Jayn

~ Yay.

<33
I'm sorry to hear that.
Do you have a garden or a park to relax or sit in?
:3

I'm assuming there have been times where they didn't update every week. Like in the beginning of the year, it didn't update for about two or three weeks.

I don't think he does type hard. I doubt it. And I know. But this computer is touch screen so my arm got tired whenever I had to type or something. And, I don't. I have a bad memory. I don't know how it got stuck in my head.

Yeah. I've gotten it several times. I just block out the complaining somehow.

My first funeral was with some little girl that died. I remember seeing her in an open casket thingy. She was wearing a pink dress. Remembering that now though makes me shudder. Remembering any dead body makes me shudder, actually. I actually had a relative pass away the first day of the year. I didn't know the person, but he was my mom's brother. I still cried since seeing my mom's reaction towards it made me sad. And...yeah. I'm not sure why that doesn't scare me as much. Just seeing people dying one by one and then having to deal with possible loneliness scares me. I know the feeling of loneliness and so do you, so just having to deal with loneliness and seeing people you care about dead, freaks me out more.

Yeah, but I ended up crying afterward every time I thought something. The only time I didn't cry when thinking of something bad was that one time I lost my sanity. And yeah, I know. But it was out my own comfort zone so I'd rather stay way from insanity.

Well, I don't know. It depends on you. Other people choose something differently. I've had someone do silly things to make me laugh, I've had someone be sweet and gentle to make me laugh, I've had someone talk to me about the things I'm upset about and so on. But majority of those people are out of life because they stabbed me in the back somehow. My brother is the one that does silly things though. He...yeah. I always end up laughing when he's around. I would have been completely serious and depressed today if it wasn't for him and someone else.

But I'm free.
I could have helped you dear <33

Awww, thank you : D
You really make me happy.
Spring is also my favorite season.
It's the only season were I can sit in my garden [after all the flowers bloom ofcourse] and sketch.
:3

It came out last year, but I'm not sure what date and stuff. I just remember reading about Fullmetal Alchemist being remade and so I searched it one day and it was like 20 episodes into the anime. Or maybe a little less.

Lol no. He was eating one day while on the computer, he hit his leg on the table, the plate flipped over and landed on the keyboard. He had to remove the keys in order to clean it. Very little. I know a few words but I can't spell them out, only know how to say them. I also know how to say, "How are you?" because I read it in a Japanese-English dictionary when I went to Boarders and it stayed in my head. And...ah. Either way it was good. Just the last part didn't make sense.

Yeah, exactly. I have a feeling Walker's going to tell me something when we go back to school. It'll probably like, "AURA! WE NEVER HUNG OUT DURING VACATION! WHY? WHY?!!! DAMN IT, I STILL LOVE YOU EITHER WAY." I'll probably be like, "...*facepalm*"

Same here. I've seen two dead bodies in my life. The first time I saw one, I didn't understand what was going on since I was too little. The second time I saw one, it scared the living hell out of me since I remember seeing that person walking around, talking and not seeing his skin so pale. That funneral scared me. That kind of thing scares me, but for some reason, not as much as people dying one by one and stuff. I guess it doesn't scare me more because we'll all die at the same time not individually.

Yeah I know. You already know that I've lost my mind once and I've been close to losing it several times already. Although all I did was laugh ad think terrible thoughts that one time, looking back at it, I'm glad I held in my sanity the other times I've been close to losing it again. That feeling was...odd and extremely...evil. And it just wasn't in my comfort zone. I've been told that I'm too kind to actually cause harm to someone and that just might be possible. I might think about causing harm to someone else, but I'll end up feeling like a terrible person right afterward.

When someone does want to help me or if I ever hear that they want to help me, which is a bit rare, I'll probably struggle back and forth of telling them what's wrong. But it mainly depends who the person is. Plus, I don't really open up all that easily anymore too.

^^ *purrs and licks your fingers*

Nice. Ending first or second semester?

Uh. 41 episodes are out. 41 came out yesterday. ...I forgot to watch Bleach.

My keyboard is messed up on this computer because of my brother. Some of the keys are messed up so sometimes the letter doesn't even come out. It's annoying. And oh. That's good. Neither do I, but that's my mom. I've told her "arigato" sometimes just to mess with her and she just glares at me. Sometimes I'm like, "B| *mutters* Fine. Don't say 'you're welcome'." And...Mi llama es la chocolate? Llama means to call, so you're basically saying the chocolate calls you. Good though.

Yeah well, I get that a lot by a lot of people at my school. And then they usually come complaining to me how we might have never been able to hang out and stuff. Some people have the habit of pointing or implying that it was my fault.

Never really lost someone close to me, but I've seen the reactions of people. I've seen my mom's reaction, my dad's, a friend's when her dad was on life support, and a few other people. The closest I've been to losing someone or something is to a pet. I've had dogs die and my reaction was to cry all day. If I lost a person I was close to, I know my reaction would be different. It'd be a lot worse and I'm basically afraid of death. I've had dreams where I see people I'm close to dead or I hear that they're dead and in the dreams I always burst out into tears. I've had a dream of my mom committing suicide and I was the only crying in the dream. I woke up in tears. A week or so ago I had a dream that my grandfather died. I also woke up crying on that one. I've had dreams of seeing friends dead where all I do is just stare at their bodies and then wake up crying again. Death is something that really does scare me.

I kind of talk to Arch about the things with my grandfather, but I don't really talk to him about the reason why I might feel lonely. I'll mention it, but he doesn't usually ask why. He just goes off in an attempt to make me laugh or smile. Can't really anything else on trusting people and stuff. I want to, but just the fear of gettin stabbed in the back again stays in my head. I've been stabbed in the back countless times so it's finally gotten to the point where I now have trust issues.

I know life isn't a gentle, lovely ride. I've known that since I was little. I've been told that there has to be a time in your life where you need to go through things just so that you can get stronger, and I agreed with the person who told me that. It's true. So yeah. Since this is practically the first time where something decided to hit me so hard, other than the Christmas where my grandfather almost died, I guess that's why it's effecting me so easily. It's all new to me so my reactions are new.

I'll read it another time. <3

Now I'm playing Uncharted 2 online. xD

I had to go to bed. D:

It's alright.
Don't sweat it. xD

I hope you continue with the story. c:

It must have been. There was a server error for a while, so maybe I timed it right as it happened or something. Who knows.

Wow, three times? xD

I haven't fully read through it but I did skim (and look for my parts). I didn't know when you asked yesterday if I wanted to be a hippie you meant in the script. xD I'll have to read it fully through sometime today.

Jeffrey and I were gettin' that meditation.

I hope you didn't :v
. . . . .
Why did you ask me to help you? :V

Nope, it's still freezing.
But the cool breeze gives out a hint of spring coming.
Sooner or later spring will be here.
I'm making a sketch in dedication for spring this year.
I really missed it and I longed for the flowers to bloom.
:3

J.D.

or John if you'd rather use that. c:

It's okay. ^^ *purrs and hugs and then rubs your head*

I'm okay. ^^ You? *takes one treat and nibbles* ^w^ *nuzzles your hand*

*hugs back* It's okay. I can take late holidays. ^^

Yeah. So I'll just wait every week for the episodes. Won't hurt me.

Go* Stupid g. And...wow. He didn't say no to Japanese? I've told my mom I've been wanting to learn Japanese, but she just glared me at. And...kind of. I have to speak Spanish to my grandparents since they're not fluent in it and don't understand it. I do speak Spanish everyday, but I'm all that fluent in it. I have trouble saying a few words here and there. And if I can't say a word to my grandparents, I just snap my fingers and say, "That one thing. You know." And then start decribing whatever I'm trying to say.

Well, I'll probably end up being like that if something were to happen to my grandfather. And...because of people. I'm told they'll call/text/contact me in some way and they never do. They tell me that we should hang out to catch up or to just be around one another and I'm never contacted about anything. And then there are the people who tell me one thing, but then I see that it was a complete lie and proves to me I cannot trust them and that they're just traitors like everyone else I have met. I barely have any friends, I can't rely on absolutely nobody for comfort or advice for the things that are going on right now, if someone does ask me if anything's new, all I say is nothing or that I have just been up and down and that's it. I trust no one, I can't even trust myself to make the right judgment. I had a freaking breakdown last night because how crappy I was feeling because of everything. That was the first breakdown I've had in months. I'm hating my life as it is already. In my eyes I see that my grandfather is slowly dying and is suffering. I almost cried in front of him and my uncle yesterday. I just want to go die or wish none of this never happened, or just for this pain to go away already to let this year be good.

I haven't bothered going and reading the manga though. I don't want to spoil whatever the manga is ahead in.

I want to o there too, but I mainly want to go to Italy. I love Italian food and I really want to learn about their culture and stuff. I love learning about new cultures. And...wow. Poor him. I'd hate it if that happened to me. How long did he stay there?

No. My dogs bark at everything and everyone. Especially my pitbull. He's stupid. And...I don't really feel like talking about the things with my grandfather because well...I just feel as though I can't. As for myself, eh. Just been feeling lonely a lot and the majority of people I know are complete liars and enjoy bringing my hopes up and then bringing them down shortly afterward.

I forgot when I started watching it, but I was told Brotherhood is just like the manga and that I shouldn't be watching it because the manga sucks. I like it though. New episode came out today too.

People in Nevada are pretty friendly. Well...the people I saw in Laughlin and Vegas. But I mainly went there because my family dragged my brothers and I with them so they can go to the casinos. I've been out of state a couple of times. Only once I've gone through plane. Well, twice but I was a baby the first time. And everything else was by car. He is. Yesterday he flipped off a friend when I was doing webcam. He doesn't even know the person. And...wow. He's the oldest brother out of the others you have?

Uh...With my dogs, no. They're just ******ed. As for stuff here at home with my family and with myself, yes. Quite a few things but whatever.

Yesterday was stupid because I had to leave for dinner when you had signed off and when I got back you were gone again so yea. ;; Next time you're on, I'm bombarding you with messages. Prepare yourself, sister.

Algebra ...
I miss my algebra days >>
It's easy, taking it two times will make life easier for you in the future.
Trust me.

Over here.
Nope.
Only sun, sun and rain.
But it was snowing.
A few weeks ago.
:3