Aspirin (81mg) in the mornings to prevent blood clots, Bactrim (1 pill) twice on Mondays and Thursdays to prevent heart rejection, Fish oil (1 pill) in the mornings, Magnesium (399 mg) three times a day as a supplement, Myfortic (720 mg) twice a day to prevent rejection, Norvasc (10 mg) in the morning to control my blood pressure, Pepcid (20 mg) twice a day to prevent ulcers, Pravachol (10 mg) twice a day to reduce my cholesterol level, Prednisone (3 mg) in the morning to prevent rejection, Prograf (1.5 mg) twice a day to prevent rejection, Tums (500 mg) twice a day as a calcium supplement, and Valcyte (450 mg) twice a day to prevent viral rejection. It’s hard to imagine that just a year ago, some of these had higher dosages as well as being on other medications. I carefully pack up my morning pills as well as my night-time medication. While I know that I’ll be home in time to take them, it has become a sort of habit to pack them just in case. I also make sure to pack up enough water bottles for the day, since my doctors instructed me that I cannot have any tap water to drink. Before the transplant, I only had to take a single medication that controlled my blood pressure, but now it’s turned into a giant list. I now keep taking these pills at 8AM and 8PM though, just like I have for the past year. It’s hard not to think back to all those emotions of that night. My entire family had heard the news through Facebook, many of whom were schedule plane flights or starting late night drives to be at the hospital when everything starts to happen. I had posted on a Kingdom Hearts2 forum that I frequent when I was admitted into the hospital, spreading the news that we have finally found a new heart. While there were many typical comments of happiness for me, the ones that clearly stand out were along the lines of “Don’t go dying now.” That dark humor is what kept me sane before the operation as well as the healing process. The darkness is a mask for the truth; ironic since my mask of optimism was what kept everyone else sane. My job in all of this was the easiest. At 7:30 the very next morning, the doctors put me to sleep and then what felt like a two second nap was really an eight hours surgery. The comments posted on the thread I made showed the insanity of what some of my friends went through, but I wonder what my own family was going through. Your mind always thinks about the best in any situation, but in a subject as heavy as this, it’s not out of the question if they ever contemplate what they saw as unthinkable. Those hours of unconsciousness and in surgery were spent in classrooms a year later, thousands of miles away. Between my many classes, I receive messages that very much mirror the night of the news. I’m happy that they acknowledge me, but it all feels a bit cliché, but to show that would be a sign of ingratitude to many. Those people don’t understand what real ingratitude feels like, no matter how much they characterize me of it. I’m not ungrateful because I want something other than praise for having come so far in a year. I know that this heart is a special gift. Above all, I know what it must mean to get my heart. A 27 year-old woman, who was in perfect health and had a hopeful life is now dead. She had left her body and her family behind, leaving her heart to beat within me. That is what causes much of my reflection on this day. Usually hearts come in a Styrofoam boxes, covered in ice, but mine was different. It was a new method of transportation that doctors wanted to test here in the States, already being approved in European countries. My new heart came beating in a box, pumping my donor’s blood, even when it’s no longer in the body. In one sense, she never really died since her heart never stopped beating. I’m simply borrowing her heart for the time being. There are days that I feel unworthy of this gift and the hardships that it brings on a daily basis. There are days where I want to just give up and give into the inevitable. Even with this new heart, I still lived on borrowed time. I’m given this amazing thing, and I get sacred. I feel absolutely selfish when I get depressed about my situation. Sharing this to the transplant community I found on a social media site called Tumblr, someone said that I “am allowed to feel whatever I wanted to” during this time in my life. Those words helped me feel less alone, knowing that there were others who had gone through the same struggling emotions I was. It’s okay for the only reason to keep on living is simply as a gesture for my donor. ~Days before my family had dug through my room and found a poem I had written for a poetry slam. I thought that it was an okay poem, simply writing it on a whim, but my mother had found it breathe-taking. The poem, Her Name Is, was part of a coping process I had begun earlier in the month. The poem itself was one of gratitude to the donor, someone who I have never known, but would love to meet. I named her Homura, based from a character of an anime that I was a big fan of, Puella Magi Madoka Magica. In the show, Homura has given everything to keep a friend off a dark fate, but nearly lost herself in the process3. She was a powerful, loving person, and I admired that about her. It would probably surprise my mother if I told her that the meaning of the name in my poem never occurred to me when I first named my heart. The poem was written on a whim, as I was waiting around one day. I decided to look up what “Homura” translated to since a lot of names in Japan are taken from words and phrases. In a show that was as symbolic as Puella Magi Madoka Magica, I had a feeling that the names of the character had a special meaning. In hiragana, there is no meaning, but if it is written in kanji, the name can mean fire or blaze (炎 or 焔), heart on fire (心火), mass of flame (炎叢), and village protector (保村). With that, I began to write, thinking about the idea of a mass of fire. Many see it as something that is destructive, but I associated it with something else. I thought of the mythology behind the Phoenix, a legendary bird that at the end of its life cycle bursts into flames, and then rises from the ashes as a chick, bringing new life. ...[Before] she can rise though, the scarlet bird must set fire hermajestic wings, inclosing itself in a ballfull of flames and pain......That's why her name is Homurawhich translates to "heart of fire"The name I gave my heart,Homura in order to save me, caused a scarthat will be a constant reminder of her sacrifice... Often, I wonder if my heart donor would like that name and what she thinks of my reasoning behind it. It would probably be better to ask what her family thinks of the name, if it accurately represents what her daughter was like in life. It would be nice to know who the family is, just so I would have someone to thank for all of this. All that I know about my donor heart is that it came from a 27 year-old female who was completely healthy. It is often the case that the donor family doesn’t wish to know about the heart recipient, which is respectful. The only thing that they asked about was that if the recipient of their daughter’s heart made it through the surgery, to which I was eager to give the doctors permission to say. I had through of doing research, looking in news reports or obituaries talking about the death of a 27 year-old woman who died in the Southern California region4. I had written a poem for them as well, as a thank you a month after the surgery, but I know none of my words can comfort for their loss. ~A full year after the surgery, that night, I sat down and ate spaghetti like it was nothing. It was a last minute party thrown together with all my family and friends. I never realize how much people care until they gather into a tiny room, conversations crowding over another. It had nearly mirrored that previous December, coming down to visit even though the doctor’s orders were not to travel or go to anywhere big the first three months after surgery. Christmas was still in the minds of many as they believed that they were celebrating another miracle. Another mirror between the two parties were the congratulations passed around. It is something expected, but I still don’t understand why it is done. Others say they are proud of me for something I have dealt with every day of my life. They know how I’ve suffered, but don’t understand how mundane survival has become a part of my life. I wake up, breath, try to live a good day, and sleep just like everybody else. Sure, I have hitches in my day like medication breaks, occasional blood draws, and countless hospital visits, but I never allowed that to ever defined or changed me. Still, now and then, they congratulate, and I accept, because although I feel that it is cliché, I know that they mean it from the bottom of their hearts. No one can know or mirror my struggle, which I have accepted as well. Sometimes, it is lonely, thinking I have no one to relate to. Then, there are times like today, a year after my surgery, where I know I am cared for. And while there is no hint of Finale B playing in the background, the sound of everyone enjoying a meal together is good enough. Footnotes 1. Seasons of Love, Music and Lyrics by Jonathan Larson. While in the stage production of Rent, the song is sung at the start of the second act, which is at the funeral of one of the characters, it is the opening number for the film. 2. Kingdom Hearts is a video game series which bring together the Final Fantasy franchise (owned by Square-Enix) and Disney. The series focuses on heroes who fight dark forces with weapons known as “Keyblades,” which have the power to unlock hearts, world keyholes, and even the legendary “Kingdom Hearts”. 3. Something about Puella Magi Madoka Magica that is often over looked is that in episode 10, it is revealed that Homura Akemi, at the beginning of the show’s timeline, had been released from the hospital after dealing with (unspecified) heart problems. 4. Due to my heart being transported through the special “heart-in-a-box” set up, it could have come from somewhere much further than what was originally possible with the “traditional” Styrofoam box.
Everyone remember that transplant I got just over a year ago. Well, today, in a few minutes, I'm going to have my annual catherization as well as other tests. Gonna be sore in a few hours. XDX
Holy cow! I was so impressed with what I saw. I only saw one trailer a few weeks ago, and it was my father who was dying to see it. I knew very little going in, but it was so great. Five minutes in, I knew I would enjoy this movie and would want to buy it on blu-ray.(and all that is character stuff). And if you couldn't tell, I haven't read the book. This movie is living proof that you can tell a great, meaniful, and powerful story that involves mindless fighting between aliens and humans piloting machines.
I have yet to pick up my bandanna, but I've already seen people running around, and all I can think is "HOLY ****ING CHRIST! WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!" My school doesn't allow Nerf guns, and I'm not sure if the school will provide us with "weapons" (balled up socks) upon pick up. I'm half tempted to use the socks on my feet, but that just seems very odd. So, any tips on how to outrun people who are taller and/or quicker than me?
I told you guys that I was getting my new heart. It's hard to believe that time has moved by so quickly. While not every day has been perfect, I'm glad that I got my new heart. I'm also glad to be a part of a supportive community that help me through this as well as helping with the healing process. Thanks a lot KHV!!
Yesterday, I went into the hospital for routine stuff; a blood draw and an X-ray to check on my ICD that is in my chest. Later on, I got a call from the doctor saying that I needed to go back in. The had found some sort of abnormality on my arm. This was alarming because one of the medications that I take that helps my heart has a side effect of giving me a more likely chance to get cancer. Today, I got an X-ray and a CT scan. The early results are saying that it is a non-specific abnormality. Because of the ICD, I cannot get a MRI scam, or else I would have gotten that as well. On Monday, I'll have to call to schedule a bone scan as well as other tests. So, yeah, there is a chance that it could be nothing, but there is also a chance that it may be cancer. All day, I've been a bit depressed (yesterday was just me in pure shock mode) and this just sucks. I know that worrying about it won't help, but it's one of those things that can't be helped.
Holy fucking shit, guys! It was awesome! The music was just great, and the concert footage was just amazing. The Dan DeHaan stuff is very out of place, but it all is just a giant build to Enter Sandman. When that time comes, it pays off like crazy. I didn't go for the story though. It was amazing to see Metalica performing though; like, you can see the passion on their faces when they are performing. They are in absolute bliss being on stage. Now I understand the same high people got after watching Pacific Rim.
We have to travel a ways, so the station on the radio we were listening to went out. So, my mom decided to flip through the different stations. There was this Spanish one that I had her stop on because this guy was talking (I do not understand Spanish) but I was listening to the background music. They were playing Deep Dive. OH MY GOD So, yeah, I freaked out my mom because I recognized Kingdom Hearts music on the radio. Just like the time I heard Simple and Clean at Disneyland.
C'mon KHV, let's do this! Spoiler View attachment 36824 My bet Spoiler 1 dies by Jessie 2 dies by Jessie 3 dies by Walter 4 lives 5 dies by Jessie 6 lives 7 dies by Walter 8 dies by Jessie 9 dies by Walter 10 lives 11 lives 12 dies by Walter 13 dies by Walter 14 lives 15 lives 16 lives The ricin is for Walter
And I'm at the Chernanbog boss and my party members are basically useless. My brother is in here watching me play. He's nine. In the middle of the battle, he blurts out "Go Donald! Way to die!"
I am literally a mess of emotions right now. I really don't know how to handle them, KHV. All I'm doing right now is eating my feelings. ;~;
So yeah, yesterday I turned 21. I asked my doctor, and he says it's okay for me to have the occasional drink. So, my cousins decided to take me out last night and went to an Applebee's. and what was my first drink you may ask? It was an appletini. I have to say that it was very sweet, almost like a red slushed. Everyone seemed to be enjoying them (everyone got an appletini), although there was a general disappointment that they were red instead of green. I'll need to make a mental note that the next time I get one, I'll need to tell them to make it a Granny Smith instead of a red delicious.
After Mama, this was the funniest movie of the year so far.
Usually, I can find a few really good books (half of my library is probably books from that store), and I decided to look through the manga that they had there. They usually don't have a lot or have nothing real interesting (they do have plenty of original Japanese print manga though). While searching, I found the first volume of something called Confidential Confessions. The whole idea of it being a dark and depressing manga got me interested. Holy crap, the first story really got to me. Good plotting, okay characters, but really well done. Now I kind of wish I did get volume 4 there as well if I had realized that they're not continuing stories,
After picking up my press pass for Anime Expo, I went up to the lounge for the press party that they were having. I made it my goal to at least talk to three different people, slowly coming out of my quiet shell. It turned out better than I thought. I actually talked to six people, most of which were good conversations. However, there was a group of girls I was talking to. One of the girls was very familiar to me, but it took a while for me to guess who she looked like. She looked like my cousin who lives in New Mexico. It made a bit of sense because my cousin is really into anime, and it was a cool coincidence. But I need to learn to keep certain things to myself. I turned back after saying goodbye and said to the girl "Did you know you look just like my cousin?" Have you ever had one of those moments where you witness a car crash? When you're in something you can't control, so everything begins to move in slow motion? I shit you not, that is what exactly happened to me. I wanted to just shut up. There was an awkward stare, an even more awkward banter and I left feeling defeated.
Hey, is anyone here going to Anime Expo this year? Edit: KH-Vids Anime Expo Meet-upFriday, July 5, 20135:30 PMIn front of the Tank near the South Entrance of the Los Angeles Convention Center
I'm going to perform the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. Anyone have a cat I can borrow?
Okay, I'm just going to start with that I had not read the original novel I haven been told by many that it is very enjoyable. I have also been told, ever since the first trailers popped up, that it was going to be nothing like the original novel. Since I didn't read the source material, I had no real attachment. I will say that I was very skeptic of it being any good when I first walked in. Trailer had bad CGI, it was pretty scattered, and the action sequences seemed very typical. I will say that if you want to see a faithful adaption of the book, I've been told this movie is not for you (of course, whenever is there going to be a true faithful adaption of anything). After watching it, I was completely impressed with what they did. Yes, the CGI wasn't the greatest, and the action did nothing too big for me, but that wasn't something that bothered me. It was the story that really drew me in. That short time where Brad Pitt is with his family got me invested both in him and in the family. The movie made sure to make time for me to actually give a damn about the main character, which is something action movies ever do. It was also clever in getting around the whole zombie issue. It wasn't just gun wielding and running. There were actually some places where they used their brains. Also, with it being PG-13, they were really creative in some of the more "gory" parts. I will say that the parts that made me cringe didn't have any zombies in the scenes (although they were pretty creepy at points). Spoiler The entire third act had me really invested. Going through the B wing was the most intense moment of the film for me. And when they said that only a disease could help the humans in camouflaging against the zombies, I pretty much guessed the ending, but it was still amazing to watch. It was really something that I hadn't seen in zombie lore, and I felt that it made sense with what they had established prior.
