Jayn

Wow. My bad side's coming out. Through out the past month, I've been told that it's not understandable that I had decided to pick someone from the internet. As said by a friend, I'm f*cking pretty apparently. Either way, I let myself get attached to someone over the internet and I regret it. I even remember telling my brother I don't like long distance relationships. And then this happened. I have gone through so much bullshit in my life with people that eventually stabbed me in the back. He was the first person that effected me the most. I had opened up to him and if it was possible, I would've given my life for him. That's how much I give my trust to someone. And honestly, I'm done with that. There is now only one friend I would give my life for. I was lied to, I had my heart torn apart, I even lied to myself. Remember I said I have a reason why I'm anti-social? Its because I'm f*cking tired of being stabbed in the heart, back, whatever. I'm done of opening up so quickly to someone. I'm tired of being the person that gets stomped on and heartbroken.

I doubt my feelings so it doesn't get to my head. With him, I let it get into my head and eventually it made me become weak. Before, if I ever had a problem, I would either think of a way to fix it or say, "F*ck it. I'm not going through this." Now, what he had done to me has stayed in my head, making me think, cry, become filled with anger and hate. I know I don't hate him. If I did, I wouldn't even be talking to him. I haven't been myself lately since I'm just so damn pissed off whenever I think of everything. I don't feel like crying anymore. Its just rage. I just want to laugh at everything and shrug it off.

Eh. Living here in LA, I've felt like one or two.

Sadly, she's not home. She's in Vegas right now with my grandparents. Also, after telling other people what happened, I still felt like crap. Everytime I said what had happened, I would always burst into tears at the end. After talking to my brother, I now just laugh at myself and call myself an idiot if I mention it. I become angry and filled with hate. If it crosses my mind, my mood changes and I just become nostalgic and wish I could go back in time and prevent this. Prevent myself from changing. Or, like I said, I laugh at myself. Like right now, I'd be in tears if I never told my brother. I literally have a slight smile on my face. Its funny and weird but I have scared myself several times already in the last two days.

I would like to go to Japan. I'm just afraid of earthquakes, though. o___o;;

My brother wanted me to give him said person's number. He wanted to tell him off since he saw me in tears because of him. But I told him its pointless and to just let it go. My brother did know about him but he didn't know the stuff that had happened between us. The night I told him, I said, "You know that guy you bothered me about?" At that moment I had bursted into tears. Then my brother got off his chair and raised my head to look at him. He started telling me, "What is it? What's wrong? What did that ******* do?" And...yeah. I have the urge to tell my aunt since I know for a fact she'd help me A LOT. Plus, she knows how to keep a secret and she's like my second mom.

I love Italian food and I would love to learn about their culture and everything. 8DD

I actually have quite a few people that I'd go to. One was a friend that came over on Monday, I've known her since the first day of 8th grade. Only person to have not stabbed me in the back. Another is walkergirl-_-. She knows about it. There's two others but only one of them doesn't know everything. The reason I went to my brother was because he's in his own internet relationship. He tells me everything about him and his girlfriend and I felt as if I should've told him. I did and he honestly hates....said person. I got tired of holding in the tears if he were to come into the room so I just told him. I talked to him for about an hour. And I cried that entire hour.

Aw. I wish I could visit NY. But I mainly want to go to Italy. 8D

I eventually ranted off at my brother. He knows everything. Before I even started talking, I had bursted into tears. But that anger I've felt for the past two days is just...eh.

He lives in NY? O.o

*lost* XDX

Yeah well...I don't know. >> I've ranted so many times.

Aw. DX That still sucks.

Move on what? O.o;
I know. Too many things need my attention. XD

Eh. I don't know. I don't cry anymore. I usually end up feeling anger or hate. But...yeah.

Ah. Well, you're mom should at least still tell you if you're going to move or not. XDX

That's a pretty epic mix there.

I'll look for it when I'm less distracted. XD

More like....I don't know. I eventually start laughing at myself or to what happened to me.

Oh, I see. That sucks. >< So, you're not sure if you're going to move?

xD I can understand.

Shows that have fun dances always seen to catch my attention.

I should look for that video. XD

Yeah...My mind has been kind of evil lately too. >>; *notices I've been yeah a lot*

XD She really should talk to you about those kinds of things.

I don't know. I just remember reading air and walk in the same sentence. XDDDD

Yeah. I've been kind of....b*tchy, I guess. >>;;

Okay. Didn't you tell me you were going to move? O.o

Very true.

Oh cool, I can do that in a day.

I hope they are still there.

Do you know how many episodes there are?