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Double standards, particularly with looks, is an issue that angers a lot of people. If a woman is rejected by a man because of her looks, the man is labelled as a misogynistic pig for not respecting the way she looks, and “sexually objectifying” women into his own preference. If the tables were turned, however, the man would be told to “harden the f*ck up” because “the woman is allowed to be attracted to whatever she wants”.

I suggest here, as shallow as it sounds, that everyone is entitled to have a “type”. Everyone has the right to be attracted to whatever they’re attracted to without fear of being labelled “sexist”.

A man should not be forced into a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman he does not find physically attractive because society will label him as a “misogynist pig” otherwise.

A man should be entitled to go after a girl he finds physically attractive, and reject a girl he doesn’t, AND be rejected by a girl who doesn’t find him attractive.

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This works the other way, too. A woman has the right to go after a man she finds physically attractive, and reject someone she doesn’t find attractive, AND be rejected by a man who doesn’t find her attractive.

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Why? Because physical attraction has some importance in a relationship, or at least in choosing a potential partner. This still applies to people who say that they value someone’s personality over their looks, and I agree with you all. But if you had to choose between two guys who were equally incredibly nice, you would still go for the more physically attractive one, would you not?

The truth is-everyone is beautiful, objectively. What I mean by this is, disregarding subjective opinions, society and the media are slowly (VERY, very slowly) accepting all body types across all genders as beautiful, thus changing and defining the “expected” objective standards of beauty. We have seen a rise in women who are proud of their weight, and we have begun acknowledging that fat-shaming AND skinny-shaming is wrong. I believe there is still a long way to go in accepting all body types for males, as the standard in magazines is still "roided-up", but we are making progress.

However, subjectively we aren't all beautiful. SUBJECTIVELY our looks are rated and ranked in other people’s individual minds. Some guys would not find me as attractive as a small Asian girl with big boobs, for example. Other guys may find me more attractive than that. That doesn’t make the latter guy a better person than the former one, they just have different types.

TL;DR (Main points):
Everyone is entitled to have their own “type”
Being more attracted to one person than another does not make you a terrible person
Looks have some importance in choosing a potential partner, even if personality comes first.

SO: Do you agree with the above main points? Why/Why not?

This is definitely not a HWL thing. This is not a "I'm so miserable and lonely" thing. I actually would like to see some opinions on it.

I recently spoke to a friend of mine who was scared of getting into a relationship because they were worried they would mess up.
I suppose I was the only one who thought that, but it's a very real and very common fear.
I've pretty much vowed against getting into a relationship for this reason, among other reasons, for almost a year now. But why do us singles have such a strong fear of this?

Well, those of us who have been through break-ups, not necessarily bad ones, but just in general, and even those who have observed mishaps in other relationships, will have some negative perception of what a relationship is like. We don't want a relationship because we don't want to mess up, we don't want to fight, we don't want to get hurt and if we part, we want to still be able to see the other person without being spiteful in any way. Seeing as a healthy relationship can't provide us with that, we make peace with the friendzone-wherein we have put ourselves and other people. We like to feel like we're in control of our lives, and some of us have observed, and even experienced, the uncertainty and instability that a relationship can bring. For this reason, we like staying single. We have control, stability and independence.

"The trick is not to avoid the pain, but instead not to mind it."

When it comes to dating, many of us women who consider ourselves "stronger", with kind of a "DIY" personality, find it hard to be in a relationship. It's like you have to "find the strength to be more vulnerable". This in itself is a terrifying thought. Opening up? Eventually having to say "I love you" to someone?! OH HELL NAW I'M OUTTA HERE! :p The honest truth is that we don't want to get hurt. And I know myself-I've built a bunch of walls that have made me very cold, and I kinda come across as heartless (KH reference points? ;) ) and I don't want to hurt others.

So when my relatives keep asking me at weddings, "Why don't you have a boyfriend? You're a beautiful girl!" It's because I'm afraid to have one. When people ask me "how are you still single?!" It's because I like it. And when people ask me "Aren't you worried about being alone?" Well yeah of course, but this will only last until I'm mature enough to accept that relationships have pain and I can deal with it without ending the relationship. Until that happens, I'm actually fine with it :)

Tl;dr: Relationships aren't all that sucky. There are fights, there is pain, but there is also love *pukes* :p but if you're scared, just enter one when you really, really feel ready :)



Do you agree with this? Have you ever felt this way? What would you do to combat a fear of being hurt in a relationship, if you really liked someone?

A few months ago, I moved from my little house to this place in the city. It's awesome, I get a great view, everything is 10 minutes away, and everything that's not 10 minutes away is easily accessible via public transport-buses, trains, ferries and such.

Since moving to the city, I also focused on getting really good marks at uni and getting a second job to support all things music, so I've been fairly busy, but not completely blocked up.
Here's the thing: I've moved from being 15 minutes away from my friends, to at least 1.5hrs by public transport. Nobody is bothered to visit me, even though I would be more than willing to visit them (getting home would be my only issue because I don't drive). I have gone to my friends' birthdays on the other side of town and had my fun, but they don't come in the city, and well it's fair enough; this place is quite annoying.

This was okay and understandable, and I knew this was going to be an issue when I moved to the city, but I knew I could work around it. But now I find myself becoming increasingly lonely. My two jobs are both in hospitality, so I constantly serve groups of people having a rad time. All it does is make me think that I should do something with my friends, but they wouldn't want to come along. Hell, none of them showed up to my birthday. They're good people, I'm just not in a very convenient location for them.

I feel like it's this cycle. It's like they can't visit me, they don't organise any events with me, so I don't visit them, so I can't organise anything with them, because they can't visit me etc etc etc. I'm losing some great people in my life and I need to stop it before it gets worse.

The other thing that's been bugging me is my new job. I love it, it's a lot of fun, but I've gotten the worst anxiety trying to be friends with the people I work with. They're all a massive bunch of social people, and I've just retreated back to my little bubble of anxiety, and I'm not really sure how to get out of it. You know when you're meeting new people, and you try to talk, and they give you the weirdest look and it makes you feel really bad about yourself? yep. While my old friends are doing their thing, I figure it would be good for me to meet some new people that I see regularly in the same area, especially seeing as uni is finished for the year and I'm not socialising. But I just can't get into the rhythm of talking and meeting new people and being social, even though it's something I really want to do. The other thing I should mention is that my new job only needs me to work on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, so I can't go to things my other friends organise anyway.

I feel like I'm trapped in this little bubble of anxiety and loneliness and I'm never going to get out. I feel like my old friends are terrible people, even though I completely understand them, and that I won't find anyone new and friendly around here. I feel hopeless. I feel like I'm not putting enough effort in, or that this is all really my fault. I don't know what to do. Will things just get better? Do I have to give it time? Because I haven't had a decent social outing in over 6 months and I'm pretty worried. Help?