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I swear, at some point I will get completely back into doing these things. But I don't think now is that time...sorry. Cnc well and truly appreciated

More than anything, I really just need to vent about what's been going on. Your input is muchly valued and appreciated :)

Situation 1: the Family/financial side of things.
My brother is getting married in Greece in July. Nice location, home country, everything is really pretty and grand and whatever. My sister is then planning a whole Europe trip with me, my other brother, and her boyfriend. My share of the trip is going to cost me $3000. I currently have just under $1000.
Now normally this wouldn't be a problem: I have 4 months to make $2000. If I save up I can pay for myself. The problem being that a few weeks ago I lost my job. I worked at a local cafe and it closed down because my boss ran out of money.
I've been trying to look for a job since, but either nobody's hiring or I don't get any shifts. I also have to quit my singing lessons until the trip because that's $200 a month that I can't afford to spend.
My parents have offered to pay for my share of the trip, but they're already paying for the wedding, our flights, and their own Europe trip. The last thing I want to do is plonk another $3000 on their shoulders.
The worst part about all of this is I'm supposed to be excited for it-I haven't been overseas in 12 years! But I'm becoming increasingly angry at my brother (the one who's getting married) for virtually no reason. Like, if they just had the wedding here there wouldn't be a problem! I can put off going overseas until I actually have enough money to do so. It's not their fault that they wanted to have a glamorous wedding on a Greek island. It's a wonderful idea. I just feel really guilty about having my parents pay for my share. I'm the youngest, no doubt I'll be labelled the "spoilt brat" of the family.
So if I go to Europe, I go either really broke, or really guilty, or both.

Situation 2: the music side of things
With all the stress of finding a job, I haven't been able to focus on my music, to the point where I'm starting to lose my passion for it. Being a singer was all I ever wanted to do with my life. I always imagined being on stage in front of thousands and being awesome. But I've really lost my passion for it.
I've been trying to write a song for years. Something that I was really happy with, something that I could share with the world, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I can't write any good lyrics. I've run out of inspiration for my songs. I've run out of happy things to write about. I've had my teacher help me out with my songs, and he ends up changing the entire thing without telling me what I did wrong. So then a song that gets released under my name is just his lyrics. Don't get me wrong, he's great and so enthusiastic and he knows exactly what he's doing, but whenever he does that I just don't feel the song any more.
I also don't have the confidence at all to share any of my original songs. I have pages of half written things that I just don't want to show anyone. Songs are a very personal thing to share-they're made up of my thoughts and feelings.
But the conclusion I came up with was: If I can't write songs, and I'm too self-conscious to even share them, then why am I still trying to be an artist? I don't have the creativity or the confidence for it, there's no point.

Situation 3: the social side of things
I think the worst part about life at the moment is that I can't open up to my friends about any of this. One of my close friends-the person I would usually vent to, has gotten himself a car, a job & a driver's licence and possibly a girlfriend all in the space of about 3 months-like everything just magically happened for him. At the moment he's so high on life and I don't want to disturb that. I'll feel awful for making him feel bad or worry about me.
My social anxiety has come back, and it is legitimately through the roof. I haven't had anxiety this bad since about the 8th grade: when I was terrified to go to school because of what people would say to me. Lately I've had panic attacks before going to see my friends for the same reason. I don't want to screw up anything. I don't want people to give me sh*t for anything. We're all fairly insulting in our sense of humour, and the way I'm perceived is the 'strong' type-one who is able to brush things off quite easily. I don't know what could happen if I'm in a social situation and I can't take the insults I get. I don't know what they'll think, and that uncertainty is enough to make me panic and not go. Our group is generally caring and will give me advice, but I'm petrified of opening up as it is (there are 5 people in the entire world I trust completely). Lately people have noticed that I've been more quiet, though nobody really knows why. That's just another thing to think about-don't say anything bad, don't do anything you'll be insulted for, but don't stay completely quiet either.
Normally they don't affect me this much, but I think everything else has just piled on the stress and I can't really take any more negativity. Part of me knows that I always overthink these situations and that everything is going to be fine. Still, I can't help but panic.

I think that's all I needed to say. Like I said, I just needed to vent, but any and all input is muchly appreciated :)

Hey hey!
Welcome to another round of KHV Idol! The theme for this round was Cartoon Theme songs, where entrants could sing any cartoon theme they wanted!

Here are your entries!

1

2

Voting ends in 7 days
All entrants must vote
Happy Voting!

Yes I am aware that the voting for #4 went up a few days ago but the entries for #5 were due today, so there we go.​

Hey hey!
Welcome to another round of KHV Idol! This week's theme was Broadway, where entrants could sing any song that has appeared on broadway!

Here are your entries!

#1

#2

#3

Voting Ends in 7 days!
All entrants must vote!
Entrants cannot vote for themselves!
Happy Voting :)


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