*gives congratulations tickle glomp* That is all. :3
Aww... I wish I could be there to help you, cutie. :o Unfortunately, I've got work so I'm going to bed now. I hope it's not a side-effect or anything. I seriously doubt it, though. Take some medicine or whatever and try to sleep it off. I'll talk to you later, my cute, gigglicious hypno-ticklee. :)
See? I told you hypnosis had benefits. Whenever you want to do it again... :D And I hope you and Debs had fun. ;)
Hey Amby? When you get up for school in a few hours, could you tell me if the post-hypnotic suggestion for not being tired worked? I wanna know if I gave it to you correctly. :3
I'm sorry. :( If you want, I could try to relax you if you want. :o
You mean putting you in a waking trance until after 12:00? As much as I hate to admit it, you going to sleep at 11:00 should've been priority. I could make an excuse that we won't get to do much until after 10:00, but if you seriously are becoming tired... :sideways:
Well, you had a busy day. I hope you and Debs have fun. :3
Amby. I'm glad we made up. X3
Internal Conflict "You fool! She no longer trusts you. Look at her!" I turned my gaze over toward her quivering form. I saw the hurt look in her eyes. There was a glimmer of fear and doubt in there. And the worst part? It was my hands that caused her that pain. I whipped around at the speaker, Evil DF. I tried to keep him in check. But through me, he managed to hurt the one person that I cared about most. The anger bubbled up inside me as he taunted me with that evil cackle. "See? No matter how many times you try to keep me suppressed, I'll eventually win in the end." I felt my fists begin to tense and curl even more as he tapped his temple thoughtfully. "Face it. You and I will always be destined to never have the pleasure of being in a relationship. We're going to live and die alone." His hard stare pierced into mine. "You're a pathetic loser and you'll NEVER be happy for as long as you live!" "SHUT THE F*** UP!" Any thoughts about using weapons quickly fled from my mind as I rushed at him, catching off guard. I quickly disarmed him of his weapons and began to brawl with nothing but my fists. "You don't know me! You're always the one who destroys my happiness! Why won't you just leave me alone?!" I slammed my fist into his smug face again and again. Try as I might, he just wouldn't stop chuckling. As trickles of blood began to flow from his nostrils and mouth, I was numbly aware of the fact that I could feel the blood flow from my own. After all, he was me. And I was him. "Face it. I'm ALWAYS going to be here, as your Shadow. The only reason I'm still here is because you've learned to accept me. And believe it or not, so did she. Both of us." I was seriously pissed off. I wanted to keep wailing on him, despite any damage I inflicted would just be mirrored onto my own body. I wanted to destroy him once and for all. But I wouldn't be able to do that without destroying myself. And there lay the dilemma. Killing him would mean that I'd be killing the person that she fell in love with in the first place. I...didn't know what to do.
That's what caused the whole thing in the first place. Is because I had a good thing and I was trying to keep it that way so hard that I became impatient. And I forgot myself in a critical moment. :sideways: Dude. Don't mention hypnosis. That's what got me into this whole stupid thing in the flippin' first place. I overstepped my boundaries and that's what led to this. And from my knowledge in the field, I can just say right now that suppressing memories is a big no-no. The only reason you'd want to erase any memories is that if it's traumatizing enough to affect your everyday life in a severe way. And I know EXACTLY how she reacted. I have the 30 minute recording that'll haunt me for the rest of my life until she forgives me. I'm having a hard time not seeing her look of fear and crying in my memory. It was like...like I raped her or something. Which I think technically, I might've been doing without realizing it. To see her in that state, I'm ashamed to have tried the damn thing in the first place. And I know I should have patience, but I really feel like we should talk this out. Not because I'm impatient, but rather the time we have together is limited to begin with. And I don't want to spend the rest of the semester asking for her forgiveness when we could just be having fun.
The ONE girl that likes me back. The ONE girl that liked me for who I was. The ONE girl that I enthusiastically adored tons and didn't care what I looked like and loved me for my personality. The ONE girl that I actually had a REALLY great relationship with. And I F***ING screw up. AGAIN. I broke her trust. Overstepped my boundaries. And guess what? I end up destroying my happiness with the exact same reason that none of my other previous relationships worked. My ego. My usually depressed-but-overly-inflated-if-not-kept-in-check ego. Seriously. This when I usually want to knock the crap out of me. I'm not exactly depressed. I'm more extremely angry with myself. For breaking her trust. For making her scared of me. For not wanting to talk to me. And the most frustrating part is that I'm usually the person she can talk to whenever she's got a problem. Or feeling down. Or had a stressful day. Or to be the only guy that likes her true self because everyone else in her real life doesn't like her bottled-up personality. And you know something? I'm just fed up with this crap. I finally had a light shining through my darkness. I was getting my hopes up that we could actually pull this off. I was starting to see the future becoming bright and positive. But no. My dark self, the "Evil DF" inside of me finally overpowered my judgment. I was so focused on trying to keep her happy that I didn't realize that I was letting my suppressed, immoral self creep its way into my mind. And then I did the one thing that I swore I would never do. I let my guard down and ended up scaring her and breaking her trust. I'm not sure what to do with myself. My one big chance and I screw up. I've apologized. I've promised never to do it again (and we both know how important and serious a promise is). But what's done is done and I can't take it back. Heh. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone. Never to be able to hold onto a budding relationship for more than a few months. I still feel like she's the one. But now she'll always have a glimmer of doubt. And that's not something that I can erase. I don't really know what I'm really asking for. It's a long-distance relationship so we can't actually go and talk to each other face-to-face. So we've never officially met. The age difference is about 8-9 years. She's everything that I've ever dreamed about. And I lost it. I lost her and I can't get her back. Things will never be the same between us. She won't ever fully trust me. I've thought about suicide. But I know that's never the answer. Besides, why should I be upset over something that happens through the net? Because it wasn't just the net. We've actually talked to each other through the phone. Her parents were cool with me. She was cool with me. Seriously, I don't want to take a break from her. I liked being trusted and adored and able to reciprocate the feeling. But I guess there's no point in worrying about it, right? I don't even know why I'm even posting this here. The most likely advice I'm going to get is "Take a break, give her space, she'll forgive you when she's ready." There's also the "So? You lost one girl. So what? Just find another one. And if you can't, then your social skills suck. Quit crying about it and move on." Then there's the "I know how you feel, dude. But if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. She'll probably forget you and move on with her own life. There's no reason to be stuck on her." Oh, and did I mention the whole "You screwed up. You made the same mistake and you knew you were making it. You should see a psychiatrist or something. Because if you know what the mistake was, you should've gotten it fixed years ago." There's also "Why are you in a relationship with her in the first place?! Couldn't you have gotten someone that's more around your age range?" And before anyone suggests it, no. I cannot buy anything for her. At least not yet anyway. So that's it. The girl that I truly hope is the one doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't really do anything else to fix it if she doesn't want to talk to me. I wish that I could just wake up in the morning and hope that it was all a bad dream. But no. I'm not going to fool myself like that. She doesn't trust me. She doesn't like me. I hurt someone that I truly care about. I guess the only reason that I'm really saying any of this is because I'm a writer and I needed to let off some steam. Not the most creative way to do it, but at least I have my initial feelings in text.
Amber, I know you're going to be checking here eventually. But I wanted to apologize for last night. I'm really sorry. I guess all I can hope for is that you'll forgive me. I guess I'm not as good as we both thought. So, I guess I'm going to give us both a little space. I wish that I was still the person you could turn to whenever you wanted to talk, but I guess that's not going to happen for awhile. Well, I guess I really have no point on being here anymore, so... *turns invisible*
OMG! I am SO sorry! I forgot to give you the post-hypnotic suggestion of waking up refreshed in the morning. :sweatdrop: I can't apologize enough. I hope you didn't feel tired at school today. :( But whenever I go back and watch that entire final sequence again, I can't help but notice how dreamy and peaceful your face is... :o And you only typed that up because you probably wanted me to know how you really felt after the experience. Kinda like a post-session interview or something.
Whenever you want to make out that passionately again, you know who to call. ;) And no. No Ghostbusters jokes. :sigh: EDIT: Wait. Did you just say that I'm more epic than cookies? :blink: Wow. You must REALLY have liked that goodnight kiss.
Yeah. We both know what you'd prefer to be doing before going to bed... :sly:
I think you weren't the only one who was hypnotized. :p I can't stop watching your hypno-tickled form squirming from being "not ticklish." ;)
Oooh, skiing? Sounds fun and yet competitive. :)
Well, you have an adorable giggle and making you ticklish on command whenever you deny you're not is too good to pass up. 8D
Hopefully that work perv has at least some ethics. :huh: Oh, definitely. I hope you didn't feel tired or anything during class. And considering you were pretty much my own personal "Tickle-Me-Amby" doll, I can't wait to talk to you again. x3 Hello! ;)
Amby, I'm hoping that the waking trance lasts long enough until I get back. Because I know you and I both enjoyed last night. :D
