Idea thieved from someone else on a different forum. Do you experience inner monologue? The voice that just won't shut up, chitchatters and keeps you up; sidetracking here, but insomnia is commonly caused by an obnoxious inner voice. Related wiki articles: Stream of consciousness, Train of thought, Internal monologue, Mind-wandering, Visual language, Subvocalization, Consciousness Articles that may help you to better understand, just found them interesting. Haven't read through most of it myself, skimmed it through. I myself seldom experience this voice, if ever. My mind is akin to that of an animal's, no language; little snippets of memory and visuals flash by and string into a mesh. Close my eyes when writing, open it to scribble scrabble. Quoting myself word for word, I am slow in thought - or perhaps it is that it is thought of in the wrong format, and must correct myself and verbalize it. Quoting a user from that same forum.
As my last thread dedicated to purely insulting was shut off and permanently locked, we now have this - compliment the user above you - a flip of the other. So, a more family friendly version of the last. And look who's first. Fondle me with your highest form of flattery, pls. ;)
Because I had nothing better to do. But I am talentless. Without talent, without skill, without knack. Sized 150 x 150 Spoiler: Icons ...I admit to being just a tad obsessed with puppetry; dolls, marionettes, etc.
Something worth noting before all else, by "relationship" I am not referring strictly to those of the romantic variety, but rather... any relationship, friendship or not. Not necessarily limited to purely romantic relations or the sating of fleshly urges. And also, section this thread is in feels slightly off. Not just help with life per se, but up for discussion too. Hmmm... which section to assort it into... Wishing to meet a good friend of mine offline - have been in strong, consistent contact for some time now, at least a year or so. Those who frequent Voxli, or who know me, will probably know who I am speaking of right away, lucky you. A real, face to face meeting; would require so much trust from both parties, to be okay with meeting this stranger that is yet somehow not a stranger. Unfortunately for me, she lives across the country, and parents are less than willing to allow me to see her. For the obvious reasons, and this warrants a quote from HeIsDead (and yes, Alex, I do memorize quotes, be very afraid, everything that you say is stored in the database), "hurr durr everyone on the internet is a child rapist." <--- parents' thought process Becomes problematic when you are as young as I, cannot make it there on my own. Would need parents' assistance, but they won't assist. Have friends, but all of them are long distance; two offline friends that have long since gone and moved, two e-friends. And I find it insulting that one of the first questions my mother asked was, "Is this girl your lover?" How supportive of you, mother. Almost as if she were mocking my serious tone, as if a mere friendship could not possibly be enough to stir up such emotion within me. If it was a joke, was not funny, not exactly laughing material. Ask only to be turned down, and this is why I do not consult my parents for anything important. But now we are getting off topic, beside the point, what I really want to hear... Personal experiences. Ever met any e-friends? If so, how did it go? Colorful and vivid examples, details included, would be much appreciated. Much more to be said, but will end it here for now.
Have enough sex threads as it is, though I suppose one more addition to the growing collection couldn't hurt, now could it? Risking soundin' like a broken record with this genital nonsense, I must come off as perverted. Don't mean to, and not really "perverted" per se, just curious is all. Or, maybe I am. But a good deal of perversion is necessary in order to remain functioning, happy and healthy and whatnot. I guess most just don't come out with it as open as I. For those mindless goons that are unaware, the differences between sex/gender in this spoiler. Painful to see how oblivious to it some are, and they are mixed up more often then one might think. Skip this if you are a literate little know-it-all. Spoiler As for me, I am biologically a female, but identify with neither females nor males. This may be partially due to my age, too young to have established a specific role. But I somehow doubt it - see my girlish peers in their short-shorts and high-heels, see them painted in their makeup and watch them flip their hair flirtatiously. Thought that such roles were not founded until far later in life, but it seems that everyone else my age has developed much faster than myself; my body has evolved accordingly, yet my mind remains intact and untouched. If not that, then it is because I find it difficult to identify with humans in general. And how could you possibly expect someone who cannot even feel human - cannot even feel comfortable in their own skin - to be able to identify with a set gender? Oh yeah, and votes are public. EDIT: I should have probably posted this in the discussion section, but the district is too serious for my tastes. Like a tang of spam to go with, cannot get that in the discourse sec. Here my posts mean nothing, but hey, whatever...
You will do me first, and then I shall dutifully reciprocate by slamming your head against a nearby wall. The cranium shatters, and blood splatters. Your cranium, that is. Your blood, that is. And I will mop up your mockery with sneers and jeers, and I will run rampant with ridicule. I will win this game.
It just occurred to me that I do not know my months in order. Never bothered learning it, never picked it up; twelve terms that I cannot put into chrononological order. Why even bother at this point, memorizing whimsical words coined by monkeys. Oh, but whatever, in the end this is just an attempt at justifying my faulty memory. I do not remember things that do not matter, things that do not hold significance - holidays happen to be one such thing. Still, you would think that, after having it crammed down my throat year after year, it would sink in... Come to think of it, I do not know dates either. When is Christmas? The 25th, right? Mother's day is coming up soon, apparently. Was on a Sunday, if I recall correctly. This Sunday? While we're at it, when is Halloween? Just random musings of mine. If it bores you, feel free to ignore the above and share thoughts of your own on nonsensical issues such as this. That, or post photos of your favorite animal(s).
Disclose it. When did you first discover sex, and how did it transpire? Did it frighten you, did you shun it? Are you at terms with it now, and if so, how did you settle it? Furthermore, what age do you believe is appropriate, or normal, for one to first discover sexuality? Should one wait for marriage before engaging in sexual activity? While there is a strong argument for sex before marriage being unsuitable, is there any harm to be found in masturbation? My curiosity is omnidirectional, so you may expand on this however you would like to. In the poll, by "learn of" I meant masturbation. When did you first discover the lurid touch?
After mulling this over thoroughly, I have drawn the conclusion that, if this belongs anywhere, it belongs in the "Help With Life" section. A description of myself. Heartfelt, forthright, and to the point. Wait, no... not to the point, sorry. You wanted me genuine, and writing down my thoughts is as genuine as it gets. Unfortunately, I have difficulty thought processing, so this will probably end up variegated. I do like that word. VARIEGATED. Impromptu and whatnot. This is me, writing down my thoughts without editing. Or, with little editing. Candid. Frank. REAL. Tangible. Wait, no, back on track... I will not say who, but someone who I will term "asshat" dared me t... Dared me to do this. Let's just get this over with already... Well, aren't you a little ****er. You KNEW that I had difficulty describing myself, me being dissociated, detached. You knew. How ever am I supposed to begin this? I must admit, you are clever. Sly. How am I supposed to begin this? This is nothing more than the prologue, I have not even begun. Instead of doing what you requested, I will defy you and write down my current thoughts on this... I must admit that I fear you thinking of this as ingenuine, insincere. I hope that no one thinks that. You told me to write clearly and coherently, but I am afraid that I am not going to do that. Or, no... the prologue will be incoherent, but I promise to put in an effort at coherency while actually describing my personality. I really should get to it, I have not even started. Jesus Christ, if the introduction to this thread ends up being longer than the actual thing, I am going to tear out my spleen and devour it. Why am I wasting time with this? Alright, alright. Start. ----- Before I get started, something worth noting in case you missed it; rather obvious, but I find it arduous, difficult describing myself. While nearing psychosis, I wrote a post on identity on here that some of you may have seen. Identity is watery. We fluctuate so much, I do not understand the question. I find it hard to differentiate, to set boundaries. Articulation, man, I suck at that. I need to learn to express myself properly, but words are limiting. Who am I? Well... (really starting now, I bullshitted before, but the prologue will end here.) Had any of you spent a good amount of time near me, getting to know me, you may have realized that I am self-conscious. Seemingly indifferent to most, many have commented on how I tend to act like I don't care about others. Far from the truth, that. Deep down, I believe that I do care. I mask it, I am unaware of it, but it does surface whilst feeling particularly human. Caring, it's there. Emotions, they're there. Lacking, but that does not mean that there is an absence of them; I think that I subconsciously hide them. Out of sight, out of mind. I would like to think of myself as very human. I am not in tune with myself, which only shows just how human I am. If I am incorrect, please do not correct me. This is what I would like to believe, don't go and ruin it. "Your sensor is broken," as Sforzaro put it. Offline, I feel that I lack a self. I cannot connect with myself, so naturally, I cannot connect with others. Sounds plausible, in theory. Online, I am a bit of an attention whore. My writing is replete with "exaggerations and exclamations," as said by Chevalier. Though he meant it to be derogatory, I had actually been flattered. How catchy, how rhythmic; exaggerations and exclamations! But, back to point. Please pardon me there, for I am not an entirely reliable conductor. Before we get into how I act online, let's further that description of myself offline. That was most certainly not satisfactory. Offline, I am dismissive. Empty and seemingly barren, devoid of stimulus. Submissive, probably because I do not feel "there". Depersonalized, that would be a good word for it. Just going through the motions. I do not feel like a person, and I do not like myself offline. That's all you need to know, that I am more of a marionette offline. I do not consider that to be my personality, no, that is just degrading. I'm a human too. That's deceiving, that's not me. I can just keep writing and writing, but I do not think that it will ever be enough to wholly describe myself... I feel much more myself online. Still submissive, but with a hint of assertiveness. I have been accused of being overly critical, but those that accuse me of such probably do not know me well enough. I am offended by anyone who accuses me of being rude. No, that's rude. I constantly feel as if I am not liked on here, though I suppose if I am as critical as they claim me to be, then I can see why. Alright, already I am tired of writing. I'm so sorry. In a futile attempt to compensate, I will give you a glimpse into a conversation I had with someone. Here, I briefly skim my codependent nature. Not going to show the whole conversation, no, sorry. I apologize, for this feels incomplete. Half-finished. I will go on in future posts, if you so desire it... Also, insight on me from a member on another forum who shall remain anonymous. My self-esteem wavers constantly, I go from thinking of myself as superior, to thinking of myself as inferior. Self-deprecating, yes, that. I initiate conversations by leaving it vague, mythificating myself. He is spot on... In addition to all that has been said, my feelings are ambiguous. I have difficulty distinguishing between friendship and romance. The depth of love, and all that jazz. It's more than just that, but I experience troubles with that one the most. Will elaborate, if anyone wants me to... I'm done. I do not feel any regret yet, no shame for typing this. It may hit me later, if someone actually replies to this massive wall of text. As I see it: I live in the present, not the future. Screw disgrace, I am going to post this before I can give consent. I spent at least a good hour typing this up, and I will not let it go to waste. Please tell me, you monsters: are you satisfied?
See, Zter. This is where you are wrong. Debate, dispute, discussion! It has recently come to my attention that Zter, a fine friend of mine, has been banned. I am to spread the word, share the news. Forum, I am not ready for this. This is similar to the loss of a loved one - surely you can relate, no? Zter may be a pretentious *******, but despite that, I believe that he is good at the core; spoonfeeding us our daily meal of sarcasm, Zter makes sure that we are all well fed. Moderators, rethink this decision. If Zter is banned, we will suffer from a severe shortage of scorn. Sarcasm, satire. We all need a bit of it in our lives. I side by my friends, Zter. Pretentious or not, this forum is in need of your presence. But, as Zter would say: I'll be alright tho
Give me a nickname. I will check on this thread later and pick a nickname out of the ones listed. That name will become my official nickname. It will be inherent. For life, until I meet my demise. Make it good. Prerogative, exclusive, special. Unique. Remember, this is me!
I assume that this is some ongoing fad that has recently started. I will go along with it as well. Forum, enlighten me. The positives and the negatives. Be as veracious, as straightforward as possible. Go on, now...
I SHALL DO IT BETTER THAN MACHAZO. Request it, and I shall reveal your true color.
Quite, quite.
...then what is a what? Spoiler
It has come to my attention that What? is not a what. He has lied to us all, played us for a fool - and for what? He deceived you all, but he had never passed by me. I see through his lies. Ladies and gentlemen, I only have but one bit of evidence, but I am certain that this will be more than plenty... Spoiler [video=youtube;YIp0UknXmvQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIp0UknXmvQ[/video]
It has come to my attention that I need a ship to sail. Makaze or Zter, guys; your pick. LOL REFERENCES I VOTED FOR ZTER, GUISE.
Poll on your sexuality. Vote. Your votes shall be anonymous. Thank you. EDIT: Not sure why I put "transexual" in there; messed up.
